I woke up in one of the hotel rooms, wrapped in a soft blue blanket. I didn't want to open my eyes, partly due the fact that I would have to face the world, and partly due to the fact that I had a splitting headache. I actually had a splitting bodyache, if that is possible. When I heard soft crying coming from the corner of the room, I decided that I needed to let everyone know that I was still with them.
I opened my eyes to see Summer standing in one corner, with her arms wrapped around a stuffed penguin that I had given her for her birthday, what seemed like ages ago. I was heart broken at the sight of my best friend in tears over me, and I let out a soft moan. She turned around, and a smile crossed her face through the tears.
"Oh, Cass! I'm so glad you woke up! Are you ok? Does it hurt a lot?" she asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Well, I feel like I've been ripped apart and turned inside out, but other than that, I'm ok." I answered, hugging her as tightly as my aching body would allow. We both started crying in each other's arms, and I spilled my newly formed thoughts to her.
"It's all my fault, isn't it?" I asked. "I must have done something to make him think that I was interested... He was right... I'm worthless now..." I sobbed into her shoulder.
"No, Cass, you will never ever be worthless!" Summer cried even harder at my words. "God, I'll kill him for this.... none of it was your fault, do you understand?" she reasurred me, and we held each other and cried until someone knocked on the door.
Summer got up to get the door and I rolled over in bed, to lie on my stomach. The movement was very painful, but I was more comfortable once I was there. I let my tears fall into the pillow, my shoulders shaking. I felt a hand on my back, and a familiar voice speak to me.
"Cass... baby... I'm so glad that you woke up... we were all so worried about you..." he spoke softly, rubbing my back lightly.
"Go away AJ." I spoke. I didn't deserve him anymore. "You don't love me... you can't." he started to speak in defense, but I interrupted him. "I'm worthless now, you can't love me. No one can!" I sobbed even harder into my pillow.
"Cass, don't say things like that! You know that's not true!" he sounded truly hurt and shocked at my words.
"Just go away!" I yelled, crying even harder.
"If that's what you want..." he spoke gently as he got up. "I love you." he said, just loud enough for me to hear. I shook my head, and looked to see where Summer was.
She was now standing there, with her arms around Nick, crying into his chest. He was rubbing her back and whispering into her ear while he held her. The sight of that killed me, and I needed to be alone. "Can you guys leave?" I asked them, and Summer nodded.
"Yeah, we'll be in the hall if you need us." she assured me as they left the room.
Once they left, I was alone with my thoughts. They were ripping me apart. I am worthless. No one will ever love me, and I didn't deserve to have anyone love me again. I ruined that chance. It was my fault that Jord did what he did... I must have been giving off signals. I must have lead him on. He was right, I am dirty, ruined. But Summer said that it wasn't my fault... and I trust her... but it must have been... I must have done something. No one loves me, I'm not worth it. But AJ said he did. He can't though, no one can... he just said that to make me feel better. He deserves someone better than me. I'm spoiled for him now... I broke down into tears and cried myself into a harsh and unsettled sleep.
"No! No! Get away from me! Let go! No! Get off of me!!! Help me! Who are you?! Let me see your face... Jord? No, it couldn't be... you're not Jord! AJ?!? Oh, God, not you too? No!!"
I woke up screaming, being shaken by two strong hands. "No! Let me go!" I tried to fight them off, still half asleep.
"Shhhh, Cass... it's only me... you're ok..." AJ spoke.
I panicked again. "No, God! Please, don't touch me!" I tried to push him away but he just held me tighter.
"Cass, you're dreaming. Wake up!" He yelled, trying to get me snap out of it. When I did, I broke down into hysterics, I couldn't control my pained sobs. He pulled me to his chest and held me until the tears calmed down some. "It's ok, Cass. It's over. Shhh..." he whispered softly to soothe me. "I'm here now... it's ok.... I love you..." he cooed.
I froze. he can't love me. "No you don't." I said coldly. He tried to interrupt me, but I kept on talking. "You can't, I'm dirty, worthless..."
He pulled me away from him to look me in the eye, his hands caressing my face softly. "Listen to me, Cassandra Aspen. Never say that. You are not, and never will be worthless. I said I love you. I mean it. I love you, I can and I do." he said as tears formed in his eyes.
"You do?" I asked, unsure.
"I do." he replied gently, a tear falling to the blue blanket, forming a small drak circle between us. It was soon followed by other teardrops, from both him and me, as he held me and cried.
