Misty’s Ulterior Motives

It was 5:30 when Misty got her chance to strike. All three companions—two of which were Misty’s prey—had been sitting around the fire on their sleeping bags, yammering aimlessly about nothing in particular. Jessie had been painting her toenails a bright red that matched her sleeping bag perfectly. She had just announced to the world that her toes were dry, when James said the two magic words that ultimately made Misty free to work.

“I’m hungry,” he said.

“Of course you are,” replied Jessie. “Come to think of it, I am too!”

“Pika pika pikachu pika!” said Pikachu.

“He says that he’s hungry too and they don’t have any food left from last night,” whispered Meowth.

“Well then, let’s find the nearest town and buy some!” James cried, and he and Jessie leapt up from where they sat in one synchronized motion.

“But do we have any money?” wondered Jessie.

“Of course we do! We took Ash’s wallet before we left, remember?”

“Oh, of course! Silly me.”

“Pika piKA!”

“He said, ‘Let’s go’,” translated Meowth.

With those words from Pikachu, the three doused the campfire (safety first) and shot off in a random direction to find something to eat.

Misty waited for a few minutes to make sure that they were gone for sure, and then she pranced out into the clearing that the three sleeping bags were set up in, giggling like crazy.

“What are you going to do, Misty?” wondered Brock.

Misty turned to face him, eyes glinting wildly. “I’m sure you’ll agree with me on this, Brock. Meowth too. We all know that Jessie and James are in love, or something, and they just won’t admit it to each other, or maybe even to themselves, right?”

“Right…” said Brock.

“Duh,” Meowth put in.

“Right. So, I figure that they just need a little help. Sort of a…nudge in the right direction. That’s where I come in.”

“So you’re saying,” said Meowth, “that the only reason you wanted to locate Jessie and James in the first place was so that you could play matchmaker?”

Misty nodded enthusiastically.

“I like it!” exclaimed Brock. Meowth’s wide grin was enough to say that he felt the same way. “So, what’s the plan?” asked Brock.

“Okay. The nearest town is about an hour away, if you know where it is. Jessie, James, and Pikachu don’t, so they will probably wander around for a while trying to find it, take the time to eat, and then wander back. It will be hours before they return. By the time they’re back, they’re going to want to go right to bed. So, if Jessie’s sleeping bag just happens to…catch on fire, for instance…she’s going to be forced to share a sleeping bag with James!”

“That’s genius, Misty!” cried Brock.

“This oughtta be good!” Meowth laughed.

“And don’t worry,” said Misty with a wink. “I checked to make sure that her sleeping bag is made of organic cloth, so burning it won’t release any toxic fumes that kill birds.” With that last statement, Misty set to work soaking the sleeping bag in question with kerosene, and, with the toss of a match, turned it into a flaming inferno.

* * *

All Jessie wanted to do when she returned to camp was sleep. They had spent hours wandering around, trying to find a town, and more hours trying to locate their campsite on the way back. It was very late, and Jessie had gotten almost no sleep the night before, what with her excessive sugar high. Bed sounded very good to her at the moment. When she discovered that her sleeping bag was nothing but a smoldering pile of ashes, she was ready to burst into tears.

“What am I going to do!?” she wailed hysterically, sadly letting the fine ashes of her beloved sleeping bag sift down through her fingers.

“Pika pi,” said Pikachu, leaping into his sleeping bag and falling asleep upon impact. (Don’t look at me!)

“Thanks a lot, you little rat,” Jessie growled through clenched teeth.

“You…you can share with me, if you want,” said James, blushing just the slightest bit. He was already dressed in his pajamas, and sitting up in his sleeping bag.

Jessie looked at him critically for a moment. Now why did that suggestion sound so marvelous to her? Well, it didn’t matter. She couldn’t share a sleeping bag with James! Pikachu would never let them hear the end of it, for one thing…

“Or you can sleep on the ground, James,” she said finally, feeling ever-so-slightly guilty. But only slightly.

“But…but Jessie! That’s no fair!”

Jessie hefted her mallet threateningly. James paled and quickly slid out of his sleeping bag. Jessie nodded approvingly, and swiftly changed into her nightgown. She slid into James’ sleeping bag, which really smelled quite nice, and shut her eyes to go to sleep. She didn’t even bother with seeing where James had bedded down for the night. She knew it would make her feel guilty.

