Screw Team Twerp!

When Jessie awakened the next morning, Misty and Brock were gone.

"James!" she hissed, punching the sleeping bag next to her.

"Nwhuh?"

"The two tolerable twerps are gone! Vanished!"

"Gone? What do you mean?" James moaned sleepily.

"Just that! They're gone! There's no trace of them! It's as if they never existed! Sit up and take a look for yourself, James," said Jessie.

James sat up and looked around the camp blearily. Suddenly his eyes widened with comprehension and he clung to Jessie in fear. "Oh no! We're alone with the twerpiest twerp of all, and no lesser twerps to dilute his twerpiness!"

Jessie clung back, just as scared. "I know! What will we do, James? We can't stay with Team Twerp with only him here!"

"Pikachu!" said Pikachu, joining their huddle of fright. (Translation: Screw Team Twerp!)

Jessie and James looked at Pikachu excitedly and hugged him tightly. "That's right, Pikachu!" said James.

"Screw Team Twerp!" finished Jessie. She, James, and Pikachu got up and did a little jig, all instantaneously dressed in their day clothes. Well, except for Pikachu, that is. He didn't have any day clothes. Jessie made a mental note to find some sort of an adorable little outfit to dress Pikachu in, as soon as they found a store that would carry such things. A little sailor's outfit would be just perfect, and cute as can be…

"Jessie!" James poked her in the arm.

"What is it, James?" Jessie asked, annoyed. "Don't poke me!"

"Sorry…but shouldn't we get going, and leave this twerp all alone, friendless, Pikachuless, everythingless?"

"Of course. Silly me! I was just thinking how adorable Pikachu would look in a sailor outfit, and kind of forgot about our current resolution to screw Team Twerp…"

"Pikapikaaaaa!" Pikachu said impatiently. (Let's go!)

"Right!" Jessie and James said in unison, and they instantaneously rolled up and stowed away their sleeping bags. The three walked off into the woods, not bothering to check a map for clues as to which direction they should be going in. They didn't even know where they were going. Jessie knew that they would probably get hopelessly lost, but she also knew that that was part of the fun of wandering around in the woods all the time.

* * *

Misty stood next to Brock in the middle of the road, wearing her newly acquired Team Rocket uniform. It was exactly like the uniform Jessie had worn, and Brock's matched James'. Misty knew that it was the uniform of someone who had been promoted at least once…she really didn't know how she knew, it just seemed intuitive. She had tried to point the fact out to the Boss that they had just joined and should probably be wearing the uniform of some highly subservient minion-type Rocket, but he had just waved her and Brock away dismissively. It seemed that he was watching Match Game, or something, and didn't want to be bothered about such petty things as uniforms and ranks while he was watching it. Misty giggled to herself. She had to figure out what all the Boss' shows were, and when they were on, so she could be sure to ask for favors when he was watching them!

The decision to join Team Rocket had been made by Misty a long time ago. It was the first day that she laid eyes on Jessie and James, in fact, just shortly after she had met Ash. She had had a major crush on the twerp for a couple of hours, when this major dreamboat appeared as if out of nowhere! That dreamboat happened to be James. Misty remembered thinking that if Team Rocket had such hot guys in it, she just had to join it someday! She had always liked guys with those kinda evil looking eyes anyway…like that Whatchamacallit Cappuccino guy… After seeing James for the first time, Misty's crush on Ash completely melted and she only hung around with him because he must have had some evil psychic hold on her mind or something. But she had finally broken free! She had achieved her dream of joining Team Rocket! And so far, the only Rocket guys she had met were…Giovanni and Brock.

Misty sighed and turned to Brock. "So. Is your Rocket Sense tingling?"

"Uh…yeah! I think there's a beautiful girl just over this hill!"

"That's not what I meant—" Misty was cut short as Brock grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her up to the top of a fairly steep hill. Panting, Misty collapsed onto the ground…and got sight of the beautiful girl Brock had sensed. Actually, it was a meowth. Standing upright. And saying something to the blushing Brock, who was crouched over so that he could stare at the pokemon. Clearly, this was the meowth from the former Team Rocket.

"Meowth? What…what a b-beautiful n-name m-m-m-miss," murmured Brock dreamily.

