Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 2/17/08

The suit, which must have been exceptionally painful to wear, depicts a small St. Bernard, just big enough to be adorable, inside which is some complicated mechanics, and some not at all complicated mechanics. To be honest, the most impressive part of it all is the mouth, made using some technical mumbo-jumbo. The thing even looks real, although this might be because Gunnar, who would cram his tiny frame into the suit, would put on fake dentures and show off his real mouth. Apparently he has just bad enough hygiene that he passes for a dog, or he eats dog food to get everything just right. The couple refused to comment, so I am not really sure which, or if it is some extremely frightening third option. Pads seemed to ease the pain of walking around in it, while a few bribes helped with that pesky problem of some people still not thinking the not-actual-dog deserved to win. This begs the question of why even bother with the whole thing when you could just enter an ugly dog you got from the pound and bribe your way to victory, but then I decided I did not want to go there. I really, really hope it is because they just do not want a dog, I really do. Anything else is quite frankly too scary to consider.
Nobody knows exactly what the law says about impersonating something that is not, in fact, a person as such, but of course the couple have been permanently banned from all dog-shows for life.
The couple was caught by a group of teenagers, saying there was something mysterious about the way the dog wagged its tail, or cursed as it occasionally ate dog-biscuits. The teenagers, who have chosen to remain anonymous so they can drive around in a van and keep thwarting impostors, then went to police, who investigated the matter, just as the couple was about to claim the best-in-show title. Gunnar Eriksson was quoted as saying “we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!”