Star trek belongs to Paramount, but this is MY OWN story! So if you belong to Paramount, GET OUT!

The story started about 6 years ago. We were at home for four years then. I was married with two children.

I felt pain. My soul was in pain. I should have left them the previous evening. They shouted at me. Because of Janeway. My „best friend”. Who wanted to help me to deal with the family life. Who was allways there. She was allways better than me. I was their mother, but she was aunt Kate. Who never punish them. Who allways loved them. And who was allways loved by my husband. She retired the next day. Pardon, that day. When I decided to stay. But I didn’t.

I unpacked my suitcases on that morning but I had no idea what to do. Again. Chakotay was in his office, the children were at the school. Neither of them intended to arrive home early in the evening. I had a full day for thinking. It was allways my poor side. Emotions and logic. I couldn’t harmonize them. Maybe Vulcans had more success, but I simply couldn’t.

The part of me wanted to stay. The another wanted to run away. Which would be better? Nice trap.

I wanted to stay there. I wanted to stay for the children and Chakotay. They were my family. The fourth one. I didn’t want to lose my family again. I didn’t want to let HER to rive them from me, as she already did twice. The Borg and the Kids. Unimatrix Zero and Mezoti, Icheb and the twins. I missed them so much. She thought, I was unable to understand the pain of their absence, but she was wrong. It was only she, who couldn’t see my pain. Even the Doctor could notice! The Doctor wished then, that Kes would had been there. The Ocampan woman could had understood me fully. Like no one could on the board of Voyager. And no one could help me.

Never.

Otherwise, she would not rive Chakotay and our adopted children from me. She already did. She stole them years ago and I let her to do. I let my fourth family go away. I loved them, and they wanted more from me. But what? They didn’t want me to be accurate. They wanted the brave, famous, beloved Kathryn Janeway instead of me.

I would go away. I had to. There was no meaning to stay.

They were my family. My fourth family. Past tense. I didn’t want them to be the part of my life anymore. At least I’d tried. But failed. Mezoti was not my daughter, but she made my portrait from clay. Against the instructions. Despite of my probable anger. My adopted daughter was unable to hang a single photo of me in her room. Mezoti had to live with her people and I had to let her leave. But I didn’t want to. I almost run back to that planet where I left her to brought her back to Voyager. But I didn’t. Logic won over emotions. She brought that statue with her, when she left. I didn’t even make a photo about them.

I allways compared my children to them in secret. And not my children were the winners. It was my fault. My biggest mistake. I didn’t love them like they wanted. I wanted to copy those kids . But my children were not even similar to them. Despite my tries. Because of Chakotay. He never wanted them to be anything else than they were.

I tried to accept them. They tried to accept me. And we failed every time. Our puzzle pieces didn’t match.

But I had to try again. Because I promised. Poor me, poor Chakotay and poor kids. We deserved better.

I couldn’t fell pity for myself so long. The doorbell was ringing. I peeped through the window, because I was afraid of Kathryn Janeway’s visit. It wasn’t she, two strangers stood at the door. A young man and a beautiful woman.The man wore Starfleet uniform. They both smiled on me, when I opened the door.

“Good mo….” I started, but stopped, when the man suddenly hugged me tightly.

“Hey Seven! It is nice to meet you! This hug is from the Voyager’s EMH. He ordered me to give it to you! He told us a lot about you. I am so glad that we’ve finally met! May we come in?” I stood there like a fool staring at them. He was so loud and gleeful. I didn’t like him at that moment. He seemed so straggling and straight. I didn’t like this mixture in humans. Mezoti and the Doctor were just like him, but I allways felt something dangerous in this behavior. These features make humans incalculable. In this case logic couldn’t win over emotions. The woman coughed and patted the man’s shoulder.

“Reg, slow down! I’m sorry Mrs Chakotay, he is very unpolite. I am Haley, and this hot-headed man is lieutenant Reginald Barclay. We work on the Jupiter Station with your friend, the EMH of the Voyager. We had a little work on Earth so he asked us to visit you. We are sorry not signing our arrival, but for the last minutes it has’t been sure that we have enough time to visit you. May we come in or shall we come back later?” Her voice sounded melodical and was so familiar to me that succesfully cooled my temper.

“Yes, please come in!” I led them to the living room. Fortunately it was tidied. Nothing was seen there which would betrayed my hesitancy of packing. My favourite things was right on their places, mixed with those ones, belonged to Chakotay. I pointed to the sofa.”Take a seat! Can I give you something to drink?”

“A cup of tea would be wonderful. Nice house, Mrs Chakotay! I remember that my mom…” I ordered the tea from the replicator to them, when I saw from the corner of my eye, that the woman wore a white triangle on her arm. I realized that it was a mobile emitter. A mobile emitter? The only one I knew in the galaxy belongs to the Doctor! Suddenly I couldn’t listen to the man’s yacking just staring at her. She was a hologram, wearing my Doctor’s mobile emitter! I could have noticed this fact earlier, but I hadn’t used my sensors for a long time. Enough to forget my abilities. How could she dare? And ... why? I felt something icy climbing up on my spine. My hands started tremble and I was unable to stop them. The cups were dancing on the saucers. What’s happened with him? I didn’t want to lose him. She noticed my trembling, took the cups out of my hands and put them down onto the table. “… you all right?” I heard his question, but I couldn’t answer him. I was definitely not all right. I was worried about Him much more than about my children. Big surprise. Haley led me to an armchair and gently forced me to sit down.

