The Dark Days of ‘Ladriel

Story #4

The Not-So-Near Future

Rating: I’m gonna stop doing ratings pretty soon. I suck at rating my own work, or anyone else’s for that matter.

Disclaimer: *tape recording of my voice plays* I do not own Pokemon. I do not own anything in this world that is copyrighted, but one day I will own you all. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Author’s Note: I’ve never written a fanfic like this before, but I enjoy reading them, so I’ll give it a shot. Just what is a "fanfic like this", you ask? Well, I don’t really know either, I might have just made it up, so bog!

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These are my predictions:

If cartoon-land is anything at all like real-world-land, then in the future Brock will be a crotchety old man in his mid-thirties. He will sit on his front porch in a rocking chair, cradling his shotgun with one arm, his beer-belly with the other, and yell at those darn kids that just won’t get off his lawn! He will be alone forever, but on the bright side, he will have eyes now, because he will have found out that what he really needed all along was some coke-bottle glasses!

Ash and Misty will have gotten married, but as Ash will never be mature enough to handle the concept of sex, they’ll never have kids! Misty will toy with the idea of having an affair with Gary, but she’ll decide that, though she may be just a little horny, affairs are bad and she loves Ash just too much to do something like that! (Aw…aren’t twerps so *sweet*?) Ash will never be a pokemon master, he’ll be a consultant instead, but won’t make much money because he’s just too stupid to consult anyone. Misty will keep food on the table by working 9 to 5 in an office under an impossible to deal with boss. Her sisters will all be successful movie stars and she’ll watch all their movie premieres bitterly until she snaps and throws popcorn at the screen and Ash has to drag her out of the theater so Cameron Diaz won’t think poorly of them! Oh, the pains of being related to movie stars…

Giovanni will cause Team Rocket to disband when he goes senile in his old age and becomes a hippie. Then he’ll die of a pot overdose, but that’s okay, because he will have single-handedly managed to convince all ex-Rocketeers (and a large amount of the rest of the population) that the "V for Victory" sign actually meant "Peace"!

Jessie and James will become richer than James was to begin with because they finally started that fast food chain of theirs! It becomes a major rival of McDonalds only it’s better because it serves doughnuts as well as burgers! Meowth will be their official spokescat and be in all the commercials. Then he’ll get fat off of doughnuts, and James will force him to go on the Jenny Craig thingy. Jessie and James will get married, of course, but their relationship will be absolutely no different than it was before except that they’ll kiss at random moments and have sex a lot. They’ll be devout Roman Catholics (yes, I *know it’s a recurring theme for me, but I just like my mental picture of them talking about the Pope a lot, okay?), and Jessie will swat Meowth with her paper fan whenever he refuses to go to church with them. They’ll run into the twerps all the time, randomly, as there’s some sort of weird magnetism between them and the twerps, so they’ll have to deal with Ash’s cluelessness, Misty’s nagging and irritability (only Jessie’s allowed to be like that!), Brock’s leering, and Tracey’s sketching for the rest of their lives. They’ll take trips to see James’ parents all the time just to thumb their noses at them! They’ll have two kids, one of which whines and has an incurable addiction to doughnuts, and another that screams and hits her brother with mallets, fans, frying pans, fists, and anything that comes to hand. Jessie and James will get tired of their kids and send them off to boarding school. They’ll stay beautiful forever, because that’s just the way they are! During a dream, Meowth will evolve into a Persian and suffer a mental breakdown as soon as he wakes up. He’ll try to commit suicide, but Jessie and James will prevent him from doing so and send him to counseling. Eventually, he will recover.

Professor Oak will be dead.

Mrs. Ketchum will find her true calling as a Vegas showgirl. She’ll undergo numerous cosmetic operations in order to stay young and beautiful (J & J don’t *need* plastic surgery). After Brock tries to put the moves on her, she’ll be scarred for life and become a librarian.

Tracey will get in a fatal car crash with an old lady that he flipped off in a fit of road rage. The old lady will walk away without a scratch.

Butch and Cassidy will date and break up, date and break up, date and break up, over and over and over again for the rest of their lives. Butch will get a throat operation and sound normal. After Giovanni the Hippie gets rid of Team Rocket, they will move to the mountains and become hermits. When they’re dating, they’ll be reclusive roommates in the same cabin. When they’re not, Cassidy will banish Butch to a little drafty shack on the other side of the mountain.

Florinda will become a magnificent mime, and marry that gardener guy.

Duplica will realize that Team Rocket uniforms are very fashionable, and she will join the day before it disbands. Then she and her ditto will join the circus.

Pikachu will ditch Ash and take Togepi with him to start a musical group. They will be very famous.

Todd and Ritchie will become Ash’s devoted followers and start an Ash-cult. They will be the only people who will accept Ash’s consulting services.

Blaine will become a stand-up comedian, and a horrible one at that. Nobody likes riddles.

I will become a psychotic orthodontist who rambles to her patients about quantum physics. They will be confused. I will be a famous author with a neat-o pseudonym, and my fanfics will be completely forgotten, except by the ever-faithful Pokemon fans. These fanfics of mine will be classics, to them. Anyone who happens to have my fanfics posted on their site will have one of the most popular sites on the Internet, because Pokemon will never die! It’s like Looney Tunes! Bwahaha!

But, as cartoon-land is nothing at all like real-world-land, years from now Brock will be fifteen or so and hang out with Ash and Misty.

Ash and Misty will be preteens, one very stupid and egotistical in a very annoying way, not to mention extremely immature (Ash), and one unable to hide the fact that she’s madly in love with an idiotic twerp that she will NEVER get a new bike from (Misty). Misty’s sisters will be scary valley girls with thick eyebrows forever.

Giovanni will be a scary middle aged man with no eyebrows forever. He will run an evil organization that steals Pokemon from twerps of all shapes and sizes.

Jessie and James will be young adults that positively suck at their job and really aren’t cut out to be criminals at all. There will be a certain amount of sexual tension between the two, but everything will be hints and such with no real admissions. Meowth will keep them from getting sidetracked on fun, non-evil things, and will have an annoying Jersey accent and an incurable grudge against Persians.

Professor Oak will be a scary old guy who likes tea.

Mrs. Ketchum will be kinda ditzy and her personal hero will be her ten-year-old twerp of a son. Her hidden relationship with Professor Oak will be so obvious it’s not even funny.

Tracey will wear an annoying red headband and sketch too much. He will have no point whatsoever, and many will hate him with a passion.

Butch and Cassidy will actually be evil (and good at it), but still be unable to beat a ten-year-old freak of a child, because he’s the main character. Butch will sound like a frog, and Cassidy will have scary earrings.

Florinda will have no confidence whatsoever in herself or her darling Gloom, and will describe people by their hair using her arms and hands.

Duplica will suck as a trainer, and need our darling antagonists to get her out of training-ruts.

Pikachu will follow Ash around like a total idiot, and Togepi will be forced to accompany Misty everywhere because she has a death-grip on it.

I must admit, that was *lots* of fun to write…and now, the Dark Days of ‘Ladriel are over! Yes! Happy! *squeals* This is my e-mail address: hawkley_iv_prez@yahoo.com