Once upon a time, there was a small business. The business consisted of two special-interest clubs, one for fishermen and one for hunters. The clubs were headed by avid anglers and hunters who brought some of their stuffed and mounted sporting trophies to the office to adorn the walls. The clubs were successful, so the business expanded. More clubs were begun, more staff added. The business acquired larger offices, and the founders provided more and more taxidermy to lend ambience to corporate headquarters.
One of the most noteworthy trophies, supplied by the founder of the hunting club, came to rest in the lobby of the building, where it remains to this day. It's a musk ox, a buffalo wannabe with horns in the shape of a Doris Day flip hairdo. After 20 years of greeting visitors, it has become something of a company mascot. Sometimes the reception staff even dresses it up for holidays — and hey, nothing says "Bring us your business" like a flea-bitten musk ox sporting bunny ears and giant buck teeth. (The carcass is reported to have suffered from "critters" a few years ago, but the pelt was fumigated and the ox returned to work.)
The ox has been moved from one side of the lobby to the other in a recent redecorating and now sits just outside the new glass-walled conference room. The ox faces toward the front doors, away from the room, so anyone on the wrong side of the conference table has a panoramic view of the hairy behind. No matter which way you turn your chair, nothing but ox bottom.
Members of the various editorial staffs, who met frequently in Conference Room 4, began to mutter about the ox bottom. They found it distracting, and those opposed to hunting found it downright disturbing. However, they were low on the totem pole, and wishes to have the beast removed fell on deaf ears. The editors thought that "oxbottom" sounded like a stuffy British surname, so they provided a suitably stuffy British first name to go with it.
And hence Neville Oxbottom was christened.
Happy nondenominational spring observances from me, Neville, and all the rest of us here at Media Headquarters!