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Harry [In bed, reading college entrance essays at a laptop]: Oh, here's a good one. Life is like playing basketball on grass. It looks pretty and soft, but the ball takes funny bounces, when you fall you get dirty, and in the end it's about trying to score your goals without stepping in dog poop. Lauren [across from Harry]: Well it makes sense. Harry: It makes sense. But not for a college application essay. Harvard's gonna say "step right up" when they read this. Lauren [After logging onto Sheryl Holt's site on another laptop in front of her]: Harry, have you seen Sheryl Holt's website this week? Harry: No. Why? We on it? Lauren: No, but, uh, Milton is. Harry [sarcastically]: What else is new? Lauren [Picking up her laptop and moving next to Harry so he can see]: No, thi- this seems a little new. Harry: But that's cute. And good for Milton. Lauren: That girl - I think she's a student. Harry: Lisa Greer? I had her once [short pause, when Lauren quickly glances at Harry] ...as a student. Lauren: Is Milton with this girl? Harry: Oh come on! Lauren: Harry, Sheryl Holt's little cartoons always have some truth in them. Harry: Okay, first of all, where was the germ of truth in Milton's rectal equestrian face dive? Second, Milton and her! She's beautiful - she happens to be a pretty serious student. She'd be horrified to sleep with a teacher. Believe me, I asked her. Harry [approaching Kevin in the hallway]: Hey Kevin. Kevin: Hey! Harry: Sheryl Holt's website has a picture of Milton planking Lisa Greer. Do you know anything about that? [short pause] Kevin: No. Harry: Why'd you have to think about your answer? Kevin: I was thinking about your question, Harry. Kevin [In reference to Harry's suspicions about Milton and Lisa]: Are you concerned here, Harry, or jealous? Harry [sarcastically]: That's as funny as it is evasive! Harvey: Obviously, you're joking! Scott [sarcastically]: Yes, Harvey, I'm refining my stand up routine before I go on the road. Harry: Are you sleeping with Milton Buttle? Lisa: You know, Mr. Senate, I'm not a lawyer, but from everything I've read, your remark might constitute sexual harassment. Harry: Hmm...I don't think a single question could amount to sexual harassment, but maybe if I kept repeating it - so let's do that. Are you sleeping with Milton Buttle? Harvey [at meeting arranged to determine Harvey's dismissal due to racism]: I should just be safe and say "African-American Black Colored Negroes." Milton [In reference to Harry asking Lisa about Milton and her]: What the hell are you doing? Harry: I'm gonna go take a pee - you wanna watch? Milton: Did you ask Lisa Greer whether she and I were sleeping together? Harry: Uh huh. Milton: Why? Harry: Many reasons. Mainly because I wanted to know if you two were sleeping together. Milton: Harry, if you have something to say you come to me! Harry: Fine. Are you and Lisa Greer- [Milton cuts Harry off] Harvey: Marla, you're black, right? Marla: If memory serves me. Scott: I'm saying if you're ever going to excel at leadership you're going to have to learn to be tougher. Lauren: Allright - is that right? Well I'm standing up to a militant Vice Principal. Isn't that tough? Harvey [At Harvey's second meeting to determine his dismissal. In reference to the earlier meeting when Lauren promised to defend Harvey but bailed]: We have something in common, Lauren. Neither one of us can think of a single thing to say on my defense. Lisa: But, morally, how many people do you hear of that put on their tombstones [lowers voice to just above a whisper] "at least I followed the rules!" |