Random Ramblings
The Prospect of silverchair Breaking Up
So much has happened in the past few days that has made me dramatically reevaluate my
relationship with silverchair. It’s been a combination of things, but I guess the most
significant contributor would be the rumour going around that goes something like this -
“This is silverchair’s last tour; they’re breaking up after they finish this album.” Not that I
am in any way under the belief that this is true; on the contrary, I know it to be almost
certainly false. But that hasn’t stopped me thinking about the impending day that they DO
stop making music as a band.
For all I know, the day could be years into the future, or it could be in three
months. I’ve been asking myself, in all seriousness - what am I going to do? How am I
going to deal with it? The day silverchair break up is my doomsday; a huge black cloud
will hang over my life for weeks on end. It’s not so much the fact that they won’t be
producing music anymore, although I love each new note that comes along - it’s more that
I will no longer be connected to these people in any way except through their history and
my past. No more interviews, brilliant comments, funny new jokes, or lessons about life in
general. Listening to and watching the same things over and over will be no comfort,
knowing that the real people are somewhere far away, doing something totally unrelated.
I don’t even like to see the words “silverchair” and “break up” in the same sentence; it
literally gives me a jolt every time I read it. What will it mean to me when there is no
more silverchair?
silverchair have become a crutch to me, in many ways, and I can’t help feeling that
without them around, I’ll fall flat on my face. They are a part of my being, and when that
part doesn’t exist, I know I’m going to feel a hole there for the rest of my life. Being
certain of a future event doesn’t really help ease the apprehension, although thinking about
it gets me used to the idea. I know they’re going to have to stop eventually - no band
stays around forever. And it does excite and please me to no end that the members of
silverchair have ambitions after the band is over. That really does make me so happy...
they aren’t going to waste the rest of their lives; they’re going to continue on, doing
whatever the hell they want to do, just like they’ve always done. As much as I wish they
could continue to share their lives with me, it puts a smile on my face just knowing that
they’ll continue to exist, somewhere, utilising their many other talents - whether it be
Ben’s avid love for surfing, Chris’s addiction to cars, or Daniel’s absorption with poetry
and painting.
That is, of course, assuming that they continue to exist. The alternative to that
scares me more than perhaps anything else in the world. I can’t deal with the thought that
something horrible could happen to one or even all of them. The reason I’m so protective
and defensive of them is because I care SO MUCH. It’s as if my defending and protection
of them could save them from some greater evil, somehow. I care about them so much
it’s almost painful. Since I’ve never been in love, I don’t know if this is the right thing to
say - but I suspect that this is what being in love feels like. You care about someone to
the point of pain, because simply the thought of them not being in your life causes you
actual physical discomfort. I have no doubt at this point that I would do nearly anything
for Chris, or Daniel, or Ben, or all of them at once. I’m almost sure that I would take a
bullet, jump in front of a truck, yadda yadda yadda, whatever - because even if I died
doing that, it would make little difference. The fact of the matter is that if one of them
died, I’m not sure I’d want to be living. There are perhaps a handful of people in this
world, most of whom I know personally, that I care about as much as or more than
Daniel, Chris, and Ben. Many people find that pathetic, scary, stupid, whatever they want
to call it, but I truly don’t understand what’s stupid or wrong about it. I think of them as
three of my best friends - only more than that. It’s not a question of why, it’s a question
of how - and that topic will not be addressed in this rambling. Basically, if they all live
long happy lives until they’re 80 years old, then I’ll retain my sanity.
So now it’s a question of fulfillment. How can I feel truly fulfilled and completed
when silverchair break up? I must think back to what they and I have accomplished over
the past three years.
When Ben said in an interview, “I think we’ve accomplished [as a band] pretty
much all that we basically wanted to,” at first I was shocked. Then, after a bit of
consideration, I understood where he was coming from. They’ve made tons of money,
become famous, and helped and influenced thousands, all by doing exactly what they
wanted to do and being exactly what they wanted to be. Frogstomp and Freak Show got
them sales; Neon Ballroom reached Daniel’s “musical goal” and has finally made them
gods in the eyes of critics. So what’s left for them? Maybe a few more albums, maybe
not.
And what’s left for me? Over these three years, I’ve seen them in concert three
times. I’ve heard the most beautiful songs I can ever imagine hearing, and I’ve
experienced the best feeling I can imagine experiencing (Ana’s Song - live in a moshpit to
100,000). At this point, I can’t really fathom an album more ingenious or gorgeously
perfect than Neon Ballroom. They have already taught me a huge amount of what I need
to know to survive in this world. I’ve found myself and gotten to know them like best
friends, and because of them, I am ready to face the world with all the exuberance of a
child but the knowledge of an adult. So what IS left for me?
I haven’t met them. That’s the only thing. The only thing that keeps me from
saying, “Okay, they could break up tomorrow and I could still be a happy person.”
Because as much as they mean to me, as much as they’ve taught me and done for me, they
DON’T KNOW IT YET. And I can’t die before I thank them; I just can’t. As soon as I
either get the chance to say “Thank you,” or I am confident that they have some idea of
who I am and how much I owe to silverchair, then I’ll be able to say it. “Okay, go ahead
and break up silverchair. I’ve gotten all I possibly can from you.”
Of course, even after they break up, they’ll still be a favourite band - perhaps not
listened to as much, but forever floating above everyone else. They’ll still be my guardian
angels, I just won’t be able to see them anymore (hell, I’ve been lucky, most angels you
can’t see at all). And who knows, maybe Ben will become a famous surfer, or Chris will
be a race car driver, or Daniel will publish a book of poetry or become a famous artist.
Then, at least their individual personalities would still be known to me, and I’d be able to
follow them wherever they go.
But for now, that’s still the future...and I’ve always been one for living in the
moment. I suppose there’s no need to predict something that hasn’t happened yet. I
don’t believe in fate anyway. The future is the future, and now is now.
What I DO know for certain is that right NOW silverchair are one of the best
bands in the world, right NOW they are together and making fabulous music, and right
NOW I am as obsessed, devoted, and avid a fan as I can possibly be. And for NOW,
that’s good enough for me.
back to random ramblings