Team Twerp

Well, the deed had been done. Jessie and James were walking away from the ***Super-Special Team Rocket Boss Hideout***, dressed in normal clothing. Jessie didn't feel right at all in her denim short-shorts (about as short as Misty's but without being rolled up), sky blue crop top, and flip flops. She felt so naked without thigh high boots and exceedingly long gloves! ‘At least I'm not wearing suspenders,’ she thought ruefully, shuddering at Misty's horrible fashion mistake.

Jessie glanced over at James. Though she hated to admit it, he looked very nice in "normal" clothing. He, too, was wearing denim shorts, though they reached a little beyond his knee, and Jessie was surprised to note that the colorful Hawaiian shirt he wore was so amazingly…him.

"I miss my boots," James whined, looking down woefully at the sandals he wore.

"You miss your boots!" Jessie scoffed. "Mine made up the greater part of my outfit! Well, along with my gloves, of course."

James sighed. "Well, I guess I'm glad, in a way. Now we don't have to fail to catch Pikachu anymore!"

"Yahoo!" Jessie and James began doing one of their little touchdown dances.

"You know, I'm surprised that the Boss was so easy on us," said James once they had capered long enough.

"Yes," said Jessie, remembering the ordeal. It really didn't deserve the name "ordeal" at all.

She and James had walked right into his office thingy, wearing exactly what they wore now. They had pushed their neatly folded uniforms at him, cried "We quit!" as one, and stood back to back with their arms folded, waiting for the Boss's response.

"Okay. Bye," he had said. And that was it. No anger, no joy, just that dismissive statement. Jessie and James had stood there open-mouthed for a moment, until the Boss waved them irritably aside. "Go now, it's time for Survivor to start, and you'll distract me. Go away!"

Jessie shook her head. It certainly had been odd. But now she was free! There was still the question of what they would do in order to make money and avoid starving, but…she wasn't part of an evil organization anymore!

"James," she asked. "Just what are we going to do now that we're not bad guys anymore?"

"Um…join up with the twerps, I guess."

Jessie stopped in her tracks. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Oh, come on, Jess! It'll be fun!" said James, giving her a pat on the back that sent her reeling.

"Don't ever do that again."

"Sorry."

Jessie looked up at James, arms folded. She found having to look up to meet his eyes a little unnerving, as she was used to being at eye level with him. She made a mental note to buy some heels next time they came to a mall. "Seriously, James. What are we going to do?"

"Well, we're not going to go beg money off of my parents!"

"Oh, no! Don't even suggest it."

"Honestly, I think our best bet right now is to become twerps! It'll present us with a great opportunity to search for jobs through all the cities they travel to!"

"James, you're starting to scare me."

"Come on, Jessie. We can just try it!"

Jessie sighed. "All right. If you insist."

"Yay! Now let's use our Rocket Sense to find them!"

Jessie and James stared at each other for a moment. "Uh oh."

"Do we have a Rocket Sense anymore?" asked Jessie fearfully.

"Did we in the first place?"

"Hmm. Good question. Wasn't Pikachu helping us out?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"All right then," said Jessie. "So where are we going?"

"Oh, I had forgotten! I got this in the mail this morning," said James. He pulled out an envelope addressed to the both of them. The return address indicated that it was from Pikachu.

"I've always wondered how mail reaches us in the wilderness."

"Beats me." James shrugged, and began opened the letter.

Jessie started reading the letter, and as always she couldn't help but be impressed with the little rodent for being able to write so well in English. Of course, it was clear that he understood English, from the way he was always able to reply to statements made by humans, but she never ceased to be amazed at his writing abilities.

Dear Team Rocket,
Hey there, how've you been? Sorry about thundershocking you that last time…it's just so much fun! And I'm sorry that I blew up your contraption the time before, and the time before that, and all that stuff. I just can't help myself! You guys use so many shiny buttons and OOO! I can't resist.
Don't worry, you three! You'll steal me someday and get me away from this stupid twerp Ash. I hate having to pretend to like him. I don't even know why I pretend to like him. In fact, I think I'll stop. Next time I'll just go with you, how about that? Of course, I'll probably get distracted and thundershock you, or Ash will get really lucky and get me back somehow, but don't lose hope! Someday you'll succeed.
Okay, just to clear something up. You know how I always act so heroic and stuff around Ash? It's not because I like him or anything! Hey, even pokemon have macho pride to keep up…and there are times that I can't just watch the poor kid die, you know. I'm not heartless.
So, I guess I'll see you around, huh? Right now we're lost in the forest outside of Ecru City. Dumb name for a city, isn't it?

