Chapter One:

James vs. Ramen

James knew that Jessie was saying something to him—the problem was that he hadn't heard a word she said since she first distracted him from his mad bout of Gameboy-playing with an extremely high-volume "JAMES!!!" yelled right into his ear. It hurt, but when he reluctantly forced his eyes away from his Gameboy the pain was completely forgotten as he was struck with an epiphany: Jessie smelled really good. Really really good. Better than a jelly filled doughnut, and jelly filled doughnuts smell REALLY good. How strange. Why had he never noticed that before? Hmmmmmmm…thought James. Hmmmmmmm…hmmmm. Hm. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

"Hmmm…" said James.

Jessie was staring at him strangely from across the room, a fashion magazine poised in her hands. Now how had she gotten over there? Last thing James remembered she had been standing in front of him, mouthing words that he couldn't hear, and smelling good. Had he blacked out? Did he have some sort of horrible medical condition? WAS HE DYING?

"James...?" Jessie said cautiously, a strange tone to her voice. "Did I just hear you say 'hmm'?"

James blinked.

"'Hmm' implies thought, James! Were you…thinking?"

James shrugged and turned his attention back to his Gameboy, disappointed that the smell had gone away. Only, when he looked down at the object in his hands, he realized that he wasn't holding a Gameboy, but a package of chicken flavored ramen noodles. Ramen noodles!? Why did he have a package of ramen noodles? What had happened to his Gameboy?

James voiced his concerns. "Why do I have a package of ramen noodles? What has happened to my Gameboy?"

Jessie gave him one of her looks. The kind of look that spoke of whipping out her mallet and whacking James over the head with it. James cringed, preparing for the blow; even though Jessie was all the way across the room, and making no move to get out her mallet as of yet, she could dash over and hit him in approximately .473 seconds. Cartoons can just do these things.

But, miraculously, instead of beating James silly, Jessie walked calmly over to the couch where he sat and held his Gameboy in front of his face.

"Would you like your Gameboy back, James?" she asked, much too sweetly.

James nodded, his eyes glazing over. He made a little grab for the game, but Jessie quickly snatched it away and hid it in one of her pockets.

"Then LISTEN TO ME THIS TIME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!" she screamed, giving James a long expected whack on the head with her trusty mallet.

James nodded, trying desperately to listen. But that smell…it was back…

Jessie began mouthing soundlessly again. How did she expect him to listen to her if she wouldn't make any noise when she talked? Oh wait, thought James. I'm just not listening again. What kind of hypnotic perfume is she wearing?

James was snatched out of his reverie by a loud yell in his ear and another whack on the head.

"JAMES, DO YOU HEAR A WORD I'M SAYING!?" screamed Jessie, pounding repetitive blows on his head with her fists.

"Nhuh?"

"James!" Jessie said, grabbing handfuls of his hair painfully so that he was forced to face her. "I'll say this slowly and carefully, so you understand me. You. Are. Making. Dinner! Now go!"

James leapt back from her, getting some chunks of hair pulled out in the process. "Dinner!?" I can't make DINNER!" he cried in utmost terror.

"It's ramen, James, you can't possibly mess it up! Besides, it's high time you learned to cook!"

"So that's what the ramen is for…" A wild look appeared in James' eye, and he began desperately trying to escape over the arm of the couch. "And men don't cook! NO ONE should cook! Well, except for cooks of course…BUT I CAN'T COOK RAMEN! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

Jessie stood in front of the struggling James, arms crossed. "James, it's a useful skill! You never know when you might need it! Besides, I'm tired of cooking and it's RAMEN!!! It has three step instructions on the back!"

"Can't we just go to Burger King or something?" James pleaded, eyeing the complicated looking directions on the back of the package.

Jessie just looked at him. And smelled good at him. Was that important? For some reason, James had the feeling that it was important.

"All right," sighed James, resigned. "I guess I can try to cook the ramen. Can I have my Gameboy back yet?"

Jessie smirked. "Not until you cook the ramen!" Somehow James knew that that was that.

He sighed and got up off the couch, clutching the ramen tightly as if it was some wild animal attempting to escape. For all he knew, it was. As he got into the kitchen, he immediately felt hopelessly lost.

"Um…Jessie?"

"Hmm?" said Jessie, once more completely absorbed in her magazine.

"What do I do now?"

"Well, what do the directions say?" Jessie looked up from her reading with a miffed expression on her face.

"Um…'Boil two cups of water in a saucepan, add noodles and cook three minutes, stirring occasionally.'"

"So do that," said Jessie, turning her attention back to the magazine.

James' eyes filled with tears. "But…but I don't know how!" he wailed. "How do you boil water?"

