Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 6/9/06

Hot Shot Wins Road Racing

By, Cozmic

Road racing is the more legal alternative to street racing, a sport once again made popular by that new The Fast and the Furious movie (“Too low budget to get the original cast, so we moved it to Tokyo” or whatever they call it). Barring movies that nobody wants to see, it has made auto sports more interesting once again.
In particular, the last few weeks over here in Monaco have been somewhat astounding, partially because, well, hey, it's a small country, and partially because some of the drivers have barely reached puberty. When asked just how they could drive so well, the shocking truth was revealed. They weren't.
It seems that the planet of Speed just was not enough for those few Autobots who's minds revolve around racing, or those who have tagged along since the 80's and thus never heard of Speed. They are, however, fond of the planet Junk and Weird Al for some reason. When asked why they competed, they simply said you had to dare to be stupid, and seemed determined to show who was the fastest of them all.
One can only hope terrorism on behalf of the Decepticons were the reason half the racers mysteriously blew up, with the drivers being able to bail out in perfect time not to turn into mush, and why a blue and red truck identified as Optimus Prime slammed through a building, but we at RPP have not yet managed to find out if this was true.
Exactly how Bumblebee managed a 4th place is anyone's guess. My bet would be that he is awesome and did not have to focus on fighting what may or may not have been a Decepticon attack.
That, or Bumblebee is one souped up little Beetle!
Mirage, who was barely allowed to race due to Formula 1 cars not exactly being considered street racers, a problem he bypassed by simply being invisible large parts of the race, managed a still disappointing third place. I am sure I heard him mutter something about how he would be faster back home, but somehow I doubt it.
Override, fastest racer on her home planet of Speed, simply seemed to be too amazed by the pretty sights of Monaco to actually put up much of a fight. Either that or it could have been the fact that her tires slipped and she crashed straight into a house.
The ultimate winner of the contest, instead, turned out to be Hot Shot, driven by some little punk with the most annoying voice I have ever heard. The weirdness of seeing a car appear to gloat over another car about being the “fastest in the universe” is surely a strange sight. Nevertheless, I am happy for the thing, being faster than most, and certainly wanting to prove it.
We have been unable to reach the Stunticons for comments on the racing, or non-Transformers fans for their opinion on who ACTUALLY should have won, but, such is life. At least when you find it more important to suck up to a yellow Volkswagen so he will take you for a spin than to bother with actual journalism.