The Author Commentary Chapter!
[Um…hi! Author here. I just have too many snide remarks, sarcastic views, and opinions that no one really wants to hear to keep quiet through this whole thing. So I present to you…*~*THE AUTHOR COMMENTARY CHAPTER!!!*~*
To tell the truth, Jessie had actually enjoyed the ramen that James had cooked that night. Granted, it was virtually impossible to ruin ramen without purposely trying to—she could even cook it well, and she wasn’t all that skillful in the kitchen—but it had tasted good, and that was good enough for her. ‘And,’ she recalled with a snicker, ‘James put a lot of effort into that meal!’
Now Jessie was sitting peacefully in her armchair, pretending to read a magazine as James absorbed himself completely in that stupid Gameboy of his, which she had just recently returned to him. But her mind wasn't really on the magazine at all. It was on a disturbing notion that had come to her not too long ago as she was loading her beautiful red hair with seven cans of hair spray one morning. It had been on her mind ever since. She really wasn't sure that being a bad guy (or girl, as the case may be) suited her any more. She wasn't sure that it had suited her at all in the first place. For one thing, she did not like being ordered around by someone else, namely the boss. Also, though she hated to admit it, her team wasn't very good at the whole bad guy thing at all. It must have been because of James or Meowth, because there was no way that it could be any fault of her own, but still. She wasn't experiencing any success, here!
Jessie glanced at James over the top of her magazine. He made playing Gameboy look very difficult. His tongue was sticking out the side of his mouth in concentration, and his hair was all tousled. [How, exactly, does one's hair get tousled from playing Gameboy? Ah, the mysteries of life! Or, more like the mysteries of my twisted mind. Hmm.] He was making little jerking motions from time to time, probably an effect of outstanding feats being performed by whatever little character he was controlling. Should she tell him of her doubts? She took another skeptical look at her game-enthralled partner. No, she thought. ‘I'd better not tell him. He'd just get confused, and I'd have to hit him again.’
Suddenly, a glorious and ingenious thought occurred to her. She could search for work outside of the bad guy business, along with James, and he wouldn't even have to know that she was considering turning…good! She was sure that he wouldn't ask any questions. If he did, she'd just hit him!
"Oh, James!" she called, in the sweetest tone she could manage.
James just pounded away on his Gameboy, completely oblivious of everything going on around him.
"Stupid…" Jessie muttered to herself. She jumped up out of her chair, letting the magazine fall to the ground, and stalked over to stand in front of him, arms crossed. When he didn't so much as glance up from that atrocious game of his, Jessie was forced to snatch it out of his hands and hide it behind her back. To her satisfaction, James looked up at her.
"Hey, no fair, that's mine! Give it back! You're gonna make me die!" he whined.
Jessie whacked him and turned his Gameboy off. Though…he looked so pathetic that he was almost cute…Jessie quickly scratched that thought. Of course James wasn't cute. What was she thinking?
"Waaaaaaah, Jessie!"
"Quiet, fool!" Jessie growled. Then, changing her tone to one of sickening sweetness, she said, "Come, James, let's go wander aimlessly through the hinterlands and non-hinterlands for no apparent reason!"
James looked at her blankly. "Do I get to take my Gameboy?"
"No, you don't get to take your Gameboy!" she said savagely, hitting him on the head. "Now, let's go!"
"But…but…if we're going to be gone for a while, I need to pack!" James cried, rubbing his head painfully.
Jessie rolled her eyes at him [*She* knows that cartoons don't need to pack bags, as they just pull everything they might need out of thin air!] and began dragging him out the door after her, held firmly by the wrist.
"But…but Jessie!" James stammered, jerking his arm away from her grasp as they walked down the sidewalk and to the street. "What are we wandering aimlessly for? What's our aimless aim? Are we going to try to steal Pikachu?"
"Of course we're not going to try to steal Pikachu! It appears that we, uh, lost Meowth, so we have no one to make plans for stealing Pikachu!"
"Oh…can we just stalk the twerps, then?" James asked hopefully.
It was as if a light bulb turned on over Jessie's head. One very well might have. Of course! It was an excellent plan! Stalking twerps wasn't exactly evil, and it would provide a prime opportunity for job hunting, as the goody-goodies were always traveling from city to city!
"Why, yes, James, that's an excellent idea!" Jessie exclaimed, very pleased with herself. From the expression on James' face, it was clear that he was pleased with himself, as well.
