Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 2/1/07

OJ Simpson Trying to Get Back on the Sporting Saddle
By, Grey Sports

One thing you’ve got to give former footballer, former actor, former daytime courtroom drama pioneer, former married man, former murder suspect, former ghost written author, former figure skating champion, former free style sushi chef, former American Idol contestant, former winery owner, former fund raising strategist for John Kerry, former Beach Boys substitute drummer, former boyfriend to Paris Hilton, OJ Simpson is that he doesn’t give up. Ever. Dammit.
Even before the book furore had started Simpson had been planning a major comeback for 2007, launching a multiple front attempt to regain his beloved celebrity status.
Movies were out, the Naked Gun series has been discontinued as much for featuring Simpson as the fact that Priscilla Presley is no longer attractive enough after her latest face tightening.
As various experimental careers have also failed him in the past decade Simpson has started looking back to his old successes, first considering movies and television, specifically comedy since no one is taking him seriously anymore, especially after the American Idol attempt where his wig kept slipping.
Besides which OJ Simpson jokes are still going strong, and Simpson himself simply isn’t funny enough to surpass these works.
This has left football.
Don’t try and tell me the sport hasn’t died a little because of the attempt. The worst part is he’s being taken seriously by lower end major teams desperately seeking a boost in publicity. Any boost in publicity.
Despite being nearly sixty Simpson has apparently tested out successfully into the offensive team of an as yet undisclosed San Francisco team. Apparently the publicity is going to be gained in a shock announcement at his first game, which may be held off for some time as tension and anger build, leading to a marked increase in attendance at San Francisco games in general as the curious, the furious and the depraved attend hoping to see Simpson and, I don’t know, maul him or something.
Thankfully this has not turned into a full blown trend among football teams, unlike the hiring of special celebrity guest stars which ended badly when Chris Rock was used sliced in half by a particularly forceful tackle.
All the same the Menendez brothers are supposedly in negotiations with a Seattle based team while an as yet unnamed team is considering its options with Bowling Bay Bob.
By all accounts Simpson is happy with his deal, it allows him the attention he graves, a sizable income and possibly a modicum of respect, though from who I’m at a loss to tell.
Football however may have lost a degree of respect similar to that lost by books around the world when it was announced that OJ had written one.
With OJ’s first game of the century due any day now everyone waits and watches with all the eagerness of automotive accident bystanders, eager to see what role an El Dorado will take in this latest attempt to flee reality.