Seņor Editor has the enviable job of receiving and deciphering the helpful tips mailed in by readers of a certain home-improvement magazine (for which I also used to work). The quality of writing in many of the letters is dubious at best and a poor reflection on the American educational system at worst. And sometimes, well, you just have to wonder what kind of medication it was that the writer obviously stopped taking before sitting down to dash off a note.
This morning, for instance, Seņor showed me a letter that promised "7 handy tips." There were 15 tips in all, a group of 8 (with #8 marked not just 8, but 8 squared) and a group of 7. Tip #6 (from the first group, of course): "The old irrigation can beafrigulation in your timed sprinkler system, the one you built for you daughters swing set, just jo king. That broken one can be pointed in the right direction though and could cause faults handy stoker beign. (Use an old hanger insided sprinkler head to readjust the one from your closet) (did I say hanger I meant a slim jim jerk.)"
This is one of the more coherent tips, which also include uses for old coffee cans and notes on putting silicone in your speakers. The letter is written reasonably neatly in pencil, so one can't blame bad handwriting or ink blots for the beafrigulation. It's simply . . . very unique.
Or maybe the writer was just Joe King.
Tomorrow's band: Handy Stoker Beign.