Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 5/17/06

Air Jordan Burger still far away

By, Cozmic

More and more sport-stars are getting into the treacherous fast food business. But the chances of us seeing a Michael Jordan burger are still pretty much close to nil. It is not restaurant-chains these athletes are starting, it is minimum-wage jobs wearing silly paper hats.

For Michael “Air” Jordan it all started with his golfing career. This then led to his “people need to buy my stuff in this sport as well as soon as I think of a shorter name” career, which then led to his “Recycled Air” line of clothing. While this portrays them as environment friendly, the amount of products that ended up in the trash when even underdeveloped countries claimed they had more style did not help, and facing both a company bankruptcy as well as severe international litter-charges, Jordan soon became broke and had to start over a new. Jordan seems to enjoy his new job at Dunkin' Donuts, however. After all, dunks were always one of his specialities.

Another sports-star that has found his way in to the job of extreme grease is the former goalie for the Swedish national team in hockey, Tommy Salo. This is not due to so many bad business decisions as it is due to the fact that he has now done so many screwups not even the local Swedish hockey league wants him. Fortunately, in his new career flipping burgers Salo only drops about half on the floor, and this because he does on occasion catch them as they fall. Not that the ones that do hit the ground taste any worse than the ones that don't. There are simply some things that a floor where people walk with shoes on constantly and only wash once a week cannot possibly hope to achieve.

England's famous soccer-player and Spice guy David Beckham is scheduled to serve burgers to promote this year's soccer world cup championship for a few months, but this is due to a multimillion dollar contract with McDonald's and so that Beckham should have something to fall back on if he misses the goal entirely this time around as well. He is also encouraging kids to move as much as possible. Management at the McDonald's in question were not particularly happy when small children started running amok inside the restaurant proper. Beckham considered it a good thing that all these children were on a sugar rush and thus calmed down after five minutes, having spent all energy and only trashing a window and half a dozen tables. However, nobody can no longer claim McDonald's does not promote children to get involved with sports. Raising mini-hooligans is however rather questionable.

All in all, maybe sportstars are best at serving knuckle sandwiches or grand slam breakfasts.