Dumb Blonde
1. Q: What did the blonde say when the guy blew in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill.
2. A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your stupid act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
3. A blond decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic
pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over,. As her head is battered
against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune........... the Wal-Mart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.
4. The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right."
Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow," replied the blonde. He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff. The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her gal pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
5. A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her,"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
6. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
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