Last week's News

News article for the week of 7/9/05.

Alien Invasion Delayed Once More
By, Grey News

The impending invasion from unspeakable and unseen alien forces from beyond the Solar System has been delayed until April 2006, ostensibly for pressing reasons revolving around harvests, breeding and ritual sacrifices to moon deities.
Spokesentities for the Supreme Warlord, the Overlord and the Grand Exterminator have so far failed to give entirely cohesive reasons for their actions, each one claiming that one of the above causes was more pressing than the others.
Though the inconsistencies could be excused simply because of friction between the three high offices of the invasion fleet popular speculation has it that “War of the Worlds” is the true cause of the delay.
The latest Steven Spielberg film has received mixed reviews, though it is universally agreed to be visually stunning. It is also thought that the tripods, the terror and the basic battle plan so closely match that of the invading aliens that they have decided to delay their invasion until a time when their actions will appear fresh and new.
The Overlord’s press releases have been most vehement that this is not true, claiming a desperate need to begin the mating process as being the true reason.
The Grand Exterminator on the other hand is willing to say that while their plans are significantly different from those in the film they are concerned that an alien invasion occurring right after a movie about alien invasion might be seen as either unoriginal or too much at once.
That being said the office of the Grand Exterminator has been pushing the party line that the Goddesses demand cookies harder than the originality line.
Ironically this brings back comparisons to the last attempted alien invasion, which coincided with the release of Independence Day, which is also being compared to Spielberg’s film.
Most credit “War of the Worlds” with being far superior in terms of atmosphere and production, though we should not forget that the last time aliens attempted to invade the release and popularity of this film forced them to delay for fear of being labeled copycats.
It would appear that a Steven Spielberg film starring Tom Cruise has managed to save the day, however this was also said of the Will Smith film.
Also, with this being the third delay in fifteen years of attempted invasions of Earth many are beginning to believe that the aliens lack the intestinal fortitude, relative biologies not included.
Hearing this the Grand Exterminator itself came out and pronounced that it had a healthy, heavy set of balls and started swinging them around. As these balls were not entirely secure there were a number of injuries, especially when the croquet balls started flying about.
This incident has been used by the invaders to show their destructive natures, and as a harbinger of things to come.