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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 4/14/08. The Search for Atlantis
XVIV: Now This is Interesting Finally, sadly, annoying, and possibly even thankfully we’re all back together safe and sound. The traps haven’t been sprung or anything like that, we’ve just been retrieved from them without incident, except a few minor deaths among what the nerd experts have termed “Red Shirts”. That being said being trapped for varying lengths of time in the newly reconfigured Atlantis – and we’re increasingly certain that this lost city in South America is Atlantis, admittedly because we’ve found absolutely no proof otherwise and only vague hints that it’s possible – has given us many opportunities. Okay, so most of the team wandered around whatever section they were in randomly pulling bricks, searching for levers, basically pulling and pushing everything they could in the hopes of setting something off. And it worked! Well, it worked in that stuff was set off. Hence a few “Red Shirt” incidents. Not that we’re overly worried at the moment, we think everything that’s going to be triggered has been triggered. After all, just how many floor panels that trigger a hidden wall compartment and shoots poison tipped arrows – that are still potent might I add – could there possibly be? Not more than two or three score, surely. Just in case we hired some extra help, and to be really sure we’re only going places the Chinese spies return from. They’re not great spies, even then we’ve got a little bet on to see if they kill us, and to be honest they’re better conversationalists than what I’ve had lately and have a tendency not to die horribly in traps. If you’re going to follow anyone that sounds like a pretty good qualification. At any rate we’re increasingly certain that this is Atlantis thanks to some mosaics and statues that seem to allude to higher technology than should have been available for the age. Not great or stunning technology, but considering we’re looking at 5000BC Commodore 64 computers are pretty damn good. Likewise so are De Lorians (admittedly the gearbox is even more primitive than the average De Lorian), glam rock, and an obsession with an American Idol type of entertainment. Remember, I never said they were more advanced than us, just more advanced than the average 5000BC dweller. We’re not thinking to find iPods or Xboxes, which almost certainly means no cool flying cars or out of this world power sources that could help end Global Warming and the continued media attention given Paris Hilton, but we do hope to come across an Amiga or something to combat the continued existence of Andy Dick. I have never been happier on this little adventure, and am certain that nothing more can possibly go wrong. |
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