Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 3/5/06

Winter Olympics 2006

Spain wins Olympic gold chase

By, Cozmic

With the Olympic games of 2006 coming to a close, all that really matters is who brought home the most gold. And while Germany won the most medals, and Sweden got most important one due to their “golden generation” in hockey, the fight only has one clear winner. The country that brings home the largest amount of gold is Spain, mostly (entirely) due to it's conquistadors, who have been raiding, looting and generally pillaging all of Turin and the surrounding neighbourhood for gold the past weeks. While some claim that this is a terrible travesty of all that the Olympic games stand for, others argue that nobody cares about the Winter Olympics anyway, and thus it doesn't matter. The Spanish say the conquistadors are a large part of their history, and as such should be entirely free to do as they please.
The Swedish people (as the government would never speak it's opinion about anything) have asked if this would make it alright for Vikings to appear at the next Olympic games, and also pointed out that they won the gold in hockey, the greatest sport of all time, and that, as such, the Winter Olympics are incredibly important. Fortunately, the Germans seem too content with actually winning the most medals to think about raising up a Nazi-army to steal all the gold in Vancouver while also looting valuable paintings. Antarctica has however threatened to send in the yetis the next Olympic, although a yeti spokesperson has thus far denied ties to the emperor-penguins.

Aside from the entirely unsportsmanlike conduct of pillaging an Olympic town, and all those steroids used before such a pillage, there's also the added fear of increased diseases, many fearing that the conquistadors bring with them diseases such as smallpox, or the black-plague, or that terrible odour that comes from not having any soap while wearing a rather heavy piece of armour.
A new tactic might be tried out, involving soap in gold coloured packaging.

Whatever may happen the next Olympic Games, all that really matters is that Sweden won the gold in hockey, and that's something no thieving Spaniard can take.