"Do you hear a word I'm saying! I'm a meowth! You know me as Meowth! You know me, you stupid human!"

"Allow me," Misty said, hitting Brock over the head with a ***Super-Standard Female Team Rocket Member Mallet***.

"Thanks, Misty…" Brock wheezed as he fell over into a heap.

"Meowth, how did you get here? And why aren't you with Jessie and James?" asked Misty, turning around to scrutinize Meowth.

"Well, to make a long story short, I was thrown out a window, rescued by a scary lady, and then I escaped when her back was turned! I've been tracking Jessie and James with my ***Super-Sensitive Team Rocket Tracking Device***," said Meowth. He looked Misty and Brock up and down quizzically. "What happened to you two twerps? Have you been mocking us again?"

"No," said Misty with a snort. "We're tired of being twerps! We decided that we would join Team Rocket for sure the other night when we were 'gathering firewood'!"

"Are you sure making decisions was all you were doing?" said Meowth with a mischievous grin. Misty pounded him with her mallet.

"Jessie and James quit Team Rocket, by the way," added Brock.

Meowth turned to look at him with wide eyes. "Whaaaat? They can't have done that! Well, actually, I knew they'd turn goody-goody on me someday…" Meowth sat down in a huff. "Well, fine, if they want to be honest goody-goody twerpish people, let them! But I'm a Rocket Meowth through and through, and now I guess I'll hang out with you two!"

"Us?" cried Brock.

"You mean you're just going to give up on your friends?" screamed Misty.

"Well, for one thing, you don't seem to have an annoying little pokemon to hang around and make interjections now and then…did you eat Togepi, or something? And for another thing, the way this world of ours works, you'll probably be following Jessie and James around anyway, trying to steal one of their pokemon! So if I feel all sentimental and stuff, I can just go and gush all over them when you're in the middle of a plan. Like I'd do that…"

"I stuffed Togepi in a pokeball because he was getting annoying," said Misty.

"We are trying to steal Pikachu, aren't we Misty? Wow, this world is weird!" said Brock.

"So…about that Rocket Sense…" said Misty. "Do you think Pikachu is anywhere nearby?"

"Hmm, he's with Jessie, James, and Ash, isn't he? I could probably use my Testosterone Sense to find Jessie…I don't think I have a Rocket Sense…but I think that being around Jessie all the time has kind of turned off the Sense concerning her. I mean, I never knew when Team Rocket was sneaking up on us…"

"How can we ever find Pikachu?" wailed Misty.

Meowth cleared his throat.

Brock and Misty turned to stare blankly at Meowth. "What's the matter, Meowth? Got a hairball?" asked Brock. "I have some special hairball control Meowth food that I made myself, if you want some!"

"No, you moron! The answer to your Pikachu-finding problem is right under your noses!"

Brock and Misty stared open mouthed at Meowth. Meowth folded his arms and stared right back. There was silence for at least thirty seconds. Suddenly Brock leapt up and began dancing around wildly.

"Yes! My Testosterone Sense isn't on the fritz anymore! I think I can sense Jessie right over here…" Misty and Meowth sighed as one as Brock nanced off to the side of the road. That boy was such a hopeless flirt! Brock pounced into the bushes, and out scampered a raticate. Brock looked at the raticate with a puzzled expression on his face, and scratched his head. “Well…how much do you want to bet that it’s a female raticate?”

“Rrrgh,” growled Misty. “We have no time for this, Brock, we have to find Jessie and James!”

“And Ash and Pikachu,” Brock added.

“Oh, them too.”

Meowth cleared his throat loudly.

“Seriously, Meowth, if you want some of that hairball control meowth food…” Brock began.

“No, I do not have a hairball! I’m just trying to tell you two that I have the answer to your problems right here in my paw. Honestly, you’re more hopeless than Jessie and James…”

“What is it, Meowth? What’s the answer to our problem?” Misty asked a tad impatiently.

“My ***Super-Sensitive Team Rocket Tracking Device***! It tells me that, right at the moment, Jessie and James are several miles due east of us!” Meowth exclaimed.