Jessie looked up again, somewhat disturbed. "You don't know how to boil water?"

James shook his head hopelessly. "No."

"Well, you put it on the stove, heat it up, and it starts to bubble. Then, you put in the noodles!" Jessie explained, clearly fighting the urge to laugh.

"Oh. Okay," said James. He opened up one of the cabinets, and pulled out two different sized cups, looking entirely confused. "Um…Jess?"

"Mmmhmm?"

"Which cups do I use?"

Angrily, Jessie looked up from her magazine again. "Oh, you're hopeless, James! Do you need me to come help you?"

"Uh huh," moaned James, looking very pathetic.

"Oh, all right," muttered Jessie. She hoisted herself out of the armchair, made her way into the kitchen, and promptly removed a measuring cup from the already-open cabinet. "Now," she said, looking James square in the eye. "Take this measuring cup, fill it to the line that says '2' next to it, and pour it into a pot." She paused a bit as she took a small pot out from under the oven. "Then put it on the stove!"

Screwing his face up in concentration, James carefully began to follow her directions. But…she was near enough to smell again…and it was a good smell…a very good smell…but James knew that if he was able to do this, Jessie would be proud of him. Yay! So he forced himself to forget the smell, and do what she had told him. Placing the water-filled pot on the range, he turned to proudly face Jessie. "I did it!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, you did James," said Jessie, in a condescending tone.

There was silence for a moment. James nervously eyed the motionless pot. "Um…when does it start to bubble?"

Jessie scowled and smacked her forehead. "You have to turn the heat on first, James!"

"Ooo, that sounds dangerous!" James cried fearfully, backing hastily away from the stove. Jessie gave him a look, and reached forward to turn the appropriate burner on.

"Now," she said, looking at the back of the ramen package, "when it starts to bubble, put in the noodles and set the timer for three minutes. Um. You'll want to stir the noodles to break them up." She demonstrated the process of setting the timer, certain that it was a skill James didn't currently possess. He watched avidly, not wanting to make a mistake. That mallet hurt. "When the timer goes off, you flip this little dial here so that it says 'off', and add the powder in that little packet. Then you just stir it and you're done. Do you think you can do that?"

James looked a little uncertain, but finally nodded hesitantly. "Um…uh…yes. I think so. What if I burn myself?"

"Well, you'll just have to go to the doctor then, won't you?" With that, Jessie made her way back out of the kitchen to the armchair, plopped down in it, and resumed the reading of her magazine.

James watched the pot avidly. And kept watching. And watched some more. Sighing, he began to tap his fingers on one of the unheated burners. He felt very smart for not burning himself, but was beginning to grow impatient. He must have been waiting for the pot to boil for hours already!

James felt his attention drifting. He looked up, realizing that there were neat little textured patterns on the ceiling. Why, that one looked like a psyduck, and that one looked just like a pretty flower…and there was a good smell, too. But Jessie was all the way across the room…for some reason, that made James very sad. He had no idea why, except that he liked the way she smelled. But he could smell her from where he stood by the stove! That must have been very strong perfume she was wearing. Smelling it reminded him of not hearing what Jessie was trying to say, and that reminded him of finally hearing what she was trying to say, and that reminded him of dinner…

His attention snapped back to the heating pot of water. Oh no! I've probably overdone the water! Oh, Jessie's gonna hit me again, I just know it! James thought plaintively. He looked worriedly into the pot that sat beside him, hoping that he wouldn't see any burn marks on the water…but there weren't even any bubbles. Why aren't there any bubbles? he thought.

"Jessie, why aren't there any bubbles?"

Jessie looked up again, an irritated expression on her face. "You've only been heating the water for a few seconds, James! A watched pot never boils, you know."

"But…but I haven't even been watching it!" But Jessie wasn't listening. Her full attention was back on the magazine. Again. For some reason, James wished that she would pay attention to him instead of that stupid magazine. He didn't know why. In fact, he'd never wished such a thing before, especially since Jessie's attention usually involved pain. Maybe it was because she smelled good.

James was snapped out of his bewilderment by a strange noise coming from behind him. He turned around apprehensively to see…

"AAAH!!! BUBBLES!" James screeched, terrified. Wait…bubbles were a good thing, weren't they? James desperately tried to remember what Jessie had told him to do. Um…uh…I set the timer, James thought to himself, and then I…put the noodles in! And then I stir it. Whee! James set the timer to three minutes, very proud of himself for remembering how. He happily put the noodles in, becoming even more proud of himself. He was such a good cook!

"Uh oh," said James. "Uh…Jessie? What do I stir the ramen with?"

