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Toggled Review
'Halo
3: ODST’ more fun than game expanded upon
By Ezra Mann (Editor
in Spoof)
Review was also posted at the Pauls Valley Daily Democrat
In the world of entertainment there is often a push to see who can win at the been there done that contest. Still, most of us that like to escape from the bill paying world have accepted this and try and at least weed through to those that feel the least recycled.
The latest offering from Bungie and Microsoft Game Studios isn’t the freshest example of breaking new ground with old soil, but it is at least presented in a way that gives hardcore fans their latest fix. Heck, in a way I actually found this add on more compelling than the game it expanded from (perhaps it’s that lack of “Oh save us hero for we are but bumbling meat puppets” shtick). “Halo 3: ODST” temporarily makes what otherwise has been a one man super soldier show and throws in halfway believable humanity.
Don’t get me wrong, Master Chief has his cool moments, as cliché as they may be, but I can understand if there are those out there that have grown tired of hearing the fanboys’ diatribe. Thankfully you get a chance to see the fight through new eyes with this adventure focusing on the events leading up to “Halo 3.”
Sure, you are still considered to be among the best of the crazies, yet this time you play the role of orbital drop shock troopers (a different trooper depending on the mission). You’re mission is to try and figure out why the Covenant decided to invade and trash good old New Mombasa (with good old bad guy stomping fun included). I kind of like how this time around you are actually a bit more vulnerable and must think before you pile into enemy forces.
The biggest issue I have with this game is that it does not feel like there is enough added on to make it worth the same price as a regular title. For some of us who can’t afford to buy all the big hits, it actually would have been better to make this no more than half what was charged for the previous Halo title (perhaps an exclusive Xbox Live download instead of putting out packaging).
For this reason I can’t recommend anything other than renting until it is considerably cheaper, especially since the multiplayer function that was the bigger part doesn’t offer all that much when you can get the maps separately. Other than that, the controls are decent, the visuals decent enough and the plot no more cheesy than a Lethal Weapon movie (also with less chance of a drunken Mel Gibson sighting). In the end, it could have been much worse and for at least distracting the bigger fans of the series until the big reach hits shelves, I give “Halo 3: ODST” three and a half out of six toggles.
The Truth Behind Healthy Living
By Puns McKenna
Have you ever watched those public broadcast shows that tell you all about healthy living? Have you ever noticed what they all have in common?
Cooking out of doors… like cave men!
Now, I can see the merits of using natural materials for cooking. Rocks retain heat better than charcoal. The woodsy scent of nature as you cook is also a great benefit. But some of these methods are pretty close to the caves if you ask me.
For instance, did you know that large flat rocks
are some of the cleanest cooking surfaces? Well, it’s true…
they are! See you find the biggest, flattest rock you can. Slap a couple
of steaks on it from those Organic®
cows onto it and let the sun sear it away for you. Natural heat, natural
cook surface, genetically engineered cow, all natural dirt bug droppings…spores…lichen…etc.
You get my point right? There was a reason why we quit cooking on flat
stones and developed better tools. Could just have something to do with
living long enough to watch our teeth fall out.
But wait! That will never happen. The teeth falling out part, not the living long enough part. We will Live Long and Prosper, as our Vulcan counterparts recommend, but I wonder what the cost is. It might be the whole nutritious diet thing.
Fast food is rapidly becoming a thing of the past. Fast “healthy” food is now the in thing, and do it yourself cook at home elaborations are rapidly becoming the hottest thing since fresh bread. Wheat crackers and rice cakes aside, lets look at some of the things they tell you to do to prepare a healthy meal at home. First you peel all the vegetables and throw away the healthiest parts. I can just hear all those potato eyes weeping now.
The next thing you do is you torture the food. Take it’s poor skinned body, throw it into a pot of boiling water and watch it shriek and scream for some arbitrary fraction of time, then carelessly toss it into an ice bath. After you’re all done torturing it, you very kindly cover it’s savaged flesh in things that make it burn… oils… spices… It’s… it’s…it’s barbaric! How can we be so horrible to these foods? What have they done to us? Surely these plants and animals deserve to be heard… to be treated with respect? Maybe so, but I have my own way of dealing with them.
Deep Fried Zucchini and Chicken
2 large zucchini
2 large chicken breasts (boneless)
4 cups extra virgin olive oil
2 tsp. Ground peppercorns
1 tsp. Salt
1 tsp. Garlic powder
1 tsp. Onion powder or flakes
3 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup water
2 eggs beaten
1 medium mixing bowl
1 gallon-sized zip-lock bag
1 large skillet or deep fryer
1 Large butcher knife
1 pair of tongs or straining basket
Wash Zucchini and chicken thoroughly. Cut top and bottom off zucchini. Cut each zucchini into quarter- inch square strips, lengthwise. Set aside. Cut chicken breast into quarter inch strips. Set aside. In zip-lock bag combine flour and spices. Shake until well mixed. Set aside. Combine eggs and water in mixing bowl. Heat oil in pan or deep fryer. Dip zucchini and chicken in egg mixture. Allow excess to drip off. Place chicken and zucchini pieces into bag with dry mixture. Shake until well coated. Place coated strips into deep fryer. Cook until golden brown. Serves 2.
Bon Apetite!