Last week's News

News article for the week of 8/13/05.

Terrorists Alter Tactics
By, Grey News

After the recent London bombings the world has watched and waited with dire anticipation of the next attack. Through sources that wish to remain anonymous the world has learned that the foul terrorists who bomb innocent buses and trains are beginning to get desperate.
Apparently disappointed with the utter lack of reaction from the British the change in tactics may have dire consequences for the world.
It is thought to be a major miscalculation on the part of the terrorists to bomb London in the first place. Whereas the United States had not previously faced a recent assault on it’s territory by an outside agency and Continental Europe is used to far more negotiation the British, in particular the inhabitants of London, have been facing bombs from varying sources for nearly a Century.
If the concentrated bombing of the Nazis or the exploding post boxes of the IRA are not going to make them flinch neither is an exploding train.
Unfortunately it seems that the terrorists have finally realized this and have thus altered their tactics to something that will even frighten the British: English cooking.
Experts have long predicted that terrorists would turn to biological warfare, though they now admit that even they thought the terrorists would have limits.
The British themselves are stiffening their upper lips in traditional fashion. Some even hope that Spotted Dick, Black Pudding and Fish and Chips will be the primary weapons.
Such is unlikely to be the case. Reports out of renegade splinter groups, disgusted with the use of Oxtail soup and pickled herring, tell of unspeakable abominations, the merging of kippers with custard, excessive use of turnips and concoctions that no amount of salt or pepper can cure.
Meanwhile the British government is considering armed guards around key curry shops. Traditional takeaway venues will receive extra security, with all personnel undergoing though background checks.
One move that has chilled US-UK relations slightly has been the revelation that all McDonalds and KFC outlets will be watched. Officially this is not due to any suspicions of collaboration, no one expects any self-respecting terrorist to team up with a clown or a Southern Dandy. Unofficially it has been stated that these moves have been made because of suspicions that both McDonalds and KFC will attempt to take advantage of this situation, much as has-been music stars have tried to take advantage of 9/11.
Adding pressure to the situation are those members of various governments who are considering using this tactic themselves, employing those with knowledge of traditional English cooking to devastating effect.
Whether this leads to a new arms race is debatable, though one thing remains clear, the genie is out of the bottle on this one.