With a growl, Jessie forcefully threw down her magazine, stalked over to the kitchen, got a spoon out of some place that James didn't quite see (maybe it was magic!), stalked back to her armchair, and fell heavily into it. James began to stir the noodles, happily sniffing the smell that Jessie had left behind from her trip into the kitchen. It smelled really good. Again, he was struck with the impression that this was somehow important, but he just couldn't figure out why. He had to remember to ask her what perfume she was wearing, sometime. Maybe he could even buy the male version, if there was one! Or he could just steal Jessie's bottle and spray it around the ***Super-Secret Team Rocket Hideout*** when she wasn't looking, so he could always smell it! At least when he was at home, anyway. Which wasn't very often at all.

James glanced at the timer. Oh, he had an entire minute and twenty-seven seconds left of stirring! Now it was a minute and twenty-six seconds. A minute twenty-five. A minute twenty-four. A minute twenty-three. A minute twenty-two. James' arm was getting very tired. He had to think of something to pass the time, so he wouldn't notice the fatigue so much, or be so bored! Now what could he think about? He could sing the ABC's to himself! No, that wouldn’t' be any fun. He could say the motto to himself! No, that wouldn't be any fun either. He could think about doughnuts! No, that would make him hungry. He could think about his Gameboy! No, that would make him hungry too. He could—

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

James screamed and tried to cling to Jessie in fear…only she wasn't there. Feeling dejected, James decided to be brave and look for the source of the noise. He looked cautiously around the room, readying Weezing's pokeball in his hand—just in case—but then his eyes fell on the timer: zero seconds, it said. Zero seconds. Zero seconds? Zero seconds! James slapped himself on the forehead. Of course! That beeping was the timer!

"James, will you shut off the timer's alarm already, it's giving me a headache!" Jessie snapped from where she sat.

"I was just about to do that," James said, feeling smart for figuring it out all by himself, before Jessie even had to tell him. He pushed the button next to the timer, shutting off the horrible noise, and intelligently turned off the heat. James grinned to himself. Cooking was easy! He was so good at cooking, almost as good as he was at posing! He happily ripped open the package of flavored powder, glad that he remembered everything Jessie had told him, and dumped it into the pot of cooking noodles. As he began stirring, a wonderful smell lifted up from the pot and began viciously assailing his nostrils. It smelled like Jessie! Well, actually, it didn't smell like Jessie, because this smelled like ramen and Jessie smelled like Jessie, but it still smelled really good. And so did Jessie. Only, the ramen smell made him hungry and the Jessie smell—

"GEE WILLIKERS!!!" cried James.

"Gee willikers?" asked Jessie, incredulous. "James, did you just say gee willikers?"

Meowth came bounding in from another room of the ***Super-Secret Team Rocket Hideout***, where he had been doing who-knows-what. "Gee willikers? Don't tell me someone just said gee willikers!"

"Hush Meowth, you're annoying," said Jessie. Leaping up from her sitting position, she promptly hoisted Meowth up and chucked him out of the nearest open window. She sank back into her comfy armchair, sighing with content.

All of this was lost on the frozen James, who had just had a glorious—or so it seemed—revelation. He now knew why Jessie smelled sooo good! Gee willikers! He thought. I think I like, LIKE like her! That's why she smells so good! Well, actually, it's because she's wearing a nice, yummy perfume, but that's what's so important about her smelling good! James was scared to death. What was he going to do? He couldn't LIKE like Jessie, she was his partner! And she had a mallet! And a paper fan! James began wringing his hands and blushing furiously. He didn’t know, but he had a feeling that he had liked Jessie for a long time now, but just hadn't noticed until now. Or, it was more like he had like LIKE LIKELIKE like like LIKED her for a long time now…

"James?" said a voice, fairly close to his ear.

James jumped, and clung to Jessie in fear. Realizing what he had just done, he sprang away from her and began trying to climb the wall. Jessie just stared at him, and picked up the pot of ramen.

"I was just trying to tell you that the ramen is done, and you did a good job for your first try…are you blushing?" she said, looking at him as if he was crazy out the corner of her eye as she began to search around for some bowls and chopsticks.

"Blushing? I'm not blushing. Why would I blush? I have no reason to blush!" cried James, desperately. All of this was said very fast.

"Here," said Jessie, eyeing him suspiciously. She handed him a bowl of ramen and some chopsticks.

Holding the chopsticks and bowls artfully, Jessie and James struck a magnificent pose. Yellow and green streaks swirled behind them prettily. "Looks like Team Rocket's eating ramen again!" they cried gleefully, and sat down at the table to eat dinner…

…But the blush never left James' face as he wolfed down his meal.