Britney rolled her head along the back of the couch to look at Christina. "Maybe," She allowed.
"Why isn't he taking charge then? You know, doing something?" Christina sighed.
"Why aren't you, Ms. Genie?" Britney asked logically.
"Jorge," Christina replied.
"Bingo," Britney shrugged. "That's why nobody's doing anything. Jorge."
Christina's shoulders slumped. "I need to do something, don't I?"
"You do," Britney acknowledged. "You need to be true to yourself. That's one thing I've learned that has never steered me wrong. I follow my heart, I get ok."
"So I should just follow my instinct?" Christina asked.
"Do what you think is right, and don't let anyone stop you."
Christina smiled softly. "Thanks, Brit. I don't know what I'd do without you guys."
Britney sighed and picked at Justin's leftover french fries. "I'm gonna miss you guys."
"Where you goin'?" Christina asked.
"Just these next two months," Britney sighed yet again.
Christina nodded, understanding. "I know. I don't know what I'm going to do...I really need to do a lot of thinking."
The pair fell into a comfortable silence, the kind best friends slip into and can walk away feeling like they've had the best conversation in years.
"We both do," Britney said.
"What's going on with you?" Christina turned her attention fully onto one of her very best friends after turning the TV off.
"Please don't say anything..."
"I won't," Christina swore. Whatever was said in that room would stay in that room, between the two of them.
Britney took a deep breath. "I don't know if I want to do this anymore."
Christina's jaw dropped, and she almost protested, but she knew she had to let Britney talk this out.
"Lordy, saying it out loud makes it so real," Britney sighed. "I just don't know if I can take this. My belly gets more media coverage than my music. People are always scrutinizing my body, my friends, my language, even my supposed 'romance' with Justin. I'm so worn down. But I don't want to leave my music and the stage. It's my second home. Chris, I don't know what to do."
"A wise friend of mine once said 'You need to be true to yourself. Do what you think is right, and don't let anyone stop you.' I think she's right," Christina smiled softly.
Britney laughed a sad laugh. "It sounds easier than it is."
"I believe it."
Britney slowly exhaled and shook her head. "I just...I have to decide what's more imprtant to me. Music or..."
"Or?"
"Sanity," Britney said.
"What's driving you crazy. In detail."
"Mostly that it's not about my music."
"Tell me what it's about," Christina said softy. "One by one."
"It's about my body," Britney said softly. "It's about my belly and my legs and my chest. I like to wear pretty things. I like to be pretty. But one minute I'm getting chubby, the next I'm just too slutty. I can't ever please them."
"How could you go about fixing that?"
"I guess just goin' off and doing my own thing. Just making me happy, and not worrying about what they want."
Christina nodded slowly. "What else bothers you?"
"That it's always about Justin, too," Britney said. "That makes me angry. I don't resent Justin, it's not his fault."
"What's not his fault?" Christina grinned inwardly, thinking about the money she would make if she became a psychiatrist.
"That all those thirteen year olds want him. That everyone wants him to be single so they can have him. That he's such a cutie." Britney sighed. "That everyone thinks I'm dating him, and that I have to deal with all the criticism and speculation and accusations. I just can't stand people saying I made it because of Justin, that I rode *N Sync's coat-tails to where I am now. That I didn't earn it myself."
Christina was silent. She knew there was more.
I was awake until two a.m. singing only to get up the next morning at 5:30 to at dance rehearsals by six a.m. I went on a diet with hardly any junk food to look good. I worked out until I thought I would fall over dead. I spent hours in voice lessons, trying to get the range I've got. I worked twenty hour days on all my videos trying to get the best shot I could, trying to get the best quality I could. Christina, I did all that you did. I did everything JC and Justin did, if not more, because it's just me. Why don't I get any credit?"
Christina sighed. She hadn't known all this was bottling up inside the Southern blonde across from her. "I don't know. I don't get any credit, either. We don't write our own music."
"I write music, I just don't use it," Britney sighed.
"I don't have that talent. I can sing, but I can't write," Christina shrugged.
Britney smiled. "You know, Chris, you're right."
"I am?"
"Yup," Britney nodded. "I just gotta think a little more. It'll be ok."
Christina nodded. "Am I crazy?"
Britney laughed. "We both are, I think. You want him so bad...I want recognition for all my hard work."
"We're both just gonna have to work for them."
Britney nodded. "We'll get it. If it takes forever."
"Even if it takes forever," Christina echoed.
© 2001 Princess Fan Fics