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Harry: Hey Jamal? What do you want to be when you grow up? Jamal [laughing to himself]: Not a teacher. Harry [sarcastically]: Well it seems like you've narrowed it down - not a teacher. You know, as a teacher, it would be inappropriate for me to call you a total screw-up. So what I want you to do is go home and ask your dad, as a favor to me, to tell you you're a total screw up. Kevin [Approaching Marla and Scott talking in the hallway]: Scott? Scott: Hm? Kevin: My players had a team meeting. They think one of our linebackers is gay and they don't want to shower with him. What do I do? Marla: Stamp homophobe on all their helmets and- Scott: Marla! Kevin [simultaneously with Scott, sarcastically to Marla]: Thanks. Scott: You do absolutely nothing. That is what you do. Kevin: Nothing? Scott: You certainly can't force them to shower - they have a sexual harassment claim. If you ban the boy from the shower, he has a discrimination claim. Kevin: If I do nothing what does that make me?! Scott: A football coach! Milton [At Doyle's, sarcastically to Harry in reference to calling Jamal a total screw-up]: Total screw-ups?! That's to what - build their esteem? Milton: Is he really gay? Kevin: How should I know? Milton: You're his coach! Don't you talk about this kind of stuff? Kevin [sarcastically]: Yeah. Between every play. That's why we have huddles. Harry [After running down the stairs to break up a fight, he sticks his hand in his jacket and shouts]: Hey! Freeze! [Pulls hand out of jacket, revealing his outstretched index-finger making his hand into a gun shape] Kidding! Jamal [at the morgue, in reference to the dead body]: The skin is all stiff and stuff. Morgue Guy [casually]: Pretty much. You can touch it if you want to. [Jamal slowly and cautiously reaches out his hand] Harry: HE'S ALIVE! Jamal [jumping back]: Ah! Harry: Kidding! Morgue Guy [seriously]: That wasn't funny. Harry: I know. It was taking too long. Can I touch him now? Marla [to Lauren, in reference to talking about cannibalism in the classroom]: It's hard enough without having to compete with cannibals! Now all the students in my class want to be in your class. They want to know if the Indians used to marinate their victims and whether we taste salty! Harvey [to Kevin's football team in reference to the possibly gay linebacker]: ...Gentlemen, there's noting more American than football. Be proud! Welcome the gay linebacker into the shower. Scott [at school board meeting about Steven Harper]: If you remove Steven Harper as principal, you will be getting rid of me. If he goes, so do I. Kevin: You'll get my resignation as well. Lauren: And mine. Milton: I won't stay. Marla: Me neither. Harry [sarcastically]: I'll stay forever. |