|
Harvey [In reference to the bra issue]: I couldn't ask them all to leave, so I left. Steven: I'm the principal - I'm entitled to a tone. Milton [to Sheryl]: Listen to me you pissy little wit- Steven [taking Milton aside]: Milton! We don't call the students witches anymore, Milton, not even the pissy ones. Louisa: The superintendent wants to set up a meeting. Steven: Why? Louisa [sarcastically]: I don't know. Could be Harry Senate shooting off a gun in class, could be Marla going crazy, could be the Buttle cartoons, or maybe she just wants to commend you on how smooth things run here. Harvey: I must make it a rule right here and right now. Wear a bra - for the good of the country. Harry [in the teachers' lounge]: Hey Marla, nothing personal, but aren't you on leave for being a mental? Marla: What, I can't have a cup of coffee? I have to take some big sanity test to have a lousy cup of coffee? Harry [while chuckling]: No I'm just a little concerned the caffeine might interact with your happy pills. Lauren: Harry! Marla [irritated, to Harry]: You got jokes you big comedian. Steven [upon entering, to Marla]: What are you doing here? Marla: Oh Steve, I-I came to see you. Harry [sarcastically, while chuckling]: And the coffee is- Marla [to Harry]: Oh shut up! Steven [to Marla]: Come see me in my office Marla: Okay Steven [walking over to Lauren]: Lauren, what's this I hear you refuse to be fingerprinted? Lauren: Oh, right, I meant to talk to you about that. Um, I refuse to be fingerprinted. Steven: Why? Lauren: I haven't been arrested. Steven: Why don't you come to my office, too. Harry: She can bring the doughnuts! Kevin: Lauren, sweetheart, remember last week you had the chance to fire Lipshultz but, uh, you didn't? Harry [to Scott, in reference to the hallway of junior and senior girls removing their bras an hanging them on their lockers]: Lipshultz told them to wear their brassieres for the good of the country but it turns out they're all communist sluts. Louisa [interrupting a conference between Steven and Marla]: Steven you have a meeting- Marla: He does not have a meeting. You always come in, saying he has a meeting when you think he needs to be rescued. You told me that yourself, Louisa. Louisa: Well when I told you that, Marla, I didn't think he'd have to be rescued from you. Scott [in reference to the meeting with Steven and the superintendent]: Did she say what it was about? Steven: Probably about me assaulting Malcolm White. [Sarcastically] We're not supposed to do that you know. Scott: Would you like me to be there? Steven: I don't think it will help, Scott. The superintendent thinks you're a fascist. Scott: She should know. Harvey: I've been teaching the same way for 50 years, Steven. All of a sudden I'm no good? Explain that to me. Steven: You've been teaching the same way for 50 years. Harry [to Scott]: Um, no offense, but resemblances aside, you're not one of those sniffing dogs. Lauren: What's wrong? Harry: Oh, uh, my nose. It just grew an inch. Dana [in reference to Scott letting her off on the suspension/expulsion]: ...and that he decided to make an exception...so unGuber. Louisa [with dread]: Steven, the Dragon Lady's here. Marcia Shinn [clears throat, then, sarcastically]: Very nice. Louisa: The superintendent has also arrived. Marcia: The Dragon Lady? That's what people call me? Steven: Only when you're in the room Marcia: That would explain your assaulting a student. Steven: I had a situation. Marcia [sarcastically]: As long as there's a good reason, excellent. Kevin: What's wrong? Harry: Nothing. Just, uh, thinking. Kevin: You never think - what's the matter? Milton [sarcastically]: What do you mean it just happened? You were walking down the street and tripped into her mouth? Harry: Hey! Why don't you go into the corner, bend over and reload! Harvey: Karen. [Walking towards Sheryl] Karen? [Sheryl turns around] Harvey [disgusted]: Oh, it's you. Sheryl: Mr. Lipshultz I don't mean to insult you personally. I hope you know that. Harvey: I do young lady. My granddaughter Karen who I thought was you for a second is just as mischievous with her computer. You two would probably get along. Sheryl [genuinely interested]: Does she go here? Harvey: Naw, she lives at Weymouth. Practically never lives the house - always with her computer. She knows how to make those virus things that make websites crash. You know, I know very little about these things, but she wouldn't stop at anything. [Nearing her, looking into her eyes. Then, very seriously] Look at me, Ms. Holt. Study this face. You don't see Milton Buttle here, do you? [At Doyle's] Harry [in reference to him kissing Dana]: I'm going to be out of here so fast... Kevin: Harry you don't have much of a choice. She's going to keep doing this. Milton: What was her tongue like? [Lauren and Marilyn come over, closely followed by Harvey and Marla] Lauren: Hey can we crash? Harry: Yeah, there's room for you and Marilyn. Marla: What about us? Harry [sarcastically]: Actually, this is kind of a place for young people, you know, there might be some safety issues. Marla: Oh you can slide over or bite my big tenderized ass. [All laugh] Louisa [pulling up a chair]: Hey what'd I miss? Kevin: Oh nothing. We're about to get Harvey drunk. Louisa: Oh good! Harry: Yeah it's a nightmare. He starts making sense. Harvey [to Harry]: A regular character, Harry- Lauren: Be nice! Harvey [to Harry]: Are you packed? [All laugh] Milton [to Lauren]: So what was coffee with Guber like? Lauren: It was business. Marilyn: Yeah right! Lauren [sarcastically]: We discussed Marilyn's wardrobe. [All laugh] |