Love and kisses,
Pikachu

P.S. If you catch me this time, will you let me ride on your head? It's fun.

Jessie and James turned to each other after reading the note, and posed. Ecru dots raced behind them as they both yelled triumphantly. "Ecru City it is!"

* * *

James was surprised with how quickly they found the twerps. He was also surprised that Jessie had been acting so…sane since that little episode with Officer Jenny. He had been certain that she was losing it. Maybe she just hid it well. He and Jessie were sitting up in a tree, watching the twerps through binoculars that they made by curling their hands into two circles and placing them over their eyes. They had had to give up their really cool binoculars along with their uniforms, but as long as the twerps weren't too far away, hands worked just fine.

"Psst! James!" hissed Jessie, smelling good. "Don't you think we can get out of this tree, now?"

With that smell in his nostrils, and Jessie so close, James found it hard to concentrate. ‘Um…tree? What did she say about a…tree?’ James thought. He honestly could not remember what Jessie had just said, so he just nodded, and hoped it was an appropriate answer.

"All right, then!" said Jessie, and she slid off the branch to land gracefully on the ground. James followed her lead, but his landing was not so elegant.

"Yowch…Jessie, can you help me up?"

Jessie looked down at him with an amused glint in her eye. "Why, of course, James." For some reason, James expected to be hit, but Jessie simply extended her hand to pull him to his feet. James smiled gratefully, ready to continue with…whatever it was they were doing. Joining the twerps, he thought.

He and Jessie turned as one to face the now-staring twerps (they had never been very far off in the first place) and begin reciting their motto.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it double…" Suddenly James was stricken with a thought. He turned to Jessie and began whispering to her behind his hand. "Jessie! Are we allowed to use that motto anymore?"

Jessie stared at him, wide eyed. "Well, I don't know," she whispered. "Um…let's just make rhyming stuff up as we go along, shall we?"

James nodded. "Okay. Your turn."

"To make noble attempts to be all twerpish."

"To…drink lots of soda and be all…burpish?"

"To plant the world's gardens with pink petunias!"

"To…uh…OH, FORGET IT! Jessie, you're supposed to use words that I can rhyme with!"

Jessie just grinned evilly at him.

"Um…what are you two doing here?" asked Ash, quite clearly bewildered.

"Oh, don't be stupid, what are we ever here for?" scoffed Jessie.

"Pika!" said Pikachu happily, scampering forward to hop into Jessie's arms.

Ash gasped. "You're trying to steal my pikachu, aren't you?"

James chuckled. "Actually, we're not. Pikachu just wants to go with us because he secretly hates you!" James handed Ash Pikachu's letter to prove his point. "Read this."

Ash, Brock, and Misty clustered together to read what Pikachu had written. Ash began to sniffle, and in little time was writhing on the ground, absolutely bawling his eyes out.

"Oh, don't be such a crybaby, you little twerp," said Jessie, rolling her eyes. She glanced over at James, and he caught another whiff of whatever magic perfume she was wearing. It was so wonderful! "Now, on to business, James?"

"What? Oh…oh yeah! Okay."

Pikachu hopped out of Jessie's arms as James and Jessie posed, extending their arms above their heads and to the sides and clasping hands (in a purely platonic way, of course, as James knew that Jessie would never be…unplatonic). Modified bad-guy music began to play, and a swirling red background appeared behind them.

"We're joining up with you, twerps!" With that they turned so that they could point at the twerps with their previously clasped hands. James let out a little sigh. It had been nice while it lasted.

The twerps just stared at Jessie and James dumbly. Pikachu's letter fell out of Misty's hands, but she made no move to pick it up. She probably had no clue that she wasn't holding it anymore. The ex-Team Rocket just stared right back. One of the brats would snap out of it eventually…

"What happened to your outfits?" said Brock, after what seemed like an hour.

"We stood up to the boss and quit Team Rocket!" Jessie and James cried in unison. This, of course, called for another pose.

"What?" said Ash, finally making an effort to get up off the ground.

"We said that we quit Team Rocket!" said Jessie.

"So we're going to join up with you in an attempt to job hunt, despite the fact that you're despicable little twerps!"

"Pika pi! Kachu!" said Pikachu. (Translation: And from now on, I'm going with them!)

"That's right, Pikachu!" said James, lifting the small yellow furball onto his shoulder.

