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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 4/29/08. Hillary Clinton Promises Ambitious
Public Transport System With a narrow victory dragging on the Democratic presidential nomination process into something resembling a long running teen drama desperation has become the order of the day. Celebrity guest appearances, themes, music, and even weird new hairstyles that may become a momentary trend really do make you think Aaron Spelling has risen from the grave and started selling his ideas to political advisors. Barak Obama is taking things easy with a beach episode, uh, I mean series of beach appearances, eschewing suit and tie for Bermuda shorts and short-sleeved shirts. Man that guy has great calves. Analysts believe he has been advised to show a more relaxed side of his personality, prove that he can take it easy and project a more approachable image. Hillary Clinton, not wanting to risk the massive voter blindness the sight of her in a bikini could cause, has chosen to attack on a different front, promising a new policy that could solve many of the environmental demands, economic issues and resolve more than a few foreign policy issues that dog the United States today. Fuel is becoming increasingly expensive and forcing a number of hard home economics decisions, while on one level this aids the “green revolution” in alternative fuels no clear solution has presented itself. Enter Hillary Clinton, a presidential candidate so desperate she has pledged to become THE new public transport system of America if elected. Husband, former President and potentially ongoing adulterer Bill Clinton has stated that Hillary’s back is broad and strong, precisely what is needed to pull this off. Critics claim this is patently ridiculous, no matter how good her calves, or how meaty and comfortable her back Hillary Clinton cannot single handedly provide public transport for all of America, nor even for a single city. The newly revamped again Clinton camp has stated that this promise is more of a political pledge than an actual, physical, she’s going to do it sort of thing. “Think of it as less of a promise and solution package and more a personal oath to get down and dirty in finding a final solution to the environmental and economic woes presently plaguing the American people that Republicans can’t deliver on without alienating their Big Oil supports, while only a properly connected Democrat, like Hillary Clinton, can get our Big Oil supporters to bend ever so slightly to deliver on a solution.” Said one aide who looked like he was tripping over his own tongue. Is this a sign of final desperation on the part of Clinton, or yet another trick pulled out of her hat in a scrappy, determined fighting style quickly becoming known as Unquitter Clinton? Only time will tell. |
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