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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 10/12/08. Freaks Fish Free Votes By Grey Politics In every election everywhere there are the main political parties, the two or so parties in each nation who hold the hearts and minds, sometimes wallets and pancreas’, of the voters at large. These are the big players, the ones who chose Presidents, Prime Ministers, Grand Poobahs, Lesser Fishriders and the occasional Merv. And for each of these major parties are dozens of fringe entities, political oddities, in some cases necessities that in some countries force compromises, in others simply remind us the value of democracy and the irritating side of freedom of speech. Parties that advocate environmentalism, family first – whatever that means – pro-animal, pro-religion, even pro-vegetable. They are the fringe of the politically acceptable, scraping in because they really aren’t all bad and at least as sincere as the big boys. There are fringe and then there are freak. The Obama/McCain mismatch has many of the more undesirable elements stepping forward, targeting the perceived weak points of the two candidates, hoping to snag a sizable portion of the dissatisfied compromise vote to establish a legitimate presence for state, perhaps even congressional elections. Don’t laugh, that’s how the Democrats got started. There are of course the obvious ones, the attempts to provide voters with a younger, white, male candidate, however it seems that somehow the American people have matured enough to accept something different. Or maybe it’s just brand name recognition. The Communist Party of America has raised its head, promising the voters a “Liberal Stalin tempered with a sterner Yeltsin”. Their candidate looks like a shaved bear and likes to fish barehanded in rivers at spawning season. Some of the older freak parties have tried to rebrand themselves and sneak in under the radar, in a manner of speaking. The Nazi Party tried to re-enter the election as the Kill All Penguins Party, which might have won them some support, might have even worked, had a band of hockey fans not taken offense at the perceived threat to potential new talent. Bunch of Nazis versus hockey fans. The pasted remains of the political party are being identified using DNA testing. The More Oil Drilling Party is seeing a surge in support, with many mistaking it for a branch of the Republican Party and attending rallies. While most would be pleased with the mistake and extra support the More Oil Drilling Party is largely disgusted, having formed in slight opposition to Sarah Palin owing to a pro-choice, pro-moose stance that have it at odds with pro-life, anti-moose Palin. Frightening is the degree of support and serious consideration some parties are receiving. The Bene Gesserit has received a great deal of attention and may seriously get a candidate into congress in the next ten years, even with the stunning failure of the Kwisatz Haderach program. Of course ever since Hillary Clinton was taken seriously in her attempt to become a presidential candidate old chicks saying strange things have become quite popular. The Star Wars Program Proponents party is seeing a surge with promises of greater homeland security by employing orbital weapons, even though everyone they build is tragically flawed with a vulnerable small thermal exhaust port right below the main port that if hit can destroy even the largest facility with just one hit. Naturally though the promise of “greater homeland security” appeals to many heartland American voters. And of course there is the “Hollywood Actors With Political Dreams” party, who, despite not carrying a single A-lister or anyone more famous than Danny Baldwin or Kim Kardashian, are having great success on the “at least we’re honest” platform. |
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