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Andy's Rants
The following is a manifestation of one mere man. He goes by the name of Andy McFadyen-Ketchum (a Y5 groupie). Please do not be afraid, these rants are perfectly normal. He does not endorse pure evil or anything like that, he's just a little weird.
6/14/99-
Well shit...speaking of shit, what's up with the toilet paper these days? I hate toilet paper. They say two-ply is the best but everytime I go to wipe my anus it scars me for life...speaking of scars, I think the word is used far too often in peoples poems and songs and crap like that...ok...cool...I hate girls and anything that does not have a $#%#@^! Anyway, the other day I was going out to buy a car and someone said that I should get a Suzuki...How can you buy a car that also makes crummy musical instruments? And what about the band Alabama? Who gets their band name from a state? I mean, there are no bands called Nebraska or Tennessee...why does everybody accept Alabama as if it were "all right". And all the off-brands are no good either. I went to Walgreens the other day(please do not hate me for doing so) and got their "Super-dooper Toilet Paper" (I find the fact it is called ooper a wee bit odd) because it is supposed to be the best...well, I won't tell you the whole story
but it was not a pleasant experience. And what is with Walgreens? They are evrywhere. I don't get it. The only thing I ever buy there is candy and "Super-dooper Toilet Paper" and that was only once...I promise. I think I should run for president...or join a rock-and-roll band in which I play the hoola hoop( mad ups to the Crittenton woman). Going to college is sort of weird because thn when someone asks you what you want to do you have to actually thinlk about it. But then it's funny when you say, "Oh I don't know", bevause than they think you're a slacker and being a slacker is the cool thing...right? So I just asked Nathan what I should... Wait...Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is the greatest movie of all time. Listen to this notable quote, "Pizza, Pizza!" or "Wise men say, 'forgiveness is devine bit never pay for late pizza'". And...oh yes, "Death comes to us all. But when you die it comes without honor." Forget Star Wars. Teenage Mutanbt Ninja Turtles is a much better movie. If you look at them at the same time...I'm not sure that's possible or legal, but you get it...you will notice the parallel paths of the characters and the story...even the script. Take the 4 turtles, they are just like Luke Skywalker but better...because there are four of them and even when their master, Splinter, is sure to die, they are still chipper as ever. April, the reporter is like the damsal in distress...Laya...but with much better hair. April falls in love with the pompus Casey Jones who is sort of a renegade human but is accepted by the turtles just as is Han Solo with the "last hope" or "jedi" or "Luke...Luuuukkke"...just with much better one liners. And don't forget Splinter, he is the modern day Yoda. Think about it, they are both old, hairy and sort of nuts. And, last but not least, Shredder. One of his most notable lines being, "You are rejected by the outside world...This is your family...I am your father." Even his voice has this weird echo and is really airy and deep for no apparent reason...much like Darth Vader except with a better scar. Even Splinter speaks of a force alot like "The Force" when he says to Rafael(the Anakin of the turtles films), "Not of the body but of the mind" and "You must not let fear take control or the same of anger" and "anger clouds the mind"... watch The Empire Strikes Back...you will here these same lines. Now, you may be wondering, "But what about Jar-Jar? Surely there is no character like Jar-Jar Binks in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles." Well, you would be correct. There is no way in the burning fires of firery hell Turtles would have a character close to as stupid and annoying and unrealistic and sarcastic and nutsless as Jar-Jar Binks! Well kiddies, that's my spiel for the day and probably the week so never forget: Pizza, the Ninja Turtles, and hoola hoops rock, but Girls, Star Wars, Walgreens, Suzuki, and toilet paper blow. Good day and good night. Love, Andy McFlandy
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Email: nathan_hansen@yahoo.com
