Last week's News

News article for the week of 10/4/06.

Space Race Takes a Few New Twists
By, Grey News

Once upon a time it was all very simple, two large and powerful nations engaged in games of one-upmanship. Having run out of small nations to start wars in, both decided to go to space and see if they can start any wars there.
Unfortunately, one of the contestants collapsed before anyone got further than the third block of the moon.
With Billionaire Time Waster Richard Branson announcing his space tourism venture and Commie China declaring it’s intent to send people to the moon; the slumbering beast that is the United States is once again getting in on the action, making for an interesting three way race.
Unfortunately there is no specific goal this time.
As rich as he is even Branson lacks the resources to start up a lunar colony larger than a doghouse.
China simply wants to make it to the moon, and boasts that if nothing else it has a large pool of volunteers waiting to be locked into a space ship and flung into the sky.
Additionally, the US could easily slip back into it’s malaise with a “been there, done that” approach to the any goal less than the fourth block on the moon.
All the same commentators are calling it a race between the three groups, certain that something interesting will happen in the near future, as Nasa’s space shuttle fleet is about to be retired, and China has recently perfected the art of bringing someone back from orbit alive, in once piece and not exploding the colostomy bag in the process.
More heat and therefore incentive may be provided by extra participants, something that should not be discounted too soon.
Russia is desperate to remain a world player, and is trying every trick it can think of to revitalise its state space program.
While still more than willing to rent out it’s space assets to anyone with the cash, indeed Branson will be using refurbished Russian facilities to send people into space, Russia needs the PR. To this end they have literally thrown money at their space program, even going as far as waving shiny Canadian Dollars in front of scientists as an incentive.
India should also not be ignored, as they stated: “No one else can possibly fling more people up there than us!”
Germany might be a surprise, come from behind entrant, working on the theory of “Well we really don’t want to be here”, and Japan has suggested that it’s nascent space program could work closer with the US as long as one low gravity research station was used to create men and women with cat’s ears, tails and whiskers.
A cheap shot by Al Gore suggested that the US will not put it’s best effort into further space ventures unless there are terrorists up there, to which President George W. Bush replied “If they’re up there, we’ll fight them there”. No one knows who to take seriously anymore.
Tony Blair, in an effort to take any of the pressure off of himself in Britain at the moment has suggested that England could become involved, if they could just figure out how the Thunderbirds did it so easily.