Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 4/23/05

Sharon Stone to Use Nudity as a Weapon
By, Grey Entertainment.

Just when everyone thought she was down, out, barred and forbidden to re-enter the city limits of Hollywood, such as a place like that has city limits, Sharon Stone returns to the big screen in “Basic Instinct 2”.
The original “Basic Instinct” was the movie that shot Stone to fame, broke sexual taboos in every country it screened in and made California wonder just why it let Michael Douglas have a movie career in the first place.
Now, somewhere around a decade later, an older, somewhat less famous Sharon Stone is desperately trying to cling to the tattered remains of an acting career that still centres around her strongest assets, which we assume to be compromising photos of certain movie producers, and maybe even some dirt on Bill Clinton that could actually be original and interesting.
However unlike it’s predecessor “BI2” does not use nudity and sex in the same provocative manner. Apparently at some point Sharon Stone managed to convince Rosie O’Donnell that she still had a shot at gaining attention and a movie career if she acted without clothes on.
While this would seem like the death knell of “BI2” it has been revealed that this footage has been surreptitiously sliced into random movie reels, though not those of Star Wars Episode 3, owing to George Lucas’ greater powers of darkness.
The apparent plot is that with the threat of this footage being in any given film audiences will be forced to watch “BI2” as the only safe alternative.
An insane plan that borders on crimes against humanity, though no one outside of the US has complained much since Stone has admitted that she did not interfere with any of the internationally distributed films.
This may cause a mass exodus of the United States for other countries, leaving no one behind except Government officials, who can’t move with any speed anyway, those who actually like the prospect of seeing Rosie O’Donnell naked, and those brave, movieless vigilantes who will stay behind and execute the latter group to better the gene pool.
As there have been no reports of an entire film crew and set spontaneously combusting, hacking their own eyes out or committing mass suicide this may just be a cruel trick. However Stone is savvy enough to know that if she has faked all of this then the world may never forgive her, so someone must have been involved in making that footage.
While no human could have survived filming with their sanity intact it is well known that Sharon Stone lacks clout with demonic powers, hence her waning career.
Consequently authorities are waiting until the next movie season, when it will be safe to re-enter US theatres, to arrest Sharon Stone on charges of murder.