“Reg, stop it! Make yourself useful and bring something to drink for her.” She sat on her heels in front of me and put her hands onto my knees. Her hands had their own weight and they were warm. Like real hands not holographical ones. It was so surprising to me, that I drank the liquid, which was given to me without checking. When I felt the taste of synthehol I couldn’t stop myself to swallow. It was like drinking fire. But it felt good. Haley recognized my fear and somehow guessed my question.

“Don’t worry for him, he is safe and sound. The Jupiter station is full with holoemitters, so he doesn’t need this. We can go on the station where we want. Dr Zimmermann made it years ago. He said it was important for his research works. So Captain Tar-Lhonn had to accept his ask. But I needed this device for this journey, and the EMH was so kind and lended it to me.” Her words were very logical, but she was far away for soothing me.

“H…how is he?” I finally stattered the words.

“He is well. He has a lot of heated argument with Lewis. But he works hard and miss you. He developed a special treatment for you. It is the first reason, why we came here.” He drank his tee and change his cup for Haley’s. It was okay. It is He. Caring friend and stubborn researcher. I smiled and imagined him arguing with a man who looks like him.

“…so he would be honoured if you would visit him on the station.” I missed the half of their words.

“Please don’t say no! Nobody force you to undertake the treatment. Just take a look at the process. It is all he wants. It more important to him, than he shows.” Haley looked like the Doctor for a moment: strong and fragile. And determined. It was inevitable, that she would bring me to the Jupiter station whether I wanted it or not. But I wanted. I suddenly recognized what I missed while I tried to be a good wife and mother. I neglected my friends. I met Chakotay’s friends and colleagues, but I hadn’t met MY friends for years. I lived a life, which was not mine. I thought it would be the right choice to neglect my world and adapting to Chakotay’s. I was wrong. It was a terrible mistake! But there was a way to go back, which was crying for me to take. I couldn’t let it run away. Perhaps it would be my last chance.

“What is the other reason?” I decided to travel to the Jupiter Station, but I needed something to confirm my decision. They looked at each other and nodded.

“I hope this will help you to take a right decision.” Could he read in my mind? Reginald put his bag onto the table. “The Jupiter station was built originally for scientific research. In the past few years we built up a new communication net all over the alpha quadrant and the small part of the delta quadrant. This net increases the speed of the communication. Supernovas are used as distributors. The radiofrequency of them is easily combine with a special…”

“Reg, be short! She is not interested in your work.” Haley interrupted him. She wasn’t right. I gave up the scientific career years ago for my family, but never stopped reading the asrtometric news.

“The Barclay-theory! Of course I know it and it is a big breakthrough in the GHAD principle! Are you that Reginald Barclay?” He smiled and nodded and continued where he left.

„A starship was sent to the Delta Quadrant to built and calibrate the net. When the net was stable and trusted, they started to send transporter beams and datas too. It takes for about two hours to travel through the system. A single message could arrive in 75 minutes! It is a very good achievement!” He stopped and waited for my astonishment. It was inevitable. Fortunately, Haley kicked him on the ankle, so he had to continue.”The Captain of Starship Pharao sent a message and an object for you.” He finally opened the bag, took a wrapped thing out of that and put that on the table. Haley took a careful look toward me and unwrapped the thing. I almost collapsed, when I saw the thing. It was my head made of clay. Mezoti’s work. Nothing could stop my tears. My first tears for lost ones.

„Don’t think allways for the worst!” It was Haley, who wanted to comfort me again.„It is a good choice, if you prepare yourself for wrong news, but this time it is better, than you think. I hope.”

The Pharao discovered 5 years ago a shuttle with one traveller. The shuttle was in a very bad state, so they had to beam its passenger onto the board. It was Mezoti. She wanted to reach the Alpha Quadrant and find you. She done deal with the Captain, that he helps her. She lives aboard the Pharao. „This is a message sent for you.” He handed me a PADD with an older Mezoti on its screen. Playing back her message made me happy. She told me everything. Her love. She wanted a permission to live with me, because she had missed me so much.

„Is it possible?” My mind was reeling with the possibilities. She came back. She loved me. She wanted me with all her heart not just settling for me. My little …DAUGHTER…

„There are a lot of possibilities for both of you. Why don’t you come back with us to the station? You could communicate via net there.”

„If you need more time, there are some regular shuttle-flights between the Earth and the Station.” Haley tried to give me time, but I didn’t need any.

„When will we depart?” They gave a victorious smile on me.

„As soon as you are ready.”

It didn’t take a long time. I went to the bedroom to pack my clothes again but I was unable to do that. Those clothes were bought by Chakotay. I wore, but didn’t like them. They were good for a Starfleet-wife, but not enough good for me. I closed the door of the wardrobe and ran up the attic for my old clothes. There wasn’t many, just a few pieces, but they were mine. The catsuits, my first uniforms, the dress, which was chosen for my first date. I quickly packed them into a backpack and put on the purple catsuit. I am Seven. Seven of Nine. Not Mrs Chakotay. Haley and Reginald were waited for me patiently in the living room. Neither of them told me a word for my suit.

„Could we take to the road?” I nodded for Reginald.

„In a minute.” I smiled at him and turned the computer in. I sent a message, which was waiting for to be sent for months. The message reached its goal in seconds. It was a disclaimer for the divorce and to give up on the kids, who never belonged to me.

I left the house without seeing back. It was not my home. I was about finding the real one.