This page is divided into 2 sections: Idols and False Idols. The top half are idols, the bottom half are false idols:

IDOLS:

Bret Michaels (band member):

Although Bret Michaels is like Zoolander in that he only has one facial expression, his deeper expressions come out through songs in his band POISON. Obviously sex, drugs and rock n' roll, could not break the passionate soul inside. Examples?: Songs like Every Rose has it's Thorn , Flesh and Blood, Talk Dirty to me and an new album entitled "SONGS OF LIFE" Bret freaking ROCKS!

Slash (band member):

Speaking of rock's NO ONE rocks more than Slash! LITERALLY!!! This (ex) Guns n' Roses member is so cool we need to make a whole new page devoted to him! Slash is ALWAYS drunk and ALWAYS smoking, but he's SOOOO cool we can forgive him for that. Although, basically anyone in GNR is amazing, with his top hat, curly black do, cigarette in his mouth, hands, hat, Slash is just a GOD!!!!

Axl Rose

THE reason GNR was so huge and amazing is mainly (with Slash) due to Axl Rose. This bad boys the real deal, and dispite rumors of rape (which he didn't do), Axl is incredibly deep. Just listen to his lyrics in Civil War, Welcome to the Jungle, and basically every other song he's written...THEY'RE TOTALLY SYMBOLIC without being chessy!!! Axl can sing higher than ANY of us can and has a stage presence that literally draws you in. Words can't even begin to discribe his greatness, and together with Slash........you've got a duo thats out of this world! PS-and there's something about him thats just so incredibly hot

Duff (bassist):

Duff is just so hot... his boyish looks combine with his messy blonde hair and his intensely awesome bass playing to make him a giant idol.

River Phoenix (actor):

We'll let Jamie handle this one

BASS (band)

We're pretty modest but, facts are facts. And BASS is the best band the world has ever or will ever see. Of course the insperations (Poison, GNR, Darkness) are up there too

Coach Dell (PE teacher)

Actually, Dell's half and half. Sometimes he says really deep things and stares at trees for hours on end, but then again he thinks that the best hair band of the 80's is Europe.

Vivian (girl/B.A.S.S. enabler)

YEAH VIWO! One of the original BASS gropies! Deffinatly buying a summer home in Fiji for this one.

Jaime, "River" (girl/B.A.S.S. enabler)

Jamie's SO cool because 1)she signed our guestbook, 2) she thought that street name meant gang name. Althought she hates everything 80's (except the movie) and wont write haiku's, she LOVES BASS! Jamies also the #1 River Phoenix fan.

Spinal Tap, except Viv and drummers (band):

We'll start with three key words: SEE THIS MOVIE Seriously, if they were a real band, they would be the deepest and coolest band EVER! It is THE KEY inspiration of BASS (the real coolest band ever) and we model many of our songs after then. GODS, IDOLS, GENIUSES, all three of them.

Johnny Depp (actor):

What can we say... his acting is as good as he looks (and that's pretty damn good!)

Ivanho, not the knight, the stoner (guy)

Mick Jagger (singer):

...Eskimo Mick...

Gandalf (character):

Who doesn't like Gandalf? He is just so knowlegeable plus he has that nifty trick where he makes the room darken and himself get really big, you know what I'm talking about! Anyway, that would be really helpful like when we are trying to get a record deal or something...

Xena (Warrior Princess):

Come on everyone wishes they were Xena at one time!

Bon Jovi (singer):

Bon Jovi is such a good band (especially in their old hairband days).

MANA (Spanish Band):

These guys are just funny. They make light of really deep songs, probably 'cause they're always high... What is that they're sitting on? a dolphin or a boat? Oh! I get it! It's an aztec calender! Clever...

Queen (band):

Queen is a huge idol! Not only do they have great music and incredible songs (ex: Bicycle, Another One Bites the Dust, and about a thousand more) but the guy in the back haqs great hair! Who wouldn't love them?

The Darkness (Band):

Where do we begin? Not so much because of their looks *shudder* or their music (which is actually really good) but these guys are on our site for what they are trying to do. IT'S ABOUT TIME TO BRING BACK HAIRBANDS!! An this is definately the band to do it. More power to you guys!

The Doors (band):

The Doors are just a great band, good music, and deep lyrics.What else can you ask for in a band? Oh yeah, longer hair!

Velvet Revolver (band):

I think we might just be some of the luckiest people ever because we saw Velvet Revolver live in concert!! WE SAW SLASH AND DUFF!!! The only thing that could make Slash and Duff more awesome is their lead singer Scott Wieland (ex- Stone Temple Pilots singer) who serves as an amazing compliment to this already famous band. You rule guys, You rule!

FALSE IDOLS:

Danna (girl-the one in the middle):

BIGGEST FALSE IDOL EVER!!!! No joke! We thought Renata was bad but Danna just takes the cake. We used to think she was really cool because she knew a lot about Poison, GNR, and hairbands in general. BIGGEST LIES OF OUR LIVES because we asked her about Motley Crue (we didn't know much about them then)and she says, "Well for ONE, they have the BEST power ballad ever, Every Rose Has It's Thorn" We nearly died! And that was just the beginning! Later, when her "authority" on hairbands was challenged she's all, " Whatever, I don't even like Metal that much anyways!" We even closer to nearly died this time. She's been caught saying our haikus on life aren't deep, power ballads aren't deep, hairbands aren't so cool and other blasphemous statements! Her latest one was "Duran Duran sucks!" Danna, we are "hungry like the wolf" to eat away your false sense of deepness, so go dance on the sands of life with Rio until you understand DURAN DURAN RULES!!!!!

