She had only one regret in her life, and that was that she made him go. She had been so young, only sixteen. He had been young, too, but they were in love. There was no way around it, she had to admit it. She couldn't imagine a life without him, and he felt the same way. But then he had to imagine a life without seeing her almost every day, and calling her every other night. She was moving, she was going to be 1,000 miles away. He didn't cry in front of her, he wouldn't let himself. But she saw his eyes, she saw the tears that were so close to spilling over. She saw him fighting for control of his emotions, and she hugged him, pulling him closer. She knew she should be trying not to get too attached, they hadn't even been dating a year. But she also knew that she was beyond attached, she loved him. She always would.

She remembered the day that she told him. They'd been sitting under a tree, and he knew she needed to tell him something, so she blurted it out. "I'm moving. Back West. Soon, maybe two months."

She will never forget the look on his face. He said nothing, he simply stared at her. He looked as if his entire world had ended, and she hated herself for making him feel that way. She knew it wasn't her fault, she didn't want to go. In fact, she would rather commit suicide than go back, but she couldn't. She wanted to be with him so much she could taste it, and killing herself meant that she would not be with him. He hadn't said a word for nearly five minutes. He hugged her, and he stared at her some more. When she followed him back to their friends, the girls surrounded him in comforting hugs, but he didn't react. He planted two hands on the picnic table and stared at the ground, between his feet. His friends tried to cheer him up, to even find out what was wrong. He refused to look up at them. She sat down next to him and grabbed ahold of his pants leg, staring up into his big brown eyes. He was wearing her favorite pants. Their friends decided they should leave, and disappeared into a building a ways away. He turned and sat down, his back to the table, his elbows on his knees, and continued to stare at the ground, as if it could somehow make his world alright again.

Her heart broke watching him stare at the grass, blinking back tears. She felt a pain in her heart like no other pain she'd ever felt before. She felt like she was going to die. She had hurt him. That was the last thing in her entire life she'd ever wanted to do, and she had done it with eight simple words. Words they used every day. However, those words had not ever been strung together into such a sentence before, and she had prayed every night since she met him that they never would be.

When she was told that her family was moving, she stopped praying. She stopped praying for a miracle, and began wishing on stars. Prayer had never done a single thing for her. It had only given her a false hope, a hope that God would take pity on her, and give her happiness for just a bit longer. She'd been so happy since she'd moved to Pennsylvania, met her new friends and gotten him as a boyfriend.

She bit her lip, trying to keep the tears back. She didn't want to cry, not now. Not ever. She could be strong, she would be. She was always the strong one, she always took everything in stride. She was always the happy one, her family counted on her for that. She had to hide her tears, save them for the cover of darkness in her room, alone, clutching the teddy bear he'd given her for Valentine's day. Her family knew she didn't want to go back, they simply didn't care. Her brother liked it more out there. Her mother's family was out there. It was too expensive to live in Pennsylvania, versus where they came from. She was the only one who had achieved true happiness, something she had previously thought impossible.

She remembered the day she left. She'd stayed with her best friend while the rest of her family drove out there, and was now boarding a plane to join them. "Chris..."

He wrapped her in his arms, and she never wanted to let go. "Chris..."

"I love you."

She choked on a sob. "I love you, too, Chris...But Chris, please..."

"What? What, baby?" He pushed her back and held her face in his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs.

"Chris, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not going to try to long-distance this with you."

"Don't you love me anymore?" Chris's liquid brown eyes looked confused, and it hurt her to look into them.

"I love you too much, that's why I'm doing this. This isn't fair to you, to make you stay attached to me while I'm a thousand miles away. You'll be ok soon, baby," She added when he dropped his head to stare at the floor again. "You'll meet a beautiful girl, and you'll love her, and she'll be able to love you back like you deserve. She'll be here, to do things with you and be able to hold you. It's not fair to you to make you stay with me. I can't let you."

"But I want too!" Chris exclaimed, feeling as if he were going to die right there in the airline terminal.

"Now, you do. But what about in three months? Chris, that's not fair to you. I want nothing more than to keep you forever, but I can't have that. That isn't fair to you, and I will not do that to you. You've got so much to give, I just can't do this to you."

"I love you..." He whispered, dropping his hands to hers. "I love you."

Gently, she pulled her hands out of his and placed them on his cheeks, watching his eyes well up with tears and trying to ignore the stabbing pain in her heart. "I love you, Chris. I always will." Softly, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly, one last time. "Forever."

She lowered her head, remembering the scenes of them together, so happy. Turning to her husband, she spoke again. "That's my only regret."




© 2002 Princess Fan Fics