* * *

Misty had watched the whole thing through her ***Super-Spiffy Team Rocket Electric Binoculars***, and was quite nearly in a fit of blinding rage. Her plan hadn’t worked! It was awful! As a matchmaker, she was a complete failure! It was all she could do not to pull out all her hair in a frenzy or burst into tears.

“Misty?” said Brock. “We really should be setting up camp. It’s getting late.”

“I know,” muttered Misty.

“We found a little clearing in the rose bushes where they won’t find us if they wake up before we do,” said Brock.

Misty nodded glumly and allowed him to lead her off to the campsite.

* * *

Despite the fact that Jessie was perhaps more tired than she had ever been in her entire life, she simply could not get to sleep. She tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, but failed every time. She knew that it was guilt that was keeping her awake. It was a situation that she had never been in before. She shut her eyes tightly and buried her face in her pillow. James’ pillow, to be more exact. She would not look in James’ direction. She would not. Never. No way. She knew she would snap.

She looked. She snapped.

“James!” Jessie hissed, unable to live with herself any longer. She sat up and looked around, and found that his head was in perfect range for a kick from her feet. He was shivering. Jessie felt another wave of guilt, and before it could get too great, she kicked James’ head. Hard.

“Nwhuh?”

“You’re shivering.”

“Mm.”

“Come here.”

“No, don’ hit me.”

“I won’t! Just come here.”

“Why?”

“Don’t be stupid, James! You can come share this sleeping bag!”

“Huh?”

“James!”

“Hmm, coming.” She could here him crawling over, and finally felt him sliding into the sleeping bag. It was a tight fit, and his being right there sent a chill down her spine. Lately, everything had been sending chills down her spine. Fear hugs, happy hugs, motto poses, everything. It didn’t make any sense to her. It made no sense at all! Why on earth should James send chills down her spine? It wasn’t as if she liked him or anything. Not in that way.

“You smell good,” mumbled James groggily. With a jolt, Jessie realized that he had his arms around her. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. But she couldn’t send him out into the cold now. ‘He’s half asleep,’ she thought frantically. ‘He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Doesn’t he usually sleep with a teddy bear? Yes! That’s it! He does! Meowth fury swiped it several days ago and ruined it, but still. He’s half asleep and he thinks I’m a teddy bear. That has to be it. He’s telling Mr. Bobo that he smells good, not Jessie. Mr. Bobo smells good. That’s it. Jessie could feel herself drifting off to sleep, despite her immense state of panic. James was already asleep beside her. With one last spurt of evilish cunning, she positioned her elbow against James’ ribs just enough so that it wouldn’t wake him, but he would be very sore in the morning. That would teach him to think she was Mr. Bobo!

* * *

James awoke to find himself in his own sleeping bag, with Jessie in his arms. Now how had that happened? Granted, it was nice, but he knew that if Jessie woke up to find herself in this position, she would whip out her mallet and wreak havoc on James’ head. It was hard for him to pry his arms away from her, as she smelled really good, but it became much easier once he realized that her elbow was jabbing painfully into his ribs. James shifted, trying to extricate himself from the sleeping bag without waking Jessie up. It didn’t work.

Jessie awoke with a cry and spun around to whack James in the face with her paper fan. Who would have known that paper could hurt so much?

“James! What are you doing in my sleeping bag! Why, I oughtta…oh. Sorry. I forgot.” Jessie looked sheepishly over at the pile of ashes that was her bedroll.

“Don’t worry about it,” James muttered, rubbing his cheek where she struck him. Was it just him, or did the spot where he had been hit smell…good?

“Well, we may as well continue…” began Jessie.

“…with our meaningless meandering,” finished James. As one, they sprang out of the sleeping bag, immediately dressed in their day clothes. Jessie kicked Pikachu to wake him up, Pikachu thundershocked every living thing within a twenty foot radius, and they were off to meander aimlessly through the forest once more. And Jessie smelled good.

