Star Trek officially belongs to Paramount, but this is my own story. It contains adult material, so if you don't like that, or if you are under 18, please go away!
I thought I heard wrong.
"What did you say?" I asked her, just to be sure. Her eyes widened in disbelief.
"I love you" She whispered the answer and turned her head away. Suddenly something froze my tongue. I knew that she expected a love declaration from me, but I couldn't do that. I touched her chin and turned her head to me, to see her eyes. I shouldn't have. Those beautiful, telltale eyes were speaking to me about hope and fear. She was still waiting for me to tell her that I love her too. But I was unable to tell her my feelings.
I fell in love with her at that moment when I saw her the first time. It would be the best thing in my life to carry her to my bed, tearing her already torn uniform off her and constantly making love at least for a month. I stood up and went to the window, because I couldn't bear the hurt in her eyes any longer. But was it hurt? She had never act like a woman in love. She was allways embarassed when I tried to start a relationship. I was so carefully, but when she realized, what's going on, she allways withdraw. And then I had her on my couch, badly beaten, and she simply stated that she loves me and we would have four children. Kathryn, dear, it highly doubtful!
I heard her standing up and coming to me. She gently touched my arm.
"Chakotay..." Tears were in her voice and when I turned to her, I could see those tears on her face too. She suddenly stood on tiptoe, caught my head and kissed me. It was obvious, that she tried to demostrate her love, but her lips didn't obey. I didn't soften my lips, so she had to end it up. I was right. When her eyes opened, there wasn't love in them, just pure disappointment. What a nice trap, she made! I shouldn't have to believe her!
"Chakotay, please!" Her cry was like a drowning woman's, so I successfully crushed her hopes.
"Kathryn, you wanted barriers and I had no choice but accept them. Please, don't ruin them. So, it was a nice try, but I want to know the rest of your story." I walked back to the couch and sat onto it, but she stayed there, at the window, staring at the ground. I supposed, she needed time to build up a new strategy, but she didn't make another one.
"I love you, that's why I mustn't tell you the rest of the story. I'm sorry, I didn't count your moving on, so I beg your pardon. It's all my fault, forget everything, please!" She draw herself up and went to the door. I turned back in time, to see her collapsing onto the floor.
The Doctor wasn't too happy, when I put her to the biobed, but started to attend her without a word. He transported her clothes off her, so I could see the blue areas on her body. The shape of them were like handprints. They were visible on her arms, one of her breasts and the inner side of her thighs. What did she do? Who did this to her? The Doctor healed the bruises in silence.
"Next time, bring her straight here! Am I understood?"
"Aye, sir" I answered to him automatically. He finished his work, covered Kathryn with a grey blanket and erected a force field around her. I followed him to his office.
"What's the matter with the Captain?"
"Nothing serious Commander, just a few bruises."
"Where do those bruises come from?"
"I suggest you to ask the Captain. I can't say more."
"She was raped, wasn't she?
"No Commander, she wasn't raped."
"If you don't say anything, I want to take a look at her medical records."
"Commander, it's not your business. I can't allow this." His monitor beeped at that moment."Ah-hah. The Captain is waking up. You can ask her, but be short. She needs time to rest." She was in furious mood, as allways in the sickbay. I saw her efforts to escape, but the force field didn't let her sit on the bed.
"Doctor! Let me go out in this moment! It's an order!" She cried in her best Captain-voice, but the Hologram didn't frightened. He answered her in his usual warning voice. They were so identical in their disciplines.
"Captain, you stay here for tonight, whether you like it or not. I won't turn off the field before tomorrow morning. But you can leave tomorrow, before breakfast. And to cheer you up, Commander Chakotay is waiting for you." When she heard my name, there was a big spectacular setback in her state. She suddenly turned to white and didn't want to jump off the biobed, she wanted to hide under the blanket instead. She could move her upper body and her head, despite of the force field, but it wasn't enough, to fully cover herself.
"Hi, Captain! We need to talk!" I knocked on her head, because her eyes were hidden under the blanket.
"Get out! I don't want to talk to you!"
"Kathryn, I want to know, what's going on. If you don't answer, I would have solve the situation alone, but you should really help me!" Silence. I thought she didn't even breathe. "It's enough, Kat!" I grabbed the hem of the blanket and yanked that off her head. She looked on me, so I regret my reaction in a minute. She tried to save her authority, but I took away the slightest chance of it from her. There were so much, deep emotion in her eyes: hate, fear, shame and disappointment. Instead of my Captain I saw a humilated human being. I wordlessly covered her head with the blanket and left the sickbay. Kathryn's quiet sobs followed me.
I went to B'Elanna, because she was the only one, who could help me. Fortunately, she was at home and Tom wasn't. She opened the door with Miral in her arms.