In little time at all, Jessie and James were hot on the twerps' trail. ‘Of course, thought Jessie, we're walking through the forest. Those twerps always travel through the forest!’ Jessie really didn't mind it, of course. She was quite used to walking through the forest, on or off trail. It was practically what her life consisted of. Actually, she quite enjoyed it, especially on a day like this one. The sun was shining as well as it could, considering the many branches that barred its way, and consequently made intricate patterns of light on the forest floor. Tiny blue, purple, and white wildflowers poked up through the floor of dead pine needles and discarded leaves of the aspens that grew here and there. The pine-filled air smelled wonderful—though it was sometimes difficult to discern any other good smell from Jessie's own perfume, which was an absolutely divine scent that perfectly enhanced her natural beauty. She was happy to note, as well, that she and James made hardly a sound to disguise the singing of the small birds that flitted from branch to branch overhead. Good. Those twerps would never be able to tell that they were being followed!
The twerps made quite a bit of noise themselves, what with their constant chatter and markedly unstealthy movements. ‘Ha,’ thought Jessie to herself. ‘Those children would never make good stalkers!’ [And Team Rocket would? I'm sorry, but their attempts to be evil have been seriously unsuccessful until this moment…I wouldn't be surprised if something happens sooner or later to blow their cover…and now that I've said that, and I'm the author, it will probably never happen. :P]
"Well, guys, it's starting to get dark. We should probably set up camp now," came Misty's voice.
"No, Misty! We have to travel as far as we possibly can each day so that I can visit a million gyms and become a Pokemon master by the age of twelve!" Ash screamed defiantly.
"Well, if we'd wanted to cover as much ground as possible, why didn't we just ride bicycles or something?" Misty thought about that for a moment. "Wait, I know why! Not all of us HAVE bicycles, you bicycle-trashing idiot!" She proceeded to strangle Ash.
Jessie nudged James. "Are you watching this?" she whispered. James nodded excitedly, and let out a tiny giggle.
"Now, now, break it up you guys," Brock said, attempting to get between Ash and his potential murderer. "Ash has got a point. We need to get to town as quickly as we can! My vulpix has…uh…developed a horrible disease and I need to get to a Pokemon center as soon as possible!"
Misty gave off strangling Ash to give Brock a look. Ash gratefully rubbed his throat, but looked entirely clueless as to Brock's ulterior motives. [And we sure do know that he has 'em, folks!]
"We do NOT need to go to a Pokemon center, you are NOT probably even going to EVER be a Pokemon master, and we DO need to stop for the night!" Misty drove these statements home with a powerful blow to each boy's head.
Jessie couldn't help thinking that Misty really was a girl after her own heart, sometimes. But only sometimes. She looked on at the fighting twerps, quite entertained by the whole thing.
"What did you say, Misty?" Ash said, looking as if he was torn between severe sadness and severe anger.
"I SAID, Ash Ketchum, that you've become a dumb little twerp, and you're really starting to get on my nerves! I can't believe I've followed you around for so long! I can't believe I used to have a CRUSH on you! Rrrrrgh!" Misty growled.
"No, that's not what you said Misty—" Dawning comprehension spread across Ash's face. "You used to…have a crush on me?"
Misty looked up from glaring at Brock, who was already seated on his unrolled sleeping bag, stroking his vulpix and crooning about the breeder that had given it to him. "Yes, Ash, I used to have a crush on you!" she said, turning her glare to Ash. "I really don't want to talk about it right now, or ever again for that matter, though, so just leave me alone, okay!" With that she began unrolling her own sleeping bag and placing it next to Brock's. "Now, I'm going to go find some firewood!" Misty turned around and stalked into the woods, growling obscenities.
"I think it's that time of the month again…" Brock muttered to Ash. Ash gave him a blank look.
"And Brock's coming with me!" Misty announced, bursting out of the bushes. She grabbed him by the ear and dragged him after her. "I heard that," she growled to him.
Team Rocket shrank up against two large trees, pretending to be bushes as Misty and the unfortunate Brock passed dangerously close. Luckily, Misty was in such a blinding rage that she couldn't see anything more than the ground in front of her, and poor Brock only had slits for eyes.
"Well," said James, as the two twerps passed out of sight, "as long as they're stopping for the night, we may as well set up camp too."