* * *

There was no way that Misty was going to give up. She had been devastated when Jessie banished James from his sleeping bag. Her plan had been foolproof! How could such a thing have happened? But it had happened. There was nothing Misty could do about it now. However, she had a new, better plan. This one would be great!

She and her entourage had woken up to find that Jessie, James, and Pikachu were gone without a trace. Grumbling, they had turned to Meowth’s tracking device in order to locate their quarry. Luckily, they were only perhaps a mile away, and traveling at an extremely slow pace. The pace was so slow that Brock, Misty, and Meowth were free to follow at their leisure. It was during this time of catching-up that Misty formulated her next plan.

It was night. Somehow, Misty had procured eight magnets, and she was now kneeling in the bushes, cupping them in her hands and snickering insanely.

“Um…Misty? Are you all right?” asked Brock nervously.

“I think she’s gone off the deep end,” Meowth muttered.

“It’s a marvelous plan, I tell you! It will work this time! Muahahahaha!” Misty was feeling just a little high. It seemed that concocting devious plans did this to her. She liked it. “All we have to do now is wait for Jessie and James to fall asleep!” she said, peering between the branches of the large bush she was sitting in at her unknowing prey. Somehow, Jessie had managed to recover her sleeping bag. Actually, she had probably gotten a new one, as her old sleeping bag was a pile of useless dust by now, but the result was still the same. It didn’t matter how many sleeping bags they had, though. Jessie would still insist on having one all to herself. That didn’t bother Misty anymore, however. She had gotten over it. Her new plan was bigger, better, and more devious than the last, and there was no possible way that it couldn’t work! She was annoyed at the moment, though. Jessie, James, and Pikachu would just not go to sleep! It was 10:00 already, and even though that’s not really all that late, Misty wanted them to be snoozing! If only she was a drowzee, then she could bend people to her will. Misty let out a heavy sigh and resigned herself to watching the scene before her.

“Pika!” said Pikachu, wielding his pillow menacingly.

“A pillow fight, eh?” said James, picking up his own pillow.

“KACHU!!!” Pikachu screamed with glee. With a mighty grunt, he launched his pillow at the back of Jessie’s head, catching her completely unaware.

“Eek! James, why did you just throw your pillow at me?” she growled.

“I didn’t! Why are you always blaming me for these things? It’s always a pokemon that does it, but you always blame it on me!”

“Well, you’re just a shady character, that’s all.”

“Am not!” With that, James swung his pillow hard and hit her in the face.

“Now, that was you!” Jessie yelled. She began attempting to beat James senseless with her own pillow. James retaliated, and soon Pikachu was completely left out of the pillow fight. Misty bit back a snicker. Didn’t they know that they were flirting more shamelessly than anyone had ever flirted before? Obviously, they didn’t.

Misty waited for hours before Jessie and James finally calmed down. Pikachu had long since gone to sleep. Luckily for Misty, Jessie and James fell deeply asleep immediately upon ending the pillow fight and climbing into their sleeping bags.

Misty gave a sinister chuckle and crept forward to begin her work. She separated the magnets of opposite polarity (not yet magnetized), and arranged them carefully on her hapless victims. The magnets were strong, but Misty had had the foresight to order the latest magnet model off of the Internet, a type of magnet that only became magnetized when a button was pushed on the remote control that came with them. Misty had no idea how they worked, or why anyone would make such a thing, but she knew that she was lucky that they existed!

“What did you do?” muttered Meowth.

“You’ll see,” said Misty. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to start drinking the 17 gallons of coffee I brought along with me, so I can be nice and alert when Jessie and James wake up! I have to be sure to push the button on my remote control here exactly when they wake up!”

“What if they don’t wake up at the same time?” asked Brock.

Misty gave him a look. “Don’t be a dunce, Brock, Jessie and James always do everything exactly at the same time. Now, you two go to sleep. I don’t need any distractions!” With that, Misty sat down with a cup of coffee to cackle menacingly and watch the ex-Rockets avidly.

* * *

James sat up in his sleeping bag and stretched sleepily, vaguely aware that Jessie was doing the exact same thing in the sleeping bag next to his. My, but she was smelling good this morning! He stopped mid-yawn as he realized that there seemed to be something unusual tucked behind both of his lips—and the next thing he knew, he was staring Jessie in the eyes, his face pressed up against hers. It would have been pleasant…if it weren’t for the fact that he was absolutely scared to death and his lips were pinched rather painfully. However, Jessie’s scent was quite strong at this close of quarters, and that was good!

