Past Xphile from the past week.

taking over the Past sports article for the week of 1/23/07

Hockey Charity Event degenerates into all-out brawl
By, Cozmic

Thousands of hockeyfans are in shock after last weeks charity event for old NHL-players and orphanages turned into an all out brawl that even included the audience (minus the orphans).

It all started innocently enough. Two teams would play against one another, a bunch of old hockeystars would watch, and a bunch of orphans would be dragged down against their own free will, while far too few people would watch the game on cable, because such is the fate of the sport of kings. But I digress.
It was in the third period, after a few friendly fights and some cross-checks and such that it happened. The score was tied, and suddenly it's a goal... That doesn't count because it bounced off the glove of one dude. Tempers snapped, and all of a sudden there's 12 guys, with the goalie, out on the ice slugging it out. Of course, this just wouldn't cut it, and the legendary bench clearing brawl broke out. By this time the refs just gave up, sat down, and started taking notes. One of them took out a cigarette, thinking nobody would notice.
Of course, such a large brawl could only get bigger, especially since all the old stars were sitting there in their hockeygear, reliving old memories of days gone by. The orphans were reportedly quite shocked to see a bunch of oldtimers rush down on the ice to show how fighting was done in their day. Apparently not much different from how it's done now, but I guess there's only a few ways to bash someone's face in. At least nobody did a “Happy Gilmore” and tried to stab someone else with their skate.
After everone finally calmed down/passed out, the refs decided to cancel the game. 80 people were banned from hockey for life, although 79 of these were retired and the one remaining guy didn't have much of a career anyway.