Jessie nodded, and began unrolling the sleeping bag that she magically pulled out of the air. James did the same, and conjured up a campfire in no time. Jessie looked at the campfire approvingly. ‘That little twerp Misty is so clueless! Why go to all the trouble of gathering firewood when you can produce one almost instantaneously with almost no work?’ A disgusting thought occurred to her, and she wrinkled up her nose. ‘They'd better be gathering firewood…’
"Jessie?" said James, already snuggled up in his sleeping bag and looking as if he could drop off at any second. "I've been thinking."
"You have?" said Jessie incredulously, changing into her nightgown in one fluid motion. She smiled to herself, glad to be such an adept clothes changing artist.
"Um…yes," said James. "I was just thinking…and I know you're going to hit me for this…but I was just thinking that, well, maybe we shouldn't be bad guys anymore. Let's face it, we're just not what we used to be!"
Jessie didn't know what to say. She was ecstatic! James had read her mind. Now she didn't have to figure out how to put to words her thoughts of quitting Team Rocket…but instead of agreeing with him, Jessie did what seemed fitting. She pulled out a frying pan and hit James over the head with it.
"'Night James," she said, slipping into her own sleeping bag.
"'Night Jessie," mumbled James.
[Just a little interjection here, before I start the next part of this chapter. I am firmly and adamantly against the spelling of Jessie's name as "Jesse". Yes, I know, that's how Jesse James spelled it, but he was a man, you know. "Jesse" is quite clearly the masculine spelling of the name, and I think you're crazy if you find Jessie to be the least bit masculine. I know, we've all seen her in men's clothes, but haven't we seen James in women's clothes? Ummm…okay, bad example, but still. She is too obsessed with her fashion and makeup and stuff to be named "Jesse"! Thank you for your time.]
It was amazing how little time it took to get to the nearest town, Doughnut Town, the next day. It seemed to Jessie that they had barely woken up (along with the twerps) before they were walking down its streets, not-so-stealthily. It appeared that the twerps were being so unbearably oblivious to all that was going on around them that they had no idea that they were being followed by their ever-present enemies. All seemed well between the three again, as if Misty had never blown a gasket in the first place. Come to think of it, Jessie wasn't even certain that Misty had blown a gasket.
"Mmmm, Doughnut Town!" said James. Dreamily, he gazed at the numerous doughnut shops that they passed. "Maybe we should get a doughnut, Jessie. I like doughnuts."
"I know you like doughnuts, James, but we have to get that pikachu!"
James looked at her strangely for some reason. "But I thought—"
"No, you didn't. I know you too well." She immediately felt sorry for saying that. That was a surprise, because she usually didn't feel sorry at all…
"Well…what's the plan?" asked James.
"Meowth?" Jessie looked down at her feline counterpart.
"Well, we sneak up, grab the pikachu, and run like the dickens!" said Meowth.
Jessie clasped her hands in front of her in a joyously enchanted way. "Of course! What a wonderful plan Meowth, it's bound to work!"
With that, Meowth saluted and dematerialized. Jessie and James proceeded to sneak up, grab the pikachu, and run like the dickens.
"Hey, no fair!" called the uber-twerp from behind them. "You can't steal Pikachu!"
"We just did!" Jessie cackled over her shoulder. The twerps never even started to run after them, but just stared forlornly after Team Rocket as Pikachu got carried away.
Jessie and James skidded to a stop in a section of street completely devoid of human life.
"I can't believe we got Pikachu!" squealed James gleefully.
"Well we did!" said Jessie, posing. James posed simultaneously.
"Pika!" said Pikachu.
"Quiet, Pikachu, we have to say something cool and let pretty colors swirl behind us!" hissed Jessie.
"Yay!" said Jessie and James in unison, each extending one arm to point in no particular direction. Blue and purple stars moved slowly behind them.
"I'll take this to your boss for you," said a voice.
Jessie and James turned around to see a man wearing a Fed-Ex uniform and sunglasses holding a very enthusiastic Pikachu.
"Pika-pi! Pikachu pi pika pika ka kachu! Pikaaaachu!" exclaimed Pikachu.
"Bye, Pikachu! Have fun!" said Jessie and James, waving and grinning as the Fed-Ex man walked off majestically with Pikachu.
