Black Tangled Heart

maybe I'll fall in love and never learn...
see the black tangled heart fall for you

[ring]

[click]

"Hello?"

"Hey, my boy."

"Hey! How are you doing?"

"I have to tell you something..."

"You sound sad. What's the matter? Something wrong?"

"Yeah. Yeah, something's... wrong."

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"Then... what? What is it?"

...

"Are you there?"

"God, I just can't do this anymore."

"What-- what do you mean?"

"I love you. But it isn't enough. I feel drained..."

"no"

"...I can't hold on anymore."

"No. no. nonono"

"Do you see? Can you see?"

"NO! You CAN'T!"

"You're right... I can't. But I have to."

"You can't do this. Do you understand? It... it isn't fair!"

"Please... please don't..."

"But why?"

"Oh god..."

"How could you just pretend like everything is fine and then rip it all apart without warning? Without even trying?"

"We tried. You forget. I remember we failed."

"I remember we promised to try, and then avoided each other."

"I just remember hurting. And being hurt. Over... and over... and--"

"Stop. Just stop. I don't want to hear any more reasons. You aren't justifying anything."

"You want justification? I don't have any. All I have are my feelings. And they tell me that this doesn't work."

"But it COULD! Things improve!"

"Only when the improvement means something... when it's worth it."

"I want this to be worth it..."

"I can't create meaning any more easily than you can alter your feelings to fit this situation. Some things don't mould."

"Listen, it doesn't have to mould; we can start all over; it can be fresh."

"When everything else is long past gone? Please, you have to see. I've exhausted all my resources; all that's left is love, which just isn't strong enough anymore. I have to break it off. I have to make you free."

"I don't want to be free! I'll fall apart; don't you understand; you're my sanity... I'll stay away for a while, I won’t crowd you or anything, I’ll stay completely silent if it makes you happy; if I can be around you..."

"Around me. Only around me. Without love. Where does that leave us? No. Our relationship is a paradox and this is the only solution I've found."

"Then you aren't looking fucking hard enough!"

"You want to look for a change? You want to sort through all that shit in our heads that's leaving us haggard? Go ahead, you'll come right back; I've been there and it isn't pretty. We both have demons. And they multiply when we're together."

"No, no, we can heal each other, we've got to, we--"

"--either add up to a perfect spark or a war zone. It's too risky."

"Everything has risk! Aren't the good things worth the bad? Okay, we've got problems; we can fix them; we can learn how to stop the fights, how to find peace."

"Yes. Eventually. But with each fight that isn't stopped, more of your insides break down. Every fight makes me lose a piece of you. You don't have many pieces left - and I can't let them all die. I can't be responsible for that happening, for losing you. I just love you too much not to let you go."

"That's bullshit! You're... you're not being fair, because people in a relationship are supposed to CARE about each other; we're allowed to love, but we're supposed to CARE..."

"Oh Christ, you sound like you're crying."

"... and if you really cared, if you really felt the way you're supposed to, then you wouldn't... you just... "

"Please don't cry."

"I'M NOT CRYING!"

"Liar."

...

"I've got to go now, love."

"Don't go... because... "

"Take care of yourself. I'll always love you, and I couldn't bear to see you fade."

"...because I don't want to live without you; I won't be able to function, because..."

"I'll be out of town for awhile, so don't bother calling."

"... I need you... I... "

"Goodbye love."

"... because I think I do love you, you know."

[click]

"I love you."


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