"Angel is a lot cuter than Xander."
Thought I'd start off with the classic, the lamest excuse there is.
"Xander doesn't love Buffy, it's just teen lust."
Why don't I just bang my head into a brick wall? It'll save me from having to go over this one again. "Xander's a jerk."
This is a common attitude that came about as a result of season 3. First thing's first, Xander may have been at times very cruel in what he said to Buffy, but he has never been intentionally cruel to anyone else. Willow, Giles or anyone who hadn't had a dig at him first (I'm thinking Cordy after they broke up here).
"Buffy isn't attracted to Xander/They have no chemistry" "Buffy and Xander would be ewww."
This is one I totally don't get. If NB and SMG were are real-life couple would anyone think it was sick? No, they'd just be another young, good-looking couple.
So what if Angel is better looking than Xander? Nobody has ever fallen in love with a face. Maybe the people that always give this old arguement as an excuse might realize this when they grow up.
Xander has said in the past "You don't fall in love with what's right in front of you." This rings very much true here. You fall in love with what you see inside a person, the often little, almost trivial things which makes you feel good around them, which makes them so special to you. Just look at it from Xander's point of view. He had Cordelia, conventially a lot more attractive than Buffy, but he never fell in love with her.
Another example is Anya, you'd be blind if you didn't notice that she is far more attractive than Buffy; yet Xander would always choose Buffy ahead of her. The bottom line is that real love has nothing to do with appearances, it goes a lot deeper than that, to the point where what someone looks like no longer matters.
There are many things you can argue, this isn't one of them. Xander rushed off to save Buffy in "Prophecy Girl", putting her welfare ahead of his own and an upcoming apocalypse. He went to his rival for her affections and forced him to help; this was the same guy she had rejected him for earlier. In this confrontation, Angel admitted that Xander is in love with Buffy. Well I guess Angel mustn't know anything then. In the act of actually saving Buffy, Xander did not give up untill he had brought her back. He did everything he could not to lose her.
Now the examples in PG alone should be enough to convince anyone, but here are some more: In "Innocence" Xander is first to rush off to save Buffy fom the Judge, even though he had full knowledge of what it could do. In "Killed by Death" Xander keeps vigil outside Buffy's room to protect her from Angel, (he's the only one to do so btw) and also because he was at risk of losing the one he loves withoiut ever having expierienced a life together with her. In KBD Angel again admits to Xander being in love with Buffy.
In Bewitched,Bothered,Bewildered Xander refused to "open the present". This is not the way you act towards someone you lust after but do not love at the same time, especially when they offer "it" on a plate.
All the arguing in the third season were signs of how much he cared. Buffy had choosen Angel ahead of Xander and this was hard for him to take. Here he is, he would do anything to make her happy, yet she rejects him for someone she cannot have a life with and has caused so much suffering in the past. It's because he loves her so much, yet she rejects his love, that his feelings came out like they did.
Do you want me to go on? I still can. After the events of "Revelations", Xander decides that he will accept Angel, only because his hostile feelings towards him upset Buffy so greatly. It's because he loves her that he spent the time from "Amends" 'till "GD2" hiding his true feelings towards Angel. Speaking of "Graduation", the whole "I don't want to lose you" deal. What didn't he want to lose? The girl he had fallen in love with, or the face and body he lusted after? The answer is pretty obvious.
There are lots more examples showing that Xander is in love with Buffy, and I could go into more detail here; but I have already done so in the episode summaries section. Check them out (if you already haven't done so) to become even more convinced.
Now when it comes to Buffy he has said a lot of mean things, they came out especially in "Becoming", "Dead Mans Party" and "Revelations". That doesn't mean that any of what he said wasn't true. He was also driven by emotion; Xander has feelings and just because they are not expressed in the same obvious way that the other characters' are, doesn't mean he lacks them. You always have to look into his actions to know what he really feels, and if you ignore them, (like many B/A'ers do) then he would seem very shallow and nasty even though he is anything but.
