Last week Mother Media sent me a T-shirt on which appears a silhouette of the state of South Dakota in blue with the legend “Rounds for Governor” printed inside. Mike Rounds is a handsome Republican who wants to be SD’s next big cheese. Normally I don’t get into politics at all, let alone sartorially endorse candidates, but the shirt had the attractive qualities of being both free and clean.
So I wore it to my Eclectsis class (a martial art that combines boxing with elements of southern preying mantis kung fu). On a Saturday morning before the caffeine has kicked in, I’m admittedly not the sharpest crayon in the box. When my sparring partner nodded at my torso and inquired “Rounds?” I said, “Let’s go two rounds.” He shook his head and said it again: “Rounds?” “Yes, two rounds,” I replied. Finally he spat out his mouthguard and made me understand his question.
But it got me thinking . . . Why shouldn’t candidates go a couple of rounds, for governor or any other office? They use the language of battle, waging political campaigns the way generals wage military campaigns. They promise to fight the good fight for their constituents, to wrestle with tough issues and strike down bad laws. So why not take this literally and have opposing candidates glove up and duke it out?
I can think of several advantages to this method. “Debates” would certainly be more exciting, and you’d come away with a clear winner. The bouts would be time-limited, with beer and popcorn available to the audience. The stuffy NPR rehash would be replaced by energetic color commentary. And we could get that “boxers or briefs” issue resolved right up front.
And finally, like my sparring partner, the politicians would have a tough time talking with their mouthguards in place . . . which would mean they’d have to actually take a firm stance and DO something to prove their mettle. I’m especially in favor of a Rounds for President policy: If the candidate wants a job that empowers him or her to lead a country into war, let that person lead by example.
Oh yeah. Anyone besides me tired of campaign speeches, commercials and lawn signs? Don’t get me wrong; I value the democratic process and will definitely spend my lunch hour in the voting booth tomorrow. I’m just ready for the pre-election hype to come to an end. Then we can get on with the all-consuming Christmas hype.