Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 2/20/06

Winter Olympics 2006

Antartic Team slides through Bobsled Event

By, Cozmic

Despite being one of the world’s larger continents, Antarctica never seems to sport a decent athletic team, not even during the Winter Olympics. This is of course quite peculiar, especially since they somehow seem to be doing better in the summer Olympics. Whether this is because they smuggle themselves out from the cold, cold south or because people keep confusing them with Australia, we may never know.
However, this year has come as a complete surprise, with the Antarctic team being almost solely focused on the luge, bobsleigh, and skeleton competitions. For the curious, all of these events are about gliding on a sled down a track, and, in the case of skeleton, trying to avoid breaking every single bone in your body. Most of the Antarctic team seem to want to ignore the sleds though, claiming they slow them down. Or, this is at least what people suspect they are saying. The chatter of the team is quite hard to translate, as it was not meant for humans to hear. Many assume they are mostly using the words for fish and black-tie event, in all its various forms.
Astute minds will have already guessed what sort of athletes we are talking about here, and for those less astute, let us merely point out that the Antarctic team could easily win a prize for most stylish uniform. Well, that and a swimming contest. It does not seem to have occurred to the penguins that they can win other events than swimming (fortunately only freestyle) before now, and I guess that is a good thing. An unlimited amount of ice to practice on and a natural ability to slide around quickly makes all other teams chanceless against the cute black and white southerners. So far they've broken all world records, and while the start of the bob-sleigh run tends to be a bit slow, there's nobody faster on the track. Luge and skeleton are even faster, although most of the athletes don't set a new speed record while gliding on their tummies. But, since this is not standard procedure, it did not count. Fortunately this does not seem to hamper the good mood of the penguins, whose only plan is to get as much shiny things to attract fish with as possible before the long swim home.