Hi everyone, and welcome to Eevee’s glossary. Here you can find all the words you’ll ever need to fully understand (?) Something Amiss. Have I forgotten your favourite? Tell me at dovesista@btopenworld.com

amiss: Wrong, not right, unsuitable…there are many alternative words. But I think this one just has the right ring to it. And nothing will prove me otherwise. You can try, but you will never succeed. You may control my body, but you will never control my will!!!!

antidisestablishmentarianism: is a very long word. Try spelling it without a spell check. It can be quite amusing. (When I say it, I mean antidisestablishmentarianism, not the word it. Coz that would just be stupid)

Ash: The so called ‘hero’ of the Pokemon series, Ash has unfortunately been in every single episode. Although, to give him some credit, he was actually one of my many inspirations for Something Amiss.(see also Zelda) That’s right, while daydreaming in a random class (possibly French or German or Geography) my mind wandered to the fantastic series. Unfortunately, me being insane, my mind twisted Ash’s character until he became the scary British dude we all know and…ahem…love?

Barlow: Stupid yet sweet, Barlow is Kate’s partner in crime. I invented him, and he is one of the only people/things that can see me (see also Kate, Mal and Spasm)

binoculars: Like a telescope, but two of them stuck together. Team Rocket have an endless supply. Very good for spying on people, especially when they’re hepped up on rare candy (see also hidden camera)

B*Witched: An Irish band from the 90s. They were actually quite good in their day. I myself have two of their albums, plus the song Jesse Hold On on vinyl. But here’s the spooky part: one day they just DISAPPEARED!!!! That’s right, B*Witched are gone without a trace. If anyone knows where they are (and if they’re still alive) please tell me and save my remaining sanity.

Brock: A squinty eyed ‘friend’ of Ash, although he doesn’t hesitate to join Team Rocket when Ash gets British and scary. I think that says something about their ‘friendship’. Brock was temporarily replaced by Tracey in the Orange Island series when he went to join Poison…oh whoops, Professor Ivy, although thankfully he returned to save us from the gay headband wearing one in the Johto series. I personally really like Brock, I like him a lot. He is without a doubt the best twerp of them all. He has a lot of comedic value as he tends to fall in love with every girl he doesn’t see (because unfortunately, he has no eyes. Just for fun, when Roy’s sister was watching a clip from Pokemon, she saw Brock and remarked, “Why hasn’t he got eyes?” I think that sums it up.)

candied apples: Whether spiked with rare candy or just plain, I can see why these tempted Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. They’re just full of chewy yumminess and can have comedic value (see below).

clowns: Supposedly funny men dressed up in stupid outfits. They give many children nightmares and I don’t blame them. For me, a clown named CoCo gave me my first taste of insanity. So thanks a lot. If it weren’t for you, I possibly wouldn’t have written Something Amiss………I'm not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing…I’ll leave that for you to decide.

comedic value: One of the most well used phrases in Something Amiss and my personal catchphrase. If something has comedic value, it sends messages to your brain telling you to laugh. Whether or not you think something has comedic value or not is really down to your interpretation of funny, and as a deranged person, my idea of funny will always be tragically skewed.

conveniently forgotten: When something that happened previously is never mentioned again because it would make things too complicated. Although, conveniently forgetting things can sometimes also led to confusion, so be careful how you use it.

Cupid: A small fat cherub type guy that flies around hitting people with arrows. Why hasn’t he been arrested? Because he claims to do it in the name of luuuurve.

Dominic: A character I invented but we never really got the chance to speak as I mainly follow Kate and Barlow. Anyway, he was kidnapped by Ash and taught the ways of the whip. He also developed a scary British accent, which makes perfect sense of course.

donut: Oh my goodness, don’t you know this already?! Very well. A donut is a small sugary snack made of dough with jam in the middle, although balls of rice with seaweed wrapped around them have also been mistaken for this treat (goodness knows how. Japanese people are weird) But wait a second!!! Some donuts can also have chocolate in them, or even custard. And…wait for it…some have no filling at all!!!! That’s right, some donuts have empty spaces where jammy goodness ought to be. Although, some compensate for this by coming with pots of choccy sauce…yum…

Eevee: Hey, an autobiography!!! Fame!!! O.K., well, I'm Eevee and I wrote the Something Amiss Trilogy. I also put myself in the story, for extra comedic value (see above) and the characters that I created can see me and talk to me, although, if you’ve been paying proper attention, you might notice that sometimes I manage to communicate with others as well…it only happens once in a blue moon, but look out for those…um…moons…I was once mistaken for an angel!!! And the ghost of fanfiction future…

Elite Four: Four super-dee-dooper trainers that make up the Pokemon league (in the game. I never watched any of the league eps in the series so I'm not sure how it works. Am I right in saying trainers who have collected all eight badges battle each other in rounds? Contact me and tell me how right I am)

Emily: …ahem…how did that get there…?...

failure: I looked this up in my thesaurus and found that failure means let down, malfunction, collapse, disappointment or not a success. Unfortunately for my sanity, it also means breakdown, crash or my personal favourite, stoppage. Hmm.

flawless: “…but this time our plan was flawless!” “You say every plan is flawless and we always get shocked!” Personally, I don’t believe anything in this world is flawless. The twerps are a living example.

