Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 3/5/05

Alternative Fuel Racing Just Got Interesting
By, Grey Sports

It used to be that alternative fuel vehicles were just slow, wussy and boring. When someone told you they were driving a car powered by the biggest nuclear fusion reactor readily available that meant that they were driving a solar powered pushcart that could do maybe fifty kilometres an hour, down hill with a backwind.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for alternative fuels, I simply do not consider racing a car that runs on almost as much alcohol as it’s driver to be appealing.
Thing have changed recently, with rules being relaxed as to exactly what qualifies as an “alternative” fuel.
This is why the race where the Goth powered car caught my attention.
Apparently the driver, Abe Veffner coupled his wife’s engineering expertise with a little social knowledge to develop possibly the most innovative design in years.
The Goths, approximately six of them, are put into the giant hamster wheel on the back of the car, a stereo with Spice Girls music plays behind them while a Marilyn Manson CD lies just in front of them.
“At first they were climbing over each other to stop the stereo, then to get the CD, now they’ve worked out that they don’t get their black pants so dusty if they work together, and that’s how I power the car,” states Abe.
Apparently Abe experimented with a number of social groups. Hippies were either too stoned to move or too weak from the munchies to be of much use. Similarly religious groups failed to provide power, as they would spend their time praying for release, which Abe eventually had to give them.
Professional protesters who always wanted to be locked up for their beliefs were the first step in the right direction, providing a willing pool of people for the wheel, even if a certain lack of motivation was hampering the project.
Goths apparently provided a pool of people willing to be put into the wheel (something about how they liked being caged) and with the right music were easily motivated.
With this vehicle in the race things became interesting, finally a vehicle that could actually move.
Consequently there are a number of new alternative fuel racecars being designed. One promising design would be powered by the useless rant of talkback radio personalities, potentially providing cleaner fuel and cleaner airways.
Innovative designs such as the car that might run on curse words would be almost perfect for rush hour conditions, while the vehicle designed to be powered by the combined paperwork of the Microsoft anti-trust suits offers solutions to other forms of mounting pollution.
Whilst perhaps not feasible for every day use these vehicles are proving that human innovation can provide entertaining solutions to environmental problems.