“All right then, let’s go!” Misty cried with her uncanny good-guy enthusiasm. Only, now it seemed that it was uncanny bad-guy enthusiasm. With those words, all three Team Rocket members plunged into the woods to their right, eager to catch up with Jessie and James. And Ash and Pikachu, of course.

* * *

Ash woke up at around noon to find himself completely and utterly alone. He had a feeling that the others had been gone for hours, though he couldn’t understand how they could have gotten up so early. He was sure that Jessie and James had been playing meaningless sugary games all night. He let out a huge sigh. How could Pikachu have left him? Pikachu was his best friend. Then he remembered. Pikachu had never liked him in the first place. He had been pretending all along.

“Well, I’d better let the pokemon I still have out of their pokeballs to keep me company,” said Ash, digging through his pockets. The only thing was, he couldn’t find his pokeballs anywhere! Team Rocket must have stolen them. Only, Team Rocket didn’t steal things anymore, did they? They were actually good guys now. ‘Oh well,’ thought Ash. ‘I don’t care if they’re not evil anymore. They’re always to blame for everything, so they must have taken my pokeballs!’

Ash sighed and began rolling up his sleeping bag. There was nothing for him to do now but go back to Pallet Town. He knew he would be wanted there! The only problem was…he had no idea which direction his home was from here!

* * *

Ash really wasn’t too far from the truth. Team Rocket had stolen his pokeballs. Only, it wasn’t the Team Rocket that he was used to. Brock, Misty, and Meowth had come upon the sleeping twerp as they rushed to catch up with Jessie and James. Brock had been just a little surprised to find him all alone, but Misty hadn’t seemed to care. She just seemed to be interested in finding Jessie and James. Brock had to keep reminding her that they were supposed to be capturing Pikachu for the boss.

Meowth let out a surprised yell. “They’ve stopped moving! They can’t be more than half a mile south of where we stand.”

“They can’t be setting up camp already!” exclaimed Misty, yanking the ***Super-Sensitive Team Rocket Tracking Device*** from Meowth’s paws. “It’s only three in the afternoon!”

“I don’t know, Misty,” said Brock. “You know Team Rocket…I mean Jessie and James. I wouldn’t put it past them to set up camp this early. Remember how early they stopped us yesterday? Plus, they can’t have gotten more than five hours of sleep last night. They’re probably really tired already.”

“Hmm. I guess you’re right. I’d better hurry, then!”

“What?”

“Oh, never mind, Brock. You’ll see!”

Brock shook his head. Sometimes Misty could be very difficult to understand.

“Well, don’t just stand there!” exclaimed Meowth. Let’s get a move on, we’ve almost got them!”

It took longer than it probably should have to find the campsite of Jessie, James, and Pikachu. Then again, there was a huge thicket of thorns—rose bushes to be exact, which was no real surprise--between the two groups of people, and there was no way that Brock, Misty, and Meowth would go around the thicket. Brock had suggested just that course of action, but Misty had immediately shot it down. She had said that it would take much longer to go around than it would to go through. Meowth had used his claws much as one would use a machete, but that was of little help. Where was a scyther when you needed one?

And so, two hours after they had begun their trek through the bushes, Brock found himself spying on their quarry, Misty and Meowth on either side of him.

“So, Misty, what’s the plan? How are we going to steal Pikachu?” Brock whispered to his friend.

“Actually, I’m the plan maker around here, and I say—“ began Meowth.

Misty cut him off. “We’re not going to steal Pikachu.”

“What!?” Brock and Meowth cried.

“Shhhh! Not so loud!” Misty hissed. “Why should we even bother with catching Pikachu, huh? Tell me that. We already stole all of Ash’s pokemon, the boss will be pleased with us. But, think about it. All we really are is replacements for Jessie and James, and they sure never caught Pikachu, so why should we? Why can’t we just have fun, wear cool uniforms, and play with nifty gadgets and pretend that we’re trying to catch Pikachu?”

“Good point,” said Meowth.

“Well, that’s great,” said Brock, “but why did we go to all the trouble of tracking down Jessie and James if we’re not even going to try to catch Pikachu?”

“You’ll see,” Misty chuckled, patting a large can of kerosene that Brock hadn’t noticed before. “You’ll see.”