Random Ramblings
The Prospect of silverchair Breaking Up

So much has happened in the past few days that has made me dramatically reevaluate my relationship with silverchair. It’s been a combination of things, but I guess the most significant contributor would be the rumour going around that goes something like this - “This is silverchair’s last tour; they’re breaking up after they finish this album.” Not that I am in any way under the belief that this is true; on the contrary, I know it to be almost certainly false. But that hasn’t stopped me thinking about the impending day that they DO stop making music as a band.

For all I know, the day could be years into the future, or it could be in three months. I’ve been asking myself, in all seriousness - what am I going to do? How am I going to deal with it? The day silverchair break up is my doomsday; a huge black cloud will hang over my life for weeks on end. It’s not so much the fact that they won’t be producing music anymore, although I love each new note that comes along - it’s more that I will no longer be connected to these people in any way except through their history and my past. No more interviews, brilliant comments, funny new jokes, or lessons about life in general. Listening to and watching the same things over and over will be no comfort, knowing that the real people are somewhere far away, doing something totally unrelated. I don’t even like to see the words “silverchair” and “break up” in the same sentence; it literally gives me a jolt every time I read it. What will it mean to me when there is no more silverchair?

silverchair have become a crutch to me, in many ways, and I can’t help feeling that without them around, I’ll fall flat on my face. They are a part of my being, and when that part doesn’t exist, I know I’m going to feel a hole there for the rest of my life. Being certain of a future event doesn’t really help ease the apprehension, although thinking about it gets me used to the idea. I know they’re going to have to stop eventually - no band stays around forever. And it does excite and please me to no end that the members of silverchair have ambitions after the band is over. That really does make me so happy... they aren’t going to waste the rest of their lives; they’re going to continue on, doing whatever the hell they want to do, just like they’ve always done. As much as I wish they could continue to share their lives with me, it puts a smile on my face just knowing that they’ll continue to exist, somewhere, utilising their many other talents - whether it be Ben’s avid love for surfing, Chris’s addiction to cars, or Daniel’s absorption with poetry and painting.

That is, of course, assuming that they continue to exist. The alternative to that scares me more than perhaps anything else in the world. I can’t deal with the thought that something horrible could happen to one or even all of them. The reason I’m so protective and defensive of them is because I care SO MUCH. It’s as if my defending and protection of them could save them from some greater evil, somehow. I care about them so much it’s almost painful. Since I’ve never been in love, I don’t know if this is the right thing to say - but I suspect that this is what being in love feels like. You care about someone to the point of pain, because simply the thought of them not being in your life causes you actual physical discomfort. I have no doubt at this point that I would do nearly anything for Chris, or Daniel, or Ben, or all of them at once. I’m almost sure that I would take a bullet, jump in front of a truck, yadda yadda yadda, whatever - because even if I died doing that, it would make little difference. The fact of the matter is that if one of them died, I’m not sure I’d want to be living. There are perhaps a handful of people in this world, most of whom I know personally, that I care about as much as or more than Daniel, Chris, and Ben. Many people find that pathetic, scary, stupid, whatever they want to call it, but I truly don’t understand what’s stupid or wrong about it. I think of them as three of my best friends - only more than that. It’s not a question of why, it’s a question of how - and that topic will not be addressed in this rambling. Basically, if they all live long happy lives until they’re 80 years old, then I’ll retain my sanity.

So now it’s a question of fulfillment. How can I feel truly fulfilled and completed when silverchair break up? I must think back to what they and I have accomplished over the past three years. When Ben said in an interview, “I think we’ve accomplished [as a band] pretty much all that we basically wanted to,” at first I was shocked. Then, after a bit of consideration, I understood where he was coming from. They’ve made tons of money, become famous, and helped and influenced thousands, all by doing exactly what they wanted to do and being exactly what they wanted to be. Frogstomp and Freak Show got them sales; Neon Ballroom reached Daniel’s “musical goal” and has finally made them gods in the eyes of critics. So what’s left for them? Maybe a few more albums, maybe not.

And what’s left for me? Over these three years, I’ve seen them in concert three times. I’ve heard the most beautiful songs I can ever imagine hearing, and I’ve experienced the best feeling I can imagine experiencing (Ana’s Song - live in a moshpit to 100,000). At this point, I can’t really fathom an album more ingenious or gorgeously perfect than Neon Ballroom. They have already taught me a huge amount of what I need to know to survive in this world. I’ve found myself and gotten to know them like best friends, and because of them, I am ready to face the world with all the exuberance of a child but the knowledge of an adult. So what IS left for me?

I haven’t met them. That’s the only thing. The only thing that keeps me from saying, “Okay, they could break up tomorrow and I could still be a happy person.” Because as much as they mean to me, as much as they’ve taught me and done for me, they DON’T KNOW IT YET. And I can’t die before I thank them; I just can’t. As soon as I either get the chance to say “Thank you,” or I am confident that they have some idea of who I am and how much I owe to silverchair, then I’ll be able to say it. “Okay, go ahead and break up silverchair. I’ve gotten all I possibly can from you.”

Of course, even after they break up, they’ll still be a favourite band - perhaps not listened to as much, but forever floating above everyone else. They’ll still be my guardian angels, I just won’t be able to see them anymore (hell, I’ve been lucky, most angels you can’t see at all). And who knows, maybe Ben will become a famous surfer, or Chris will be a race car driver, or Daniel will publish a book of poetry or become a famous artist. Then, at least their individual personalities would still be known to me, and I’d be able to follow them wherever they go.

But for now, that’s still the future...and I’ve always been one for living in the moment. I suppose there’s no need to predict something that hasn’t happened yet. I don’t believe in fate anyway. The future is the future, and now is now.

What I DO know for certain is that right NOW silverchair are one of the best bands in the world, right NOW they are together and making fabulous music, and right NOW I am as obsessed, devoted, and avid a fan as I can possibly be. And for NOW, that’s good enough for me.


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