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Ronnie [to Scott, in reference to her surprise party last night in which she was caught barely dressed]: What you saw last night, it wasn't the real me. Harry: Everything was real. Scott [To Ronnie]: You will be expected to remain clothed at all times during school hours, however. Denise DeMarcos: This is help? The day of the interview you tell me to talk different? Lauren [correcting]: Differently Denise: ...I've been puking and stuff all morning! Lauren: Yes, another nugget to leave out of the interview. Danny [In reference to a secret faculty meeting]: I'm not sure, it's kind of hush hush. Benjamin Harris: Ooh! Hush hush! I love things covert in nature! Danny: Yeah, this doesn't surprise me, doc. Benjamin: ...yeah, union thing [cuts himself off and retraces his steps to look into a classroom] Oh my word! [Continues walking] Did you see that? Danny: What? Benjamin: In that classroom - it was the Hook Lady! Danny: The what? Benjamin: The Hook Lady. The lady whose hand got filleted. She's in that classroom! My word! Danny: What's she doing in there? Benjamin: It looked like she was collecting assignments with her hook! Why would they let a hook lady teach? [Scott approaches the two outside the doorway to the classroom] Benjamin: Scott, why is the Hook Lady teaching a class? Scott: I beg your pardon? Danny: Mrs. Peters - she's in there lending a helping hook. [Short pause] This isn't like a normal school, is it? Teacher [about Mrs. Peters]: Come on, Scott, she assisted half of last year. Scott: Well, last year isn't this year. Teacher: Well yes, and aside from that stunning revelation, what's the big deal? Steven [about Mrs. Peters]: Why didn't you inform us you were having her assist? Teacher: Well obviously I wanted to keep it from you, Steven, and if I want to keep something from you [pointing to Louisa, who's in the next room] I put it in a memo and deliver it personally to your assistant. Louisa [Upon entering with a memo in her hand]: Sorry. Kid: Are you a real teacher? Ronnie: Are you a real student? Steven: Ms. Cooke... Ronnie: Uh oh, this morning it was Ronnie. Steven: How's your first day going? Ronnie: I think you're about to tell me. Doctor: ...Bad news is your cholesterol is 252. Marla: 2 what? Doctor: Too high! Doctor: Technically you are obese. Marla: Technically you're bald; you don't see me prescribing Rogaine! Doctor [to Marla]: For a schoolteacher you have an uncanny ability to get everything wrong. Dr. Colbert: Do you have any real friends? Scott [quietly]: No. Dr. Colbert: None? Scott: Well, Steven Harper, but he's my boss. Steven [skeptically, passing Harvey in the hallway]: Harvey... Harvey [curtly, then keeps walking]: Steven! Steven [holds out his arm so Harvey stops and faces him]: Whoa...where're you headed, Harvey? Harvey: Oh, just taking a walk. Steven [skeptically]: A walk? You wouldn't be headed to a secret faculty meeting? Harvey: Well I'd tell you, Steven, but then it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it? Denise: Mr. Harper, my name's Denise DeMarcos. You probably don't know me 'cause I don't tag bathroom walls and stuff... Scott: Do you know who Demitri Chastichovich is? Steven: Scott, I've told you; I like basketball; I don't really follow hockey. Benjamin [To Danny, in reference to Mrs. Peters]: I dissected her hand- [hold out hand, gesturing] finely manicured! Danny [to Harvey, introducing himself]: Hey! Danny Hanson, sir. Pleasure. Still alive? Marla: Steven Harper, you're fat! Harry [sarcastically to Ronnie, after her first encounter with the shoe lady]: First parent conference? Great! |