"Hi Chakotay! Look, Miral, who 's come? Come in!" She put the baby into the playpen. Her face show her happiness. "What's on your mind, old friend?"
"How do you know..."
"I know you very well, so what's the matter? You wouldn't come to me in this time, if it wouldn't be serious." I told her everything."Hmm. I don't know, what's going on. Kathryn never tell me about her holonovels. What's your plan?"
"We have to break into the holodeck computer's memory. But I can't do it alone..."
"...and you want me to help. Can't we do this tomorrow?"
"Kathryn stays at the Sickbay till tomorrow morning. She could manipulate a computer, I need somebody now."
" What about Seven?"
"Since we tried to have Kathryn to be jealous..."
"It seems, you were very successful. All right. I ask Sam Wildman to look after Miral, and we could go." Sam was very happy to look after B'Elanna's daughter, so she arrived in minutes. The Maquis Engineer turned out to anxious mother, but Sam told her, that she had a daughter too, so she could change the diapers. When B'Ela turned away to give a kiss to her sleeping child, we smiled to each other.
We finally arrived to the holodeck. Nobody was in, we have free way to dig in the computer's memory. v"I turned off the controlls, so everybody think, that I repair the security lock. What's next?"
"I checked the diary, Kathryn was here for 17,5 minutes. I suggest we should see what did she do." B'Elanna started the programme, but without background. We saw just the chatacters.
Kathryn came in. Michael gave her a drink. They were chatting for a while, and suddenly an other men appeared and joined to them. Later they tried to seduce Kathryn, but she resisted. The two man turned to be angry and started to undress her. Kathryn fought against their actions, but she couldn't order the computer to stop the programme, because Michael covered her mouth with his hand. The handprints of the two men stayed on her skin. When the other men spreaded her legs, she could escape and turned off the programme. She sat there for a while, put her clothes on and left the holodeck.
"What's this?Why did she do this? B'Elanna, do you understand?" I started to pace up and down. B'Ela turned off the programme, went to the computer, and started work.
"Chakotay, cool off! I've found 21 programmes with similar length of time. Do you want to look them?"
"I think I should see them, but raise up the speed, I don't like to see Kathryn in this situation."
All of them were like the first. After many of them, Kathryn needed the Doctor's help. At first it ended with less harm, but when I started our little game with Seven, Kathryn went more and more desperated. She was very near to be raped. Tonight was the worst. I didn't understand anything. B'Elanna sat next to me and hugged me.
"Are you still in love with her?" Tears were running on my face, so I just nodded."Do you know why does she do these fights?"
"No. I can't even imagine her motivation."
"Tell her that you love her!"
"After this evening..."
"After this evening. I think I know, why does she do this."
"If you know, then you should tell me, because I don't understand her behavior. If she loves me, why doesn't ask me to make love with her?"
"Because she doesn't know how!"
"Speak clearly, please!"
"Do you remember my first time with a man? Do you remember my behavior?" It was a sensitive place.
When I was at the Maquis, another group was caught by the Cardassians. Seska and B'Elanna were in that group, we rescued them, but there were two dead women among them. They were raped and other women were forced to see. My first picture of B'Elanna was this. She was sitting on her heels in front of the two corpse. I wasn't Captain then, so I could bring her away. She wasn't the first woman, who cried in my arms. We hid on an M-class moon, while we were waiting for other Maquis ships, because we didn't have enough people even for one ship. That night she came to me, asked for a night with me.
"It would be just one night, we never meet again!" She said. When I went to the forest with her, we could hear other couples, making love. She was so embarassed, frightened and behave like who had second thought. I asked her, if she wanted to continue, but she nodded. I slowly undress us and started to caress her, but when I touched her, between her legs, she froze. She didn't hit me, just closed her eyes, clenched her teeth and waited. When I asked her if she really wanted it, she nodded again.
"I want to know what's the matter. I don't want to rape you, so talk to me." After this she told me, that she was virgin, and she didn't want to be with a Cardassian at the first time. The Klingons have three himens, and those are thicker than the human's. She was afraid of the pain, but she was brave. She let me examine her, but she had no luck. Half-breed beings usually inherit both parents' features. She had four himens, but weaker, than the Klingon's. She had very much pain at that night, but at the second time I could bring her to the peak with me. We didn't talk about it since then.
"All right, your behavior is similar, but..."
"...but she is not so brave to ask you! Settle your problems, because I want to be a godmother in a year."
"How did you feel, when I tore your himens?"
"It was very bad. Hurt. But after that, the second time was very good. Don't tell Tom, but sometimes, he can't suffice me like you then. But it's very rarely." She rumpled my hair and stood up. "My daughter is waiting for me. Good night!"
She walked out of the holodeck.
To be continued on Hidden Reason
