Smack Ramen

originally posted: 04/02/02

Brought to you by the makers of ultra-cheap Smack Ramen high-sodium, just-add-water noodle soups.

The name of this product just strikes me funny. (Strike — Smack — get it?) For one thing, it's a complete sentence, an imperative like "Buy American," "Call Mom" or "Sort laundry." And when you're done with those tasks, smack Ramen. Who is Ramen, anyway, and what did he do to incur such wrath that a directive to smack him shouts from grocers' shelves?

Another feature I like is that the name of the product is onomatopoeic — that is, the sound of the word "smack" imitates what it denotes, the sound of a cash-strapped college student slurping up noodles, splattering broth left and right.

And then, of course, there's the heroin connection. Isn't there always a heroin connection? "Smack" is a slang term for heroin, and Smack Ramen noodles are just as addictive under certain circumstances. If you're pressed for both time and money, Ramen noodles are the answer to your prayers. They're quick, they're easy, they're cheap . . . you'll keep coming back for more whether you want to or not. Those ugly cellophane packages will find their way into your grocery cart when you're not looking, feeding your habit against your will. Well, at least the Smack people can't be faulted for false advertising. They put the heroin synonym right out there on the package.

Ah, yes, this brings back fond memories of hunching over my bowl in the basement apartment I rented for $75/month in college, the one where I had to unplug the fridge to run the microwave to heat the water to make the Ramen noodles. Those were the days, weren't they? I'm having soup for lunch today. Anyone else?