Jessie turned to her partner. "Well, James, there are plenty of doughnut shops—"
"Attention, everyone!" Officer Jenny was striding down the street, yelling into her megaphone. "It's ***Super Sappy Team Rocket Love Confession Time***!!!"
Jessie felt a jolt. "Super…wha?"
With that she found herself in a gigantic ballroom, dancing with James, who happened to be wearing a tuxedo.
"What? What was Officer Jenny talking about? Where are we?"
"We're in my parents' house, I think…"
"Why?" demanded Jessie, alarmed.
"Um…it's more romantic than a street in Doughnut Town, I think…"
"Romantic!?" Jessie wasn't quite sure what she thought of that. "And what kind of crazy rich person dance are we doing? How do I know it?"
"The Mashed Potato. It's intuitive, I think…"
"The Mashed Potato? Isn't that a one person dance?"
James gave her a blank look, his face dangerously close to hers. This didn't seem like the Mashed Potato…suddenly a terrified look came across his face, and his head whirled around fast enough for his purplish-blue hair to hit her in the eyes.
"Yeargh! James, what the—" Jessie stopped abruptly as she caught sight of a woman who looked exactly like her, only her hair was styled into ringlets that so did not become her. She was stalking towards them furiously in a way that Jessie could only describe as "proper".
"Eek! Jessie, save me!" screeched James, clinging to her fearfully.
"James, is that who I think it is?" wailed Jessie, clinging back in horror.
Before it even occurred to her to scream, however, Jessie found herself in a cave, still clinging to James.
"What just happened?" she cried, her eyes darting madly around her new surroundings.
"Hey, Jess, you know what time it is?" asked James, instead of even acknowledging her question.
"What time?" asked Jessie, pulling herself free from James. She was beginning to get annoyed at all this.
"It's ***Super Sappy Team Rocket Love Confession Time***!!!" cried James joyously.
"What..?" Jessie began, but then she was overcome with a wave of super-sappiness. "Oh! I get it!"
James nodded enthusiastically. "Me first!"
"Okay!"
An extra-romantic version of the stand-by motto-reciting theme began playing in the background as Jessie looked at James with big, round, love-struck eyes.
"Oh, my darling Jessie! I love you with all my heart and soul! I've loved you since we were in that bike gang together and you were so cool with that big chain!" He handed her a rose. Jessie took it, beaming.
"James! I love you too! I don't exactly know how long I've loved you, but…I know I had a really big crush on you at Pokemon Tech!"
"Oh, Jessie!"
"Oh, James!"
With that James took Jessie in his arm and began kissing her passionately—
Jessie awoke with a start, sweat soaked and screaming at such a volume that she startled everything within a ten-mile radius into wakefulness. Her screams continued for several minutes, until she flopped back onto her pillow, breathing heavily and completely exhausted.
"Bad dream?" said a voice next to her. She turned over to see who it was, and immediately began screaming her lungs out again.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! JAMES!!! Get back! Back I say! You stay away from me!" Jessie tried her best to scoot herself away from him, but that was difficult as she was confined inside her sweaty sleeping bag.
"Um…want a doughnut?" asked James, pulling out a box from under his pillow.
"AAAARG! Don't say…the d-word!" Jessie pulled out her mallet and bashed him over the head with it.
"What, doughnut?"
She hit him again, harder.
"Okay, okay, I get the point. What so bad about, um, the d-word anyway?"
"Well, in my horrible nightmare we started out in…D-word Town."
"Oooooh, I want to go there!"
Jessie scowled and refrained from hitting him again. She didn't want to give him any further brain damage, after all.
"So, good night Jessie, feel better in the morning!" James promptly fell asleep again. Jessie grumbled to herself and turned over so that her back was facing James. She sighed to herself and miraculously fell back asleep, not even noticing the small smile on her face.
[Hee hee, had ya fooled didn't I? Well, okay, probably not, what with the dematerializing Meowths and instant teleportation to different places…but hey, a girl can try. And, who knows, we all know what screwy stuff can happen in cartoons, and we all know that I'm a little weird, so it didn't *have* to be a dream. But it was! And I guess that's the point. So, anyway, everyone may sing the praises of *me*, your very favorite soon-to-be-famous author. And I will be famous one day, mind you! And I'll be an orthodontist. And live in California. But for now, I'm a fourteen-year old fanfic writer and church columnist who lives in Idaho and watches Pokemon (always noticing the constant *touching* between Jessie and James, of course!).]
