Last week's News

News article for the week of 5/24/05.

Episode III Brainwashing Less Than Successful
By, Grey News

Writer, director and part time dictator wannabe George Lucas has attempted much with the new Star Wars movie, Revenge of the Sith. While early estimates are that he has succeeded in many areas, providing an excellent piece of entertainment, there are those who remain disappointed with the work.
Principally disappointed are those who were seeking a vehicle to brainwash moviegoers for various reasons.
The failure is certainly not Lucas’ fault entirely. He has attracted large audiences and his newest movie technology has resulted in subliminal messages that are fifteen percent harder to detect. The main problem is the lack of coherence within the messages themselves.
The US government, to whom Lucas owes a debt over the patent of certain space based laser weaponry, wanted to brainwash audiences into being more accepting of US military forces in Iraq, consume more oil and to eat less mayonnaise. The British government, who Lucas owes for stealing many of their best actors, wanted much the same, acceptance of military forces in Iraq, less mayonnaise and a general glossing over of anything scandalous towards the Royal Family. Not exactly the same but not entirely different.
However the French Government wanted to brainwash everyone into forgetting that they surrender constantly, German influences wanted to convince people that Germans, and to a lesser extent Greeks, were all cuddly and fluffy happy people. Nothing yet mutually exclusive, though this is more than most films can handle in terms of subtle mind tweaking.
On the other hand the Canadians wanted clowns in Iraq (real clowns, not just politicians from around the world), and an increased consumption of mayonnaise, especially with fries. Of all of the influences Lucas had the most to fear from the Canadians since it was they who provided him with the plans for the Death Star in the first place, and were more than willing for giant flying insects to take the credit.
Now the problems began.
Nevertheless credit must be given to George Lucas who merrily wove these subliminal messages into his movie, letting each audience member remain vulnerable to whichever message most appealed. Under these conditions none of the governments could really complain.
Then the Italians got involved.
The fractured Italian government failed to put forth an entirely coherent plan for their brainwashing efforts. Rome wanted less oil consumption, more beef consumption, a boycott against Burger King, dingos in maternity wards, Iraq in the military and mayonnaise in every hat.
Equally unfortunate was that Lucas owed many favours to many Italians after some unpleasantness involving, surprisingly enough, hats.
The result is a movie that pleases audiences as a movie, though leaves everyone somewhat unsettled on a more subliminal level. The now clashing messages are often garbled and useless, serving no ones needs in the end and worse yet leaving people to make up their own minds.
As yet no one has taken any action, aside from the French surrendering and a general hissy fit coming from other Western governments.