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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 5/29/08. Clinton Desperation Tactics Reaching Epic Level By, Grey Politics With more and more commentators considering Barak Obama the de facto Democratic Party Presidential Candidate the young senator has started shifting attention from winning the nomination and to facing off against eventual foe John McCain. Hillary Clinton is not taking this snub well, recent “victories” – as in the continued splitting of states with Obama – have convinced her to hang in to the bitter end no matter the damage done to the Democrats in the process. With promises, comparisons in terms of experience – both within the White House and as a senator – and funding failing her at every turn Hillary Clinton has finally resorted to that old political standby: The bloody threat. Apparently drafted after the first time she ran out of money Clinton has a scheme so villainous that it may destroy democracy, or at least the Democratic party, forever. The plan, colloquially being referred to as “The Bill Clinton Nightmare Scenario”, involves cloning herself in such vast quantities that she will become a political force based on pure population numbers alone. Obama’s first term would be turbulent at best as untold legions of Hillary Clintons criticise him simultaneously on every TV channel, news program, podcast, radio show and street corner in America. Theoretically this will only be enacted should she lose to Barak Obama for reasons that will soon be obvious. It may also be enacted if she loses the presidential race but for now the threat is levelled at her opponents within the Democratic Party only. Barak Obama remains unfazed by the threat and claims that he and the American people will rise above the petty threat of an army of aging shrews hounding them daily for simply exercising their democratic right to vote for who they like. Similarly John McCain is unconcerned, even going a step further, planning to draft twenty, perhaps as much as forty percent of the Hillary Clinton clones to bolster US military forces around the world. International outcry was immediate, with several nations calling it cruel and unusual and several allies threatening to pull support if this plan were enacted, while France surrendered. John McCain has refused to back down over this pledge, stating that if the world doesn’t want to face an army of Hillary Clintons then it shouldn’t kick sand in America’s face. Obama immediately pounced on this as proof that all McCain could offer America is more of the same . . . “The same pro-war and anti-custard stance that has become the hallmark of the present administration.” Furious that both opponents are scoring points off of her threat before it is even enacted Hillary Clinton is attempting to conceive of some new and bigger threat, like a whiney teenager in dark clothing. Truly this is the ultimate political doomsday scenario, with no one set to get what they want except George Lucas, who despite all efforts is finding his Star Wars prequels, particularly “Attack of the Clones” gaining in legitimacy all the time. |
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