There was a stunned silence from the twerps. "So you're saying," said Ash, slowly and carefully, "that you're going to go with us on my pokemon journey? And you can understand Pikachu?"

"Duh," James said.

"And please, don't call it a "pokemon journey" when we're with you…it will make it look like we associate with sappy twerps," said Jessie disdainfully.

"Um, Jessie," James muttered behind his hand. "We are associating with sappy twerps."

"But we don't want it to look like we are," Jessie muttered back.

"Uh…I'm not sure we really want you two with us. You were our antagonists, you know," Ash said. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Oh no! I don't have any bad guys to fight anymore! What am I going to do? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!?" With that, Ash dove screaming into the bushes.

"That was…odd," said Jessie, raising an eyebrow.

"The twerps don't want us with them? I feel hurt," pouted James.

"Heh heh, of course we want you with us! Don't listen to him!" Misty and Brock said together, a little too enthusiastically. They were blushing, for some reason.

James looked inquisitively at Jessie. She rolled her eyes as if to say, "Twerps. Go figure." Even that slight movement sent a wave of scent toward James. He shut his eyes tightly, resisting the almost overpowering urge to grab Jessie and kiss her…curse those blasted inhibitions of his!

Suddenly, Ash was on the scene once again. "Um, I just realized that if I ran too far, I'd get lost and probably die of starvation."

Misty muttered something incomprehensible.

"We're lost anyway, Ash," said Brock. He pulled out a map and began studying it from several different angles.

Jessie sighed and pulled out a bedroll, flinging it down onto the ground.

"What are you doing?" asked Misty. "We don't need to set up camp yet! It's four in the afternoon!"

"We'll just get more lost if we keep going, so what's the point?" Jessie sighed, seating herself on her sleeping bag with her knees pulled up to her chest.

"We will not!" protested Brock. "I'm a good navigator!"

All present began laughing hysterically.

"Fine," muttered Brock, looking disgruntled. After several attempts to pull a sleeping bag out of thin air, he turned desperately to the ex-Team Rocket. "How do you do these things?"

"It’s on your back, Brock,” said Jessie. Brock looked sheepish.

"What about me?" cried Ash.

“What did I just tell Brock?” sighed Jessie, fed up with the twerp’s stupidity.

During all of this, James had managed to produce and set up his and Jessie’s sleeping bags, and he and Jessie now proceeded to almost instantaneously build a roaring campfire. Both sat down next to it and began cooking s’mores.

"Ooh, I want some!" Brock reached for the bag of marshmallows, but James wrapped himself around them defensively.

"Oh, come on, James, let the poor twerp have some marshmallows," said Jessie, smiling a little.

"But…they're my marshmallows!"

"Good point." She turned to Brock. "Back off twerp! Get your own marshmallows!"

"But…I…We only have stale marshmallows!" Brock complained. Jessie whipped out her fan and began waving at him menacingly, and he submitted. "Gimme some of those year-past-expiration-date marshmallows, Misty," he said, going over to sit on his own sleeping bag.

Two hours later, every bit of food that they had with them had been eaten. Brock, Misty, and Ash were lying in misery on their sleeping bags, moaning. Their stomachs all stuck out a good six inches more than they had before they started eating. James looked over at them in spite. ‘Amateurs,’ he thought to himself, checking to make sure that there was absolutely nothing else to eat. He, Jessie, and Pikachu were all just as fit as ever, with no stomach swelling and no agonized moaning.

"Oh, shape up, twerps. Don't be such weenies!" Jessie said mockingly.

"Pika pi pikachu chu pika pi kachu pi KAchu!" said Pikachu. (Translation: Wimps!)

"Hey…don’t call us wimps, Pikachu…" Ash said halfheartedly. "We can eat a lot, we're young…"

James, Jessie, and Pikachu all started laughing wildly at this.

"Obviously not! We've only been eating junk food for two hours straight!" exclaimed James.

"James' record is five hours," said Jessie proudly. Wow! Jessie was proud of him! James felt very special.

"So! What are we going to do now?" said Jessie, bouncing up and down. She was very chipper, right the moment.

"Hee hee! Beats me!" cried James. Come to think of it, he was chipper too! He and Jessie both turned to look at the twerps expectantly.

The twerps only moaned. James sighed and rested his head on his hand. He had too much energy to just sit around and do nothing!

The solution to his problem came when he was suddenly jabbed in the arm, very forcefully. "NIM!!!" cried Jessie exultantly.