When Buffy left Sunnydale it would have hurt Xander a lot; he was her best friend just before she had left, so leaving and feeling she could not confide in him would have hurt a lot. Her attitude to the restoration of Angel's soul also hurt him, (as his attitude hurt her) it was again another indirect rejection that more or less said "Though you've done your best to take my undead lover's place while he's been gone, I still want him back more than have just you around." Now I'm not saying that this is how Buffy felt, but rather how it would have seemed to Xander.
This therefore explains his actions in "DMP", where he really let rip on her. It's because he cares so much that his feelings were expressed in such a spiteful manner; it's because for some reason he won't allow himself to express how much he loves her and how much she has hurt him. This therefore leads him to resorting to spite in an attempt to make her feel the same way way he has done, to cause her pain like she has him.
"Revelations" is another example, the confrontation over the returned Angel was similar to "DMP". In seeing Buffy and Angel together, kissing, she might aswell have just ripped out his heart. Look at it from his point of view, there Buffy is sucking on the face of the guy that had the potential to even destroy the world if he ever got too happy. Yet again Buffy has choosen to be with him, ahead of Xander. Xander could offer her a lot more than deadboy, (at least that's how Xander would feel) he'd love her just as much, probably more, yet would never hurt her in the way Angel had. Put yourself in his situation and tell me you wouldn't feel just a little bit upset.
One more thing on the "Xander'sa a jerk" note, why don't people ever think like that about Buffy? Look what she did in "When She Was Bad"; as I've said before actions speak louder than words, and that dance, the way she used him is far crueler than anything Xander has ever said. Even when arguing she has come out with remarks that are as spiteful as his. Her "This isn't about jeleousy" is a very strong example. She might as well have just rubbed his face in the fact that she rejected him, that he wasn't good enough for her. Take a look at some of her other actions. In the "Revelations" confrontation she said that the kiss was a mistake, that she would never do anything to hurt her friends, place them in danger. That was a load of BS considering that latter on she virtually gave up her life just to save deadboy, which would have ended any hope of stopping the assension. When it comes down to it, if you're going to label Xander as a jerk, you've got to sit Buffy right down there with him aswell.
I'm not going to go into every little moment again, I've done that in The Episode Summaries. But we have the moments in which looks have been exchanged that simply just go beyond simple friendship; Phases IMG and Amends being examples. There are the times where Buffy has shown signs of jealousy of X/C, the examples being Bewitched, Bothered, Bewildered and Dead Man's Party. There are also the times when mention has been made of Xander's feelings for Buffy and she has exhibited the reaction that there is something more to her feelings. Bewitched, Bothered,Bewildered, Inca Mummy Girl and Bad Girls are examples of where this has occured. And before you disagree with me on the Bad Girls thing; but looking down after making a statement, (an often occurence with mention of potential B+X is made to Buffy) and then bringing yourself to justify something which is simply a matter of your own opinion is a clear sign the truth isn't being told.
Before you disagree with what I just said, check out everything I've written. I repect that some people can just prefer B/A to B/X, it's only when they don't admit that there is anything what so ever between B/X that it just gets stupid. Also there's the little fact that SMG has stated before "Buffy is torn between safe Xander and dangerous Angel", and the edited scene from Phases that more or less make for conclusive proof.
As for there being no chemistry between the two; well there must have been some or there wouldn't be so many B/X'ers about, with more of us popping up all the time. Check out Buffy and Xander Chemistry A debate from the bronze showing how much chemistry B/X can/have displayed in the past. It more or less sums up how I feel. (the B/X point of view)
One thing that bugs me though is when it's stated that NB and SMG can't generate any relationship chemistry together. As well as it being crap, it shows no respect for the acting abilities of the two. Yes this is acting people, and if it is written that there is a whole load of heat between Buffy and Xander they'll both pull it off, like they have in the past. (I'm thinking the "sexy dance" here.)
I also don't get how it'd be gross to have a guy who's loved a girl from the first time he saw her, that has continually risked his life, proving his love, and has also brought her back from the dead; to get with a girl who already loves the guy as a friend and has often shown signs of wanting more. Fact is it wouldn't to anyone other than a die-hard B/A 'shipper. If you can't picture Buffy and Xander being together just read some B/X Fanfic, it's converted many people