Update on this one, today Danna was caught saying, "Your band is just the worst band ever!" Oh no she didn't, Danna It's one thing to dis hair bands but when you put down BASS, you're dissing common sense. W E we don't need this mockery! Outrageous!!! I'm ashamed to have a hiaku she wrote on this site! To Bad I wasted this much time writting about her... I"M JUST SICK OF THESE NON-BELIEVERS!!

Victorian Rage ("band"):

Not even idols in the first place, but our rival band who just suck. Don't even get me started on these wanna be goths! YOU'RE NOT ORIGINAL: get it through your heads! Wearing a bodices on stage has been done before! And Zach or Rob in a bodice is just NOT cool! Hey guys if you were real stoners you couldn't even remember your own lyrics let alone write them. Get off the stage and make room for B.A.S.S!

UPDATE!: At first our rivalry with them was "all in good fun" but now, IT ON!!!! Their lead singer had the GAUL to wear a shirt that said "BASS DOG" today. So we naturally were like "Yeah, BASS!" and he FLICKED US OFF and said "BITE ME"!!!! what the hell!!!! We were all "hey, we don't need your Victorian Rage" and he kept walking. VICTORIAN RAGE: PREPARE TO BE ANNIHILATED!!!!

Katie (girl):

Katie is actually a cool girl in many ways. However, we will only be stating her shortcomings: 1) She though Guns N' Roses was a garage band and then when she found out they weren't she said she hated them anyways because we liked them! 2) She hates BASS and thinks we are the dumbest people in the world for having dreams (soon to be realities!). She scoffs at all our songs and always tells us to stop singing. 3) She oozes negativity because she's too vunerable and doesn't want to be burned by the truth that she's wrong all the time.

Renata (girl):

Like Katie, Renata is cool too. Unlike Katie, Renata is in MANY ways cool enough to be an idol. Unfortunatly, she doesn't know her hairbands at all and gets them confused with other crappy metal bands. But do we look like the type of people who will bash you for your lack of knowledge about music? NEVER! We're pretty sure Renata's a BASS groupies so that makes up for her saying Sebastian Bach is in Poison. However, we're to lazy to copy and paste so she stays in the False Idol section. HUTTAH!

Orlando Bloom(actor/girl):

HI! Do you see a girl? Cause we see a girl! THIS GIRL IS PRETTIER THAN WE ARE! Orlando Bloom is a boy that looks like a girl and NOT in a good way! Have you SEEN LOTR! Have you HEARD HIS LINES! Basically all his does is look pretty and RESTATE thing the better (and hotter) Aragorn has said. Yet a billion people worship him....he's NOT deep ...he's NOT cool...He's NOT an actor...he's NOT a Johnny Depp.... So what's the one thing IS?!?!.... A FALSE IDOL!

Whitesnake(band):

How can a band with SO MANY PEOPLE suck so MUCH?!? They had one good song and the rest were crap ballads. They are no GNR, POISON, or BASS! They just...suck!

Luke Skywalker(character):

Major Star Wars sissy who was rightfully and thankfully overshadowed by Han Solo! What a loser, your not cool. People who like you better than Han are not cool either. Hey, Luke! I'm your father! GO CRY ABOUT IT!!!!

Richard Simmons (Gay... we mean diet guru):

Ok we get it, you're gay. Good for you. Now could you quit being so freakin' annoying?!?!

Ronald McDonald (McDonald's spokesperson):

Does feeding poison and kangaroo meat to little kids make you and idol? We don't think so.

Emeril (cook):

Bam! Go get a real job!

Ginger Spice (ex-spice girl):

W E, what a false idol. We were pissed when she left our past idol band "Spice Girls" in 5th grade for like 3 days untill we realized she had no talent and was just the band skank. 3, Geri, 3.

Hillary Duff (actress/singer):

What it should say is rich snob/valley girl/skanky ditz. I can't believe how we all are so much smarter, deeper and more talented then people like her and they are STILL more famous then us! I bet she got syphilis before she turned twelve.

Aaron Carter (singer):

This kid deserved to go up on this site a long time ago. He was the man-skank who gave Hillary syphilus in the first place. Hey Aaron, if you took a long enough break from looking in the mirror you might realize that you're really ugly and you can't sing!

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (actresses):

W E what a pair of sell outs, they WERE cool back with Bob Saget but now they just suck. They don't even look like twins anymore they just look like skanks! We'd have to use up a whole can of Skank-Away (patent pending) on these two.

Lance Armstrong: (biker)

Part time biker, full time sell-out! It is cool that you beat cancer and won the race the first 5 times. But leaving your baby and wife for a badly dressed contry singer....come on. You can't even flip through the TV without seeing him endorse crap like cars and other stuff he has nothng to do with. You can't pull stuff like that unless your BASS

False Idol (band):

OMG! Loser false idols that are just trying to be cool by calling their band False Idol! Actually we have no idea who you are but we pretty much think you suck cause well, your not BASS

Buckethead (guitaristt)

Axl, I'm soooo dissapointed. You can't replace Slash, especially with some loser who wears a KFC bucket on his head. We belive he's the one who told you to get dreadlocks and plastic sugery