"If you wish to create an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
-Carl Sagan
"I'm 8% sure Canada doesn't even exist."
-Matt Schmidt(aka Nacho)
"If you're gonna wave at me, use all five fingers!"
-Eric Schaffer
"Tipping is for cows."
-Unknown
"Just cuz you're tied to the porch doesn't mean you can't bark at the traffic."
-Unknown
"There's some people who should never wear shorts... others should wear a bag over their head."
-"Rocky" Mr. Rockswold
"Whoa! Bad cow!"
-Heidi Sunderman(to her overflowing bottle of Dr. Pepper)
"Pepsi is hip and with it and Coke is square... like a box."
-Steve or Forest from Spanish
"I see you're wearing overalls... It must be because you're bloated."
-Hannah S.
"You have a comfy uterus."
-Me
"Someone call the fire department- she just got burned."
-Unknown
"Burn! 3rd degree!"
-Mike W.
"She's here to learn, not to make money."
-Unknown
"She's a student at school, not a backup dancer in a Britney Spears video."
-Unknown
"22 kids... That's a whole lot of fun!"
-Econ/soc. class
"You just had 3/18 of an orgasm... everytime you sneeze it's 1/18 of an orgasm."
-Nell
"Every year I tell them not to take pictures of the monkeys having sex, and they do it anyway!"
-Mrs. Brown
"How do you say it in Canadian?"
-Nacho
"My dad always told me 'Whatever you do, don't kill a cop'."
-Rocky
"It's hard to make upside down question marks unless you yourself are upside down."
-Nacho
"Caffeine is a gateway drug."
-Steve
"China Buffet is nothing but bastardized chinese food."
-Ellingson
"He just had a 'blonde moment'."
-In reference to Dylan
"The colors of the chairs in here are: 'barf orange', 'snot green', 'toilet bowl blue', and 'urine yellow'."
-3rd hour Study Hall
"'A person who eats cheese leaves no footprints.'
-Anon."
-Emily S.
"We were playing the word association game... I said 'porn', and Nell said 'Rachel'."
-One of my sister's friends
"It's not stealing! It's borrowing without asking for an extended period of time!"
-Nacho
"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than think."
-Anonymous
"Whatever fills your bathtub."
-Mrs. Mendez
"CDEDBD ducks?
MR not ducks
OSAR
CDEDBD wings?
YIB MR ducks!"
-Mr. Jeske
"I don't plan on getting married until I'm senile."
-Nacho
"You have to be gentle when pulling it out or it might stick in there."
-Rueda
"How are we supposed to remember the alphabet, I was in kindergarten!"
-Nacho
"Whatever dings your dong."
-Mrs. Mendez
"Our wives and mothers are whores, and every man here is a bastard."
-From the Gandhi movie
"If chocolate makes you happy, why not gain an extra 10 pounds!"
-Jamie S.
"What did you have to do to get those(Mardi gras)beads?"
-Steve
"I'm getting my 'throat testicles' removed."
-Scott S.
"Intellectual pygmies"
-Rocky
"Business in front, party in back"
-In reference to mullets
"Raging syphillis"
-Emily S.
"A boy becomes a man when he realizes that even pretty girls poop."
-Anon.
