Last week's News

News article for the week of 11/13/05.

A Serious Look at Australian Anti-Terror Laws
By, Grey Politics

The haste with which the Australian Government has moved to enact tough anti-terror laws that even supporters refer to as “draconian” may have reached terminal velocity as Prime Minister John Howard, using a recent raid on suspected terrorists about to enact a plot to bulldoze the new laws into effect.
The recent raid alone has shocked most Muslim Australians, who are concerned that moderates may be targeted in the sweeping up of the radical minority.
Civil libertarians, indeed even most non-Islamic Australians, oppose the laws, fearful that decades of old jokes about Australia becoming the world’s largest fascist dictatorship may come true.
In an attempt to drum up further support Howard has put on his finest “Papa Knows Best” hat (designed by Australian publicist Francine Wilson and French haberdasher Philip Rescard) and addressed the nation, extolling the need to sacrifice a few minor comforts for safety, and assuring all that this would not affect freedom of speech.
Critics are quick to point out that these laws would stand up to very little before abuse occurred, turning free speech into a subjective item of law.
They also point out that right of assembly is also at risk, however none of this is receiving much notice from any government figures.
Government figures are largely ignoring opponents, making very few real modifications to the laws. It would appear that many within the government are determined that their Prime Minister not suffer the same crisis of political faith that British counterpart Tony Blair now faces in trying to pass similar legislation.
Australia sees itself as a key ally of the US in the War on Terror, going as far as identifying itself as the frontline nation in the fight, especially now that George W Bush has “Drawn a line in the sand” along the Canadian border with newly revealed orbiting space laser, “Bob”.
Though it will take time to recharge and replace the batteries (five years to be precise) the Bush administration is adamant that the damage to the environment, scarring of the and fearsome rattling of Mrs McKenzie’s prize china was worth scaring Celine Dion away from the US border.
With the revelation that Celine Dion has learned how to swim without drowning by closing her mouth when it’s in the water, Australia now fears for its own safety as the next most likely target, as much of Europe fails to see Dion as much of a threat.
Many Australians are apparently willing to live with the nearly even odds of Celine Dion choosing between touring their land or Asia rather than sacrifice the slightest liberty or give more power to an already doubted police force.
Indeed, many Aussies feel that living with such threats is worth not having to worry about being arrested when they refer to their leader as a “balding, mean spirited jackanapes with the social graces of a wombat and the intellect of a French solicitor”.
France responded by promising to surrender to Australian public opinion as soon as the riots are over and France has stopped surrendering to itself (fifteen consecutive surrenders and counting).