“Hmmhmm! Hmmm’m hmmhmmhmm?” he said. (Jessie! What’s happening?)

Jessie understood him perfectly. “M hmm’m hmmm, Hmmmm!” (I don’t know, James!) She planted her hands against his chest and began frantically trying to push him away. This only made matters worse. James squealed with pain as his lips began stretching out. He heard Jessie screech as well, and she immediately stopped pushing against him. As if they were held together by bungee cords, this action caused them to slam back into each other, causing more pain. Tears came to James’ eyes, and he tried to reach a hand up to examine his nose, but there was no room between their faces in which to stick a hand.

“Hmmmm?” said Jessie. “M hmmmm hmmm’mm hmmhmmm!” (James? I think they’re magnets!)

“Hmmhmmm!?” (Magnets!?)

“Mmmhmm!”

“Hmmm hmmm hm hmmhm hmmhmmm hmm hmmmm!? Hm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm!!!” (What kind of crazy magnets are these!? My lips hurt like !!!)

“M hmmmm m hmhmmhm! Hmm Hmmmm, hmm’mm hmm hmmhmmmm hm hmm hmmmm hmmm hmmm hm m hmmhmmm hmmm!” exclaimed Jessie. (I smell a ratatta! And James, you’re not allowed to say words like that on a cartoon show!)

“@!#$&%*&^%#@!!!!!!” screamed James. ( )

“Hmmmm! Hmm hmmm m hmmhm hmmmm! M hmmmm m hmmm hm, hmmhm hmm!!!” (James! You have a dirty mouth! I think I like it, rebel boy!)

“HMMM!?” asked James. (WHAT!?) If he had interpreted those last few “hmms” right, he had just cause to celebrate like crazy! Jessie liked him! Yippee!

Before James could get too carried away with his thoughts of elation, Jessie began to “speak” again. “Hm, hmmm hm hm hmm…hm…” With that, she slapped him. (Uh, that is to say…um…) James felt like moping a little and tossing a few more expletives out into the open (only Jessie could understand him, anyway), when he realized that the slap had been so forceful that it had actually jarred him free for a moment. Just for a moment, but it was enough for the magnets that had been so cruelly placed inside his lips to slide free, and for those in Jessie’s mouth to do the same.

“Yeesh,” gasped James. He rubbed his sore cheek and mouth and stared down at the little clump of magnets that had fallen to the ground.

“James!” said Jessie, who was also massaging her lips. “I’ve never heard you swear like that! I don’t even know some of those words!”

“I bet you find it sexy, don’t you?”

“What did you say? I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Um…I said…me neither!!!”

Jessie smelled good, and looked as if she was about to say something more, when she was interrupted by some distinctly rodent-like laughter. James turned to see Pikachu rolling around on the ground, absolutely howling with mirth. He had almost forgotten about the little rat.

“What’s so funny!?” demanded Jessie, turning angrily to Pikachu.

Pikachu’s only response was to laugh harder.

James could see that Jessie was about to murder the pokemon, so he decided to intervene. “Um, Jess?”

“What!?” she roared.

James let out a little squeak of fear, but continued on. “Who do you think did this?”

Jessie paused mid whipping-out-of-mallet-in-order-to-pulverize-someone, and looked thoughtful. “Hmm, I don’t know, James. Got any ideas?”

“Butch and Cassidy?”

“No…this trick was a little too juvenile.”

“Twerps?”

Jessie barked a laugh. “Them!?”

“You’re right. Um…Nurse Joy?”

“James.”

“Sorry! How about Pikachu?”

Jessie glared over at Pikachu evilly. “Yes…he did think it was pretty funny, didn’t he?”

James grinned widely and let out a giggle. “Time for a makeover, Jess..?”

“Excellent idea, James. Prepare for trouble, Pikachu…” They began advancing on their little companion, creeping forward ominously in complete synchronization.

“Eeehee! Make it double, we’ll get you!” With that, they pounced. James almost felt sorry for Pikachu…he never even had a chance.