Funky Dreams

Brock stirred in his sleep, while Jessie and James were playing the name game. He was almost completely unaware of this, however, as he was having a very interesting dream.

Brock had 22 of his 23 true loves lined up in a row. They were beaming at him with identical looks of adoration (they were all Nurse Joys) and wearing very thin white T-shirts. Each was holding a large pitcher of water.

"Okay, now, ladies! The games are about to begin!" Brock cried enthusiastically. He didn't blush the slightest bit. Why on Earth would Brock blush? He didn't get the slightest bit nervous around women! He looked around, mildly irritated. "We just need my True Love #3 to show up…" The Joys all giggled.

"I'm here! I'm here! Sorry I'm late, Brock you studly man's man!" cried the voice belonging to his True Love #3. She swept into view, her long, brilliant red hair flowing behind her, with a beauty to rival even that of the Joys. She, too, was wearing a white T-shirt and carrying a pitcher. She found her place between True Loves #2 and #4, and turned to face Brock, beaming.

"All right, girls! On the count of three the water pours and the contest starts! I'll be the judge! One, two—" Brock was interrupted by the sound of the most obnoxious song in the history of the world, being sung by the last voice he wanted to hear right at the moment.

"Brock, Brock, bo Brock, banana fanna fo Frock, fe fi fo Mrock. Bro-ock!" James came waltzing in, singing at the top of his lungs. He headed straight for Jessie.

"James! How nice to see you!" cried Jessie.

"Now, wait a minute, Jessie, you can't just skip out on the wet T-shirt contest just because James is here!" whined Brock.

"Of course I can, Brock!" she said, smiling at James.

"Urgh, FINE! Go off with your boyfriend, then! You two are just such a perfect little couple…well, you make me sick!" yelled Brock.

"We are NOT a couple," Jessie and James said firmly.

"Yes you are! You're holding hands, you idiots!"

"We are not," said Jessie, hurriedly removing her hand from James'.

"Besides, even if we like each other, I'd have to ask her out for us to technically be a couple!" James said.

"Or I can ask you out! James, wanna go to dinner with me tomorrow night?" said Jessie sweetly.

"Sure!" They walked off, arm in arm, turning together to stick their tongues out at Brock just before they passed out of sight.

Brock sniffled, and took out a tissue in order to blow his nose. "Right. So. Girls, if you're ready?" The Joys all nodded, and Brock continued half-heartedly. "One, two—"

"Stop right there!"

Brock turned around to see Gary coming towards him, and groaned. "What are you doing here, Gary? Shouldn't you be terrorizing Ash?"

"Well, I was just in the neighborhood, and decided to recruit some new cheerleaders! So, what do you say, girls?" He turned to the Joys and smirked.

"Oooh! Gary, Gary, he's our man, he'll treat us better than any Brock can! Yaaaaaaay!" All twenty-two Joys filed out behind Gary, waving newly acquired pompoms.

Brock fell to his knees in anguish. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

* * *

Meowth lay in the bed that the old lady had prepared for him. She was a kindly woman who had found him unconscious outside one of the windows of the ***Super-Secret Team Rocket Hideout***. The only problem was, once the lady rehabilitated a pokemon, she never let it go. Saving hurt creatures seemed to be a hobby of hers, so there were many pokemon that lived at her house. They certainly kept Meowth company, and were really quite nice, but Meowth wanted to be outside again, searching for his team mates. He was certain that they weren't at the hideout any more. They rarely stayed for very long, and he couldn't imagine why his absence would keep them from leaving. So with every day he spent in the old lady's care, they got farther and farther away…of course, that didn't bother him right now, as he was having the most pleasant dream he had had in a very long time.

Meowth was lying on the beach, sipping at a glass of milk sporting a cute little paper umbrella. Jessie and James were off splashing aimlessly in the small waves that lapped the shore, so he was all alone. Until Meowsie came along, of course.

"Meow meow?" said Meowsie, slipping in beside him. (Translation: How are you, Meowth?)

"Whoa, Meowsie! What are you doing here?" said Meowth in his trademark voice that is very annoying for authors to write and even more annoying to read.

"Meeeowww," said Meowsie. (Looking for you, studly.)

"Well! Here, have some milk." Meowth poured Meowsie a glass from the gallon jug that he had resting in a bucket of ice.

"Meow!" said Meowsie, grinning. (Cheers!) Meowth gladly tapped glasses with her and settled back to enjoy the tropical sun beating down on him.

Something caught his eye. It was perhaps the best thing that he had ever seen, except for the recent arrival of Meowsie. The pokemon that Jessie and James were chasing down the beach right this moment was none other than that horrid Persian! Jessie was taking swings at it with both her mallet and her fan, getting painful-looking hits more often than not. James was chucking doughnuts at the stupid usurper. Meowth grinned and put his arm around Meowsie, and sat back to enjoy the rest of an absolutely perfect day.

* * *

Ash was quite possibly having the worst nightmare he had ever had. He was sitting in a cage made of chicken wire, and Team Rocket was standing outside, taunting him and poking him with sharp sticks.

