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Lauren: Good morning, Scott. Scott: Good morning, Lauren. Are you doing something new with your hair? Lauren: What? Oh, no. I-I just took a shower in the locker room. I guess it hasn't quite dried yet. Scott: Plumbing problems at home? Lauren: No, I-I come in early a couple days a week to use the gym. I mean, it lacks certain amenities, but the-the price is right. [Scott leans in and smells Lauren's hair] Lauren: Oh! Wh-What was that? Scott: I was just smelling your shampoo. I detected tee tree oil. Lauren: Please don't smell me. Scott: My apologies. Detective McGill: I'm afraid there's been an armed robbery and shooting in the neighborhood. We have reason to believe the suspect we're looking for is somewhere in your school. Scott: Armed? McGill: Yes. Harvey: Is he black? Harvey: I have a class! Scott: You're not going to your class, Harvey. Harvey: Why? Scott: Because you have information I don't want the students to have, and despite the best of your intentions to remain silent, nobody can predict what will come out of your mouth, least of all you. Harvey: You have no authority to keep me out of my own classroom! Scott: Leave my office you will be discharged. How's that for authority? Harry: Dancing?! Lauren: Yes. Harry: We've slept together! Lauren: So? Harry: So?! Lauren, guys only dance with girls because it leads to sex! Lauren: Is that right? Harry: Oh yeah! See, you know, if we were to dance now it would sort of be going back in the relationship and I just- Lauren: But see Harry girls only sleep with guys because it leads to dancing. So, now either you're taking me or I'm taking you - it's your choice. Harry: It so feels like my choice! Lauren: I got class. Harry: Okay. [Lauren leaves] I hate dancing. Scott [In the dungeon, to Harry's class]: Where is Mr. Senate? [Door opens, Harry enters] Scott: Mr. Senate, your class started ten minutes ago. Harry: Excellent! Usually they wait 'till I get here. [Students laugh] Scott: May I speak with you outside, please? [In hallway] Scott: We possibly have an armed suspect in our building. You are to keep all your students inside your classroom for the entire first period; no one shall leave. If we have not located the suspect by the end of first period, we go into code red lockdown. Harry: Oh can I go get my gun?! Scott: Mr. Senate, is there anything you do not find humor in? Harry: Your tie...Do you want to sniff my shampoo? Steven: Why are you here? Harvey: Because vice-principal Hitler has ordered me to stay here. Steven: Why? Harvey: He's afraid I'll blab about the terrorist, or maybe upset the desegs. I should be in my class, Steven! These are the formative years for a student and every minute counts. And besides, it's not as if they ever listen to me. Steven: Stay here. Marla [To her class]: If there was a gunman in here, by now we'd know it. We got procedure- [Louisa enters and hands Marla a note, which Marla reads aloud] Do not alarm the students but there is an armed suspect inside the building... Juan: Why can't we go? There's a separate exit down here. Harry: First of all: policy. Kids stay in the classroom. And you all know how devoted to policy I am. Juan: What's the second? Harry?: Sorry? Juan: You said, "first." That usually means there's a second. Harry: Oh, well the second is you people are all suspects. How many here have juvie records? Harry [Using a metal detector on his class]: Where did you get this? Student: Oh, my brother stole it at the airport. Harry: Oh that's nice. Steven: Go get Lipshultz. Scott: Give me strength! Juan: You said if we were eliminated as suspects we could go! Harry: I never said that. If I said that, I was lying. Juan: Then why'd we go through all that with the metal detector? Harry: Because I wanted to play with it. Harry [To his class, on the subject of women]: Um, ok, uh, well, here's what I know so far: oddly enough, uh, they-they like to-to dance. [Students throw crumpled-up paper at him] Come on, I'm serious! Okay, yeah, fine! Grow old alone! Kevin: They're gonna grab the kid as he comes out. Could be exciting. Wanna go watch? Milton: Thank you, no. My day's been exciting enough. Scott [Nervously]: Three minutes. Steven: I can tell time, Scott. Scott: You know I have these recurring dreams of being shot, ever since Columbine, and whenever I discipline a student now I say to myself, "Is this the one? Is this the charter member of the trench coat mafia? Is this the boy, picked on in his youth? The one who's gonna avenge his life of persecution by putting a gun to my temple? Is this the one?" Steven: It's usually the popular teachers who get shot. Scott [sighing]: Right. Kevin: Is it cool to score with a teacher? You in some club? You get bonus points? Lisa: You know, Mr. Riley, here I am feeling bad for Milton [lowers her voice to a whisper] maybe I should feel sorry for you. Kevin [sarcastically]: Why? Because I don't understand true love? Student: You're not very good at this. You know, you'd make a lousy flight attendant. Lauren: Well, that's why I teach. Steven: Neil, you want a hostage? Huh? Son, take me. Neil: Right! I'm gonna take a three hundred pound giant. Lauren: You almost got me killed. Harry: Oh, that's gratitude. McGill: We need to talk to you. Harry: Oh, can I change my shorts first? Kevin: Always have to be the cowboy, don't you? Harry: Breaks up the day. Lauren: Harry, nothing happened that wasn't in the teachers' handbook: "Occasional violence. Hostage situations are possible. In these situations, it is best to be rescued by a fellow teacher who you are romantically involved with. Harry: Ah. Lauren: "This should be followed up with dancing." It's in there. Harry: Let's get right to it then. Lauren: Why don't we. Harry: Oh, maybe next time we could try it with musicians still alive because these guys are... |