Well, this game was easy to catch on to! James poked her back. "NIM!!!" It was fun, too!

"NIM!!!" Poke, poke.

"NIM!!!" Poke.

"NIM!!!" Poke!

"NIM!!!" Poke, poke, poke!

James could vaguely hear Misty moaning something to the other twerps. "Remind me never to let Jessie and James have sugar again…"

James took a break from poking for a little bit to reply to this. "You had sugar too!"

"Yes, but…"

"But nothing! Sugar's goooood! NIM!!!" He poked Jessie again.

"Haha, NIM!!!" Jessie poked him back. "Hey I know! We can play pee spoons! Anyone got any beverages?"

"Pee spoons?" moaned Ash.

"Yes, pee spoons!" Jessie said irritably. "It's like regular spoons, but instead of getting out, you drink water! The first person to go to the bathroom loses! And every ten minutes, the amount of water you have to drink goes up!"

"I thought everyone knew about pee spoons!" cried James, poking Jessie again. Poking Jessie was fun! It always released a little puff of perfume. "So, anybody got anything to drink?"

Miraculously, all three twerps sat right up. Pikachu was happily bouncing on each of their heads, like stepping stones. "I have some lemonade in my backpack," said Ash, "but it's the concentrated kind."

"Well, I have five gallons of water!" shrieked Jessie, producing five gallon-sized jugs.

"Let's just drink the water," said James. He pulled out six glasses. Pikachu would want to play too, of course. "Lemonade gives me weird dreams."

"SO WHAT!?" yelled Jessie, hitting him upside the head. "Lemonade has…SUGAR!!!"

"NIM!!!" said James. "All right, fine! I like weird dreams!"

Ash handed Jessie his container of concentrated lemonade and Jessie busily began mixing it with the water. In no time, they had five gallon jugs of lemonade, where they once had five gallon jugs of water. Jessie pulled out a deck of cards and five spoons and began dealing.

It was ten o'clock at night when Ash finally screamed, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" and ran off into the bushes to relieve himself. All but Misty immediately followed suit. Misty was an extremely good spoons player.

When all were seated around the campfire once more, James looked excitedly over at Jessie. "You know what this means…"

"TIME TO GIVE ASH A MAKEOVER!!" he and Jessie cried in unison. Jessie tossed him some of her makeup, and they both immediately set to work on Ash.

"Misty! Brock! Hold him down!" cried Jessie. She had an almost hysterical tone to her voice—definitely a symptom of consuming more sugar in the past six hours than any human being should in a lifetime. James found it very difficult to put foundation on Ash's face. For one thing, Ash was thrashing like a maniac. For another thing, James' hand was shaking so hard that he could barely control it. And last—but most certainly not least—Jessie was crouched right next to him and she smelled really, really good.

But, despite the little issues blocking Ash's path to beauty, Jessie and James were done in no time. It was really a hideous sight to see. Ash had makeup all over his face, with no particular rhyme or reason to it.

Jessie shrugged her quaking shoulders. "Eh. It's the best we can do with a super-duper really really intense sugar high! Night night!" With that she whipped off her "normal" clothing to reveal her silky nightgown. James followed her lead, only he didn't end up in a nightgown. Both jumped into their sleeping bags, trying to ignore the insane pikachu that was running madly in circles around them.

"Go away, Pikachu!" James whined, picking the rodent up by the nape of its neck and throwing it across the campfire to where the twerps were lying down in their sleeping bags. Pikachu landed on its feet and began running laps around the three brats, instead.

"Pika-piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!"

For apparently no reason, Jessie had suddenly begun to giggle insanely.

"What is it, Jessie?" James asked, eager for anything that would help him get rid of some of his astronomical amount of energy.

"Hee hee, chicken pillows!"

"Chicken pillows?"

"Yes, chicken pillows! Haven't you ever eaten chicken pillows? I just think it's a really funny name for a food!" She let out another mad giggle. James started laughing, too. He couldn't help it. Chicken pillows!

"What are you two doing over there?" James could hear Brock say.

"Chicken pillows!" he replied. This produced another fit of laughter from both himself and the temporarily crazed girl lying in the sleeping bag next to his.

"Ooh! I know how to make those!" said Brock. And that was the end of it. As far as James could tell, all three twerps had immediately dropped off to sleep.

Jessie and he, however, were unable to sleep until four in the morning. Stupid sugar-immune twerps.