"We've got your pikachu!" Jessie cried delightedly, taking an especially forceful prod at Ash. Pikachu sat happily on Jessie's shoulder, pouring out a stream of completely incomprehensible chatter. It was awful! Ash couldn't even understand his own pikachu anymore!

"That's right, Pikachu," said James. "Ash is a hopeless loser who didn't deserve a high class pokemon like you in the first place, and he won't ever become a pokemon master!"

"All his victories are from dumb luck, anyway!" said Jessie. Both members of Team Rocket (for that was still how he thought of them—they were wearing their uniforms in his dream) began laughing maniacally in their own particular ways. Jessie's was more of an "Ah hahahahaha!" and James sounded more like an "Eeeheeheeheee!" Both drove Ash absolutely crazy. He began bashing his head against the chicken wire wall.

"Now, now, mustn't damage your brain, now, Ash!" cooed Jessie in a sickeningly sweet tone.

"He hardly has a brain to damage in the first place!" James cried in glee.

"Ah hahahahaha!"

"Eeeheeheeheee!"

"Ooh, James, we have to do the motto!"

"Right you are, Jess!"

Ash covered his ears, shut his eyes tightly and began screaming as Team Rocket's boom box began playing their theme and Jessie and James struck a motto reciting pose. To Ash's utter horror, he could still see them through his eyelids and their voices reached his ears despite his screaming and protective hands.

"Prepare for trouble!" Ash couldn't stand the first line.

"Make it double!" The second was just as bad.

"To protect the world from devastation!" The volume of Ash's screaming rose a few decibels.

"To unite all peoples within our nation!" ‘Make it stop, oh make it stop!’ thought Ash.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!" By now, Ash was sobbing uncontrollably.

"To extend our reach to the stars above!" He had curled into fetal position, but the image of the posing Rockets would not go away.

"Jessie!" Ash was beating his fists against the wall.

"James!" He was running around in circles, on the brink of insanity.

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!" It was almost over. It was almost over.

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" Ash let out a sigh of relief and collapsed onto his back.

Meowth dropped down between Jessie and James from some unknown location far above. "Meeeowth that's right!" Ash screamed one last time, not expecting this last burst of motto-ness. He quivered on the floor, feeling very vulnerable and scared.

"You know I hate that motto…" he whimpered.

"Ah hahahahahaha!"

"Eeeheeheeheeheee!"

"Heh heh heh!"

Ash thought that this couldn't get any worse when Gary happened to show up, toting his cheerleaders after him.

"Well, Ash, guess what I just did?" Gary didn't wait for a reply. "I just won the Pokemon League! You suck so badly Ash, I could kick your sorry behind any day!"

"We're teaming up with Gary from now on!" said Brock and Misty, popping up beside Gary. "We hate you!"

As one, all present pulled down their lower eyelids at Ash and began repeating, "Nyah, nyah, nyah" over and over again. Ash was reduced to a sobbing heap of pathetic-ness, and remained so for the rest of the night.

* * *

James had finally fallen asleep, and lemonade was doing odd things to his dreams. He and Jessie were currently racing their unicycles on tightropes over large vats of chocolate toothpaste (in his dream).

"I won!" he cried in a heavy Canadian accent as he reached the end of his tightrope.

"You know what that means," said Jessie in a thick German accent. She got off of her unicycle and jumped from her tightrope to his, walking toward him.

"Yup!" came his gleeful reply.

"Time for lawn bowling!" they cried in unison, and suddenly they were playing croquet at James' parents' house.

"This isn't lawn bowling," commented Jessie.

"No, it's not," said James. "But it is woodchuck central!"

"Of course!" Jessie was looking at something behind James. "Speaking of psyducks…"

James turned to see what she was talking about. "Egad! It's the mailman!" he screeched, pointing to Jessibelle, who was striding purposefully toward them. He and Jessie instinctively fear-hugged, and fell through the lawn into a pile of doughnuts.

"Eek, James! Don't let the monsters paint my face!" Jessie wailed, clinging even more tightly to him.

"Don't worry, Jessie, we have light sabers!" And with that they both drew plastic forks that change color in milk, and posed.

"Light sabers," said Jessie.

"Kill monsters!" finished James. They both sat down and began eating large plates of scrambled eggs with their forks. "Mm, this is good spaghetti!"

"Then neither of us cooked it!" said Jessie. "We can only cook ramen and candles!"

James nodded in agreement. "I concur! It must have been the amphibian."

"Yes, the amphibian." Jessie threw her scrambled eggs with all her might. "I'm tired of lobster! Let's go watch Ice Age!"

"Okay!"

Jessie and James ran through the doughnuts, cackling insanely. They finally came to a ravine, and promptly fell down into it. Meowth hopped out of the bushes to their right and began doing a tap-dance.

"Hee hee, I like Manny! He's funny," giggled Jessie.

"Uh huh! Now let's go into the fire swamp!"

"But James! Aren't there R.O.U.S.'s in there?"

"What are those?" James turned to look at Jessie, totally bewildered.