Gary: He’s Ash’s rival and is a lot cooler. He even got his own cheerleaders, although they did mysteriously disappear, just like B*Witched…oh look, a theme is emerging…

gay: I'm not explaining this. Watch Will and Grace yourselves, you lazy things (see below).

Ghostbusters: I love that film. The song is rockin. Basically, a load of ghosts get busted. ‘Nuff said.

Ghost of fanfiction future: What can I say? Frightening thirteen year old boys is fun.

hat: Something that covers your head and keeps it snug and toasty. I personally have a very nice hat, that I didn’t like half as much when I discovered my granddad has one practically identical…anyway, the worst hat of all time has to be Ash’s stupid league hat, which is why I got rid of it.

James: James makes up one third of the trio of failures we all know and love. James likes donuts and hamburgers, is beaten up on a regular basis and has a strange obsession with cross dressing. His hair is blue/purple and always has that annoying little strand hanging into his face and his eyes are green. He is also exceedingly stupid, but very loveable (and Roy has a crush on him!!!! I personally think he is quite fit, but hello? Cartoon character? It’s not natural Roy)

Jessie: Some people spell this Jesse, which I did originally until Roy pointed out that that is the guy way of spelling it and spoilt my fun. Anyway…Jessie is very violent and likes to hit people with either a mallet, a frying pan or a paper fan, although she has been known to strike with other random objects too. She had a crappy childhood and is part of the fantastic Team Rocket!!! Yay!!!

Jessiebelle: A very scary character with an obsession with whips and manners. Apparently James’s fiancée, but come on. They’re not suited!!! (apologies to whipshippers or whatever Jessiebelle and James shippers call themselves)

Kate: Barlow’s partner in crime. She has purple hair (disturbing) and can be quite violent. Remember the wrestling match in the ruined castle? I sure do. That was fun…

mascot: A lucky charm or talisman. It was used to describe Meowth in Something Amiss 1, though looking at the synonyms I'm not sure why. Jessie and James have no more luck when they’re with Meowth than when they’re without him (although it makes it tricky to say the motto, unless you’re thinking Johto series, as they’ve got Wobbafet then…I'm losing myself in pointless conversation again…)

Misty: She comes from a water Pokemon gym, blah blah etc etc…She’s annoying and twerpy. That’s all you need to know.

motto: Of course, the Team Rocket motto is a vital part of any episode or fanfiction. I myself have created two original mottos, the Team Twerpo motto and the Team Hornio motto. I found later that I couldn’t use the Team Twerpo one again because it mentions fake weddings. Not that I really needed to use it again, but still…shame.

Pikachu: Here are my theories about Pikachu: 1) It’s evil 2) It’s annoying 3) It’s in a weird relationship with Ash.

Spasm: The ultimate twitching Pokemon, owned by Kate and Barlow. Dom has one too, and there are even rumours that the author has one…question: where do they come from???!!!

spiffing: Good, super…basically a crappy old fashioned word to describe anything decent, therefore ruining it. The Famous Five are truly spiffing.

The Twerps: The twerps aka Ash, Misty and Brock have been bugging Team Rocket since the show began. Out of all of them, Brock is definitely the best, as he is the only one with half a brain. I mean, he can cook, he can read a map, and he’s a gym leader with some decent Pokemon. And he manages to do it all without eyes. That is a true hero.

Togepi: A very annoying edible egg. Turn it evil and you’ve nearly got a decent character…but it’s still annoying and edible.

transvestite: James.

Will and Grace: One of my favourite programs. The cast squeal at each other and wave their arms around a lot (did anyone see the one with the Footloose dance in it? That was a classic example)…what could be better? There is only one problem with this show. Whenever I try and type the word Grace, nine times out of ten I put Garce.

Zelda: A very talented Team Rocket fanfiction author. She/he wrote the amazing unaired episodes, possibly the most funny fanfictions of all time (although if you think you wanna prove me wrong then send yours in). For that, I give you my highest commendations and wish you all the best in the future. You are my inspiration, and a master of the fine art of comedic value.

Author’s Final Final Notes: Well, it’s been a long hard slog but Something Amiss has finally packed it’s little fictional bags and left the building. If you’re sad to see it go, good. If you’re not, why have you read it up to this point? And you see, I win again.

I had a lot of fun writing it, remember that I do not own anything but have loved twisting a lot of things to my will. Thank you to Roy for all your inspiration and to my parents for not killing me when you found out what I was writing all those hours in the study. And with that, I leave you. But remember: Something Amiss is never really over because it’s got…me. And I will keep it alive and kicking in my heart.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Come again.