Last week's News

News article for the week of 6/19/06.

The Search for Atlantis IX: We’re In (Continued from Ep. 8)
By, Grey Exploration

Finally our legal troubles are over and we are ready to explore what we hope are the lost ruins of Atlantis.
Kind of.
More specifically I personally have managed to delay our legal misery. The Morlocks who were suing us and in turn being sued by us in what has to be the single biggest legal mess since OJ’s speeding ticket have entered into an agreement with me, one that I have had some difficulty getting the others to go along with.
Mister Moneybags (not his real name, he just likes the sound of this one), our financial backer and dilettante explorer is against it because he sees this as his moment to shine. Not because he is an excellent lawyer, an adequate lawyer or even a crap lawyer, simply because he has vast sums of cash, something, that if thrown at any legal system, will eventually result in a verdict to your liking.
One thing I will give him, he has more money than a bunch of soggy Morlocks.
However these things take time and this is Italy, meaning it will take a very long time if we do it that way.
All the while the geeks and Morlocks are going to keep exchanging insults, invariably making the situation worse. Personally I doubt Moneybags is going to be able to bribe quickly enough to keep up with the growing number of newly formed vendettas.
No, my solution was both simple and elegant.
In retrospect I’m surprised that anyone agreed to it.
However all sides agreed that the geeks would apologise for calling Morlocks “Klingons”, “Half Drowned Rats”, “Goths”, “Dixie Chix Fans” and will submit a complete Star Trek DVD collection (each signed by the appropriate captain).
In return the Morlocks will retract their statements claiming that the Star Wars Prequels are superior to the Originals, will cease production of all podcasts that make derogatory statements about Firefly and allow limited access to the public areas of the underwater city they now inhabit, with further exploration pending on good behaviour and evidence.
In the end everyone went for it, I had to promise to introduce some oily, obese geeks to Jessica Alba, how I’m going to do that since I don’t even know Jessica Alba, and that I would not interfere with Moneybags’ attempts to buy pretty much everything he sees once he’s in that city.
I smell a whole lot more lawsuits coming on.
At any rate we now approach the city in a small convoy of submersibles. I find myself in close proximity to a number of ships crew along for the heavy lifting, and several of the geeks themselves.
Between the honest musky smell of hard working men and the breath of someone who doesn’t believe in cleaning their teeth between pizzas and a view of an under water city that includes the infamous golden arches . . . Oh crap. I begin to wonder exactly why I’ve gone to this much effort when the whole thing could have collapsed and I could have gone home to interview mountain climbers.