Last week's News

News article for the week of 10/12/06.

New Zealand Still Irked at French
By, Grey Events

Even after nearly two years, the sinking of the Greenpeace ship “Rainbow Warrior” in a New Zealand port by French operatives draws an angry reaction from the majority of Kiwis.
The bitterness was rekindled recently by revelations that one of the plotters is brother to a French presidential hopeful.
This politician has state that she had no idea of her brother’s missions, and is generally believed. Most of the anger in New Zealand is aimed at the near royal treatment of the operatives upon their return to France, indeed, that they were returned to France at all.
At the time the French government bought considerable economic pressure to bear against New Zealand, whose economy is based heavily on agricultural exports, especially to Europe.
Appeals to the US and Britain went unheeded at the time, dismissed as “The whining of colonials” (Britain) and “Who?” (US).
Making matters worse were several diplomatic moves undertaken by New Zealand, such as banning nuclear powered vessels from their ports, finding Howard the Duck entertaining and suggesting that Dolly Parton’s breasts were too big. These statements and others isolated New Zealand politically, leaving the government no choice but to hand over the operatives to French justice, which promptly gave them awards.
This sort of thing concerns human rights organisations who now worry what French day-care must be like and don’t want to imagine a French florist on a bad day.
While most of New Zealand accepts that they are in no position to do anything about this turn of events there are a small minority who want some sort of action – any action – taken to even the score.
Most Kiwi aggression takes the form of sports, where exceptional teams gain international notoriety. However no one pays any attention to sporting events involving the French, so this is not going to be satisfactory.
Military action is similarly ludicrous considering the nations involved.
However with a small, though well trained infantry, no armour corps to speak of, an air force that routinely hires out to private firms for personnel transport and conducts bombing missions by post, a navy that pads it’s numbers by defining “ship” as “anything you can fit three mates and enough beer for an afternoon on” and technology that is said to be better than sticks and rocks because they lost the rocks the unfortunate truth is that New Zealand doesn’t have much of a defence force.
Of course historically neither have the French.
Economics is even more ridiculous as France has too much influence within the EU to be touched and can launch monetary retaliations that would reduce New Zealand to a Jerry Lewis theme park and a small golf course.
The only ally New Zealand could possibly find is Japan, which has it’s own intentions of turning a South Pacific nation into a golf course.
Analysts expect that this will eventually die down to nothing because New Zealand is easily forgotten and France is best forgotten.