"Rabbits On Uncouth Surfboards, of course!" said, Jessie, whacking him with her fan.

"Oh yeah! They are in there, huh? Well, we'd better not go into the fire swamp, then. Let's go into the jungle, instead!" suggested James.

"Okay!"

They ran off, leaving Meowth still tap-dancing. In no time, they were in the middle of the jungle. James thought he could faintly hear music playing.

"Come on, Jessie! Let's go find out where the boom box is!" he said, grabbing her by the wrist and leading her through the trees.

"Boom box?"

"Yeah! Don't you hear the music?" James said, annoyed.

"Oh, yeah! I can hear it now!" They both paused to hear it a little better, hoping that they could tell which direction it was coming from.

"Can you feel the love tonight/The peace the evening brings/The world for once in perfect harmony/With all its living things!"

"Over here!" said James, and they crashed through the bushes on their left to see two lions singing their heads off.

"James! What are those?" whispered Jessie, hiding behind him.

"Um…I think they're lions," he replied uncertainly.

"Oh. Okay, then." Jessie stepped out from behind him and pulled down her lower eyelid at the lions. "Hee hee! Stupid lions!"

"Will you go away?" said the male lion. "You're ruining our moment here."

"Yeah," agreed the female.

"Do lions even have moments?" wondered James. Both lions nodded vigorously and stared angrily at he and Jessie.

"Okay, okay, we're leaving." Jessie grabbed James' arm and let him straight down into a very deep pothole. "Oops!"

"Oh well! It doesn't matter! We can eat our way out!" said James reassuringly.

"All right! What will we eat?"

"Doughnuts, of course!" giggled James. He produced a huge box of doughnuts, and they both began eating them heartily. In no time, they were out of the pothole and wandering through Viridian Forest. James sat down in the middle of the path. "I'm tired."

"I'm not!" said Jessie. "Let's drink some lemonade!"

"No! Then I'll have to sell my belt," said James.

"Not your belt! It's such a gorgeous shade of Elvis!" Jessie gasped.

"I know!"

"Let's watch Pokemon instead!"

"Good idea!"

Jessie managed to produce a small TV set and they switched it to the channel that Pokemon was playing on. They both watched angrily as Ash the Twerp managed to beat Team Rocket once again, and switched off the TV set.

“Team Rocket is so cool!” squealed James.

“I know, but they can be really annoying!”

James laughed. “Are you talking about how it’s so obvious that they LIKE each other but they won’t do anything about it, and the writers won’t make it all obvious like they do between Ash and Misty?”

"Yep! Rrrgh, that Ash makes me so angry!" screamed Jessie.

"I know. He's like the most boring character on the show, too! Why do main characters always suck?"

"They don't always suck! Remember Captain Ahab?"

"Oh yeah! That little vaporeon that crashed his airplane?"

Jessie nodded. "That's the one!" She then broke into a fit of helpless giggles, and James couldn't help but join in with her. Unfortunately, James was forced to cut his giggle-fest short, as he had to go to the bathroom, and badly.

* * *

Pikachu was surfing. That's all his dream consisted of. Surfing.

* * *

Misty was lying on a lawn chair by the side of a pool at an extremely ritzy hotel. It may even have been the Ritz, which would explain its ritziness. She turned to the man lying in the lawn chair next to her. "Hey, sexy. Want some lemonade?"

James shifted uncomfortably. "No. Can I leave, now?"

Misty sighed dramatically, placing a hand on her forehead. "Oh, I suppose so. I cannot keep you from your true love and still call myself human! Go, James. Cause me no more pain. Go be with your darling Jessie!"

"But we're not—"

"Oh, sure. You pretend that there's nothing between you two, but we can all see through that! Just go, James! Your forbidden presence is painful for me! I always thought you were totally hot, and I always will, but I cannot pine after you any longer! Go, now!"

"Um, okay. But, I must tell you," said James, getting up out of his lawn chair, "Jessie and I are not a couple! We're best friends and partners!"

"Get out of my sight!" screamed Misty, throwing a koosh ball at him. "And just go kiss her, already! You're driving us all crazy!"

"We're not—"

"GO AWAY!"

James showed that he had some intelligence after all, and bolted. Misty sighed and fell heavily back into her lounging position. Jessie and James drove her crazy! How much sexual tension could two people stand? If this had been a movie (other than the X-Files movie, of course), they would have gotten past the spasmodic and spontaneous kiss a long time ago, and already be married with three kids! But then, this wasn't the movies, so Misty supposed that she would have to put up with Jessie and James' total lack of comprehension, or intelligence, or common decency to poor little red-headed girls, or whatever was wrong with them, for a very long time to come. Misty folded her arms huffily, but was broken out of her moment of simmering anger when a totally hot guy decided to sit in the chair that James had just vacated not too much earlier.

Misty turned to face Brock, and lowered her sunglasses to get a better look at him. "Hey, sexy…"

* * *

Once she had calmed down and was no longer collapsing into fits of sugar-induced giggles every five seconds, Jessie slept peacefully through the night. Her slumber was uninterrupted by any dreams—